I have had depression and anxiety for 10years now. I have beeb on medication for them for 6 years and have started CBT this year for the first time.
This has been happening a lot over the years but only really noticed it this year.
Ill start about this year.
Christmas time, was fine. Around 2nd or 3rd Jan I felt down and was depressed, I tried going out and exercising and doing things what i liked doing, but nothing. I referred myself to cbt wanting to get better. Probably from Jan through till early May I was depressed. I had a few days when i felt “normal” in April as I was looking forward to watching wrestling with my brother so that was like a 6 day. So probably in that time I was between normal and more positive.
Then I was depressed again. Through till Juneish when I started to feel “normal” again.
Late June my parents went on holiday so it was just me and my brother. I was more positive and outgoing. I had saved some money up. More talkative and a few other things. That week I ended up spending the savings.
On the Friday, we was watching Glow season 2 and I started to feel depressed again and i tried to forget about it. I was expecting to feel a little down because I had enjoyed that week.
Since then I have been depressed. I am having CBT now and have been going since June.
When I say depressed I have been feeling sad, down, like a failure, comparing myself to others, putting myself down, thinking i dont want to be here, no motivation, not feeling anything bar negative emotions and a few others.
8 days as of writing my second cousin died. I am close with the majority of the family and i was close to her. I noticed that when i was told I didnt feel anything.
Sunday into Monday I started feeling more positive. I was talking more, not sleeping much and not being tired. Struggling to concentrate on 1 thing at a time. Feeling like I could do anything. As well as a few other things but one was I was getting irritated And angry really easily which is not like me. My family noticed this as well
Friday I snapped at my dad and that has broken my positive mood as I keep thinking I shouldnt have done that.
When I snapped back at my family during in the week I did not care.
Now I am feeling depressed again.
On a scale of 1-10 when i was feeling positive I would say 8.
On a scale of 1-10 when I was depressed I would say 2.
Id say 2 because 0 doesn’t count and 1 would be suicidal and attempting suicide and i did think about how easy it could be to hurt myself because of the thoughts in my head but never acted on them.
Id say 8 for positive as I was more talkative and other things, but I had a voice in my head every now and then questionsing myself.
Also when I was more positive I was quick at making decisions compared with feeling depressed Id let other people make decisions.
Because of CBT I have got some “homework” to do to help and i have been doing it.
Should I bring this up with her? I havr wrote down on a piece of paper what i was feeling wheb positive and depressed