Hi everyone,
I've become a long-term citalopram user. I've been on and off it (mostly on) for the last 3 and a half years, after being diagnosed with depression (and anxiety at one point too).
I've been on a variety of doses between 10-40mg, for various reasons (i.e. 40mg when I was displaying symptoms of anxiety). I'm currently on 20mg and have been for a while now - I can't quite remember how long exactly, but well over 6 months, probably over a year since my dose last changed.
The problem is, the last few weeks I've felt that my medication isn't working as well as it used to. I'm a university student and I'm currently in exam time - I have 3 exams coming up in the next week. However, despite knowing how important these exams are, and despite wanting a good degree, this isn't enough to get me motivated.
All I want to do is lie in bed and sleep all day. I can't make myself study. Normally, when it comes to exams I get very anxious and I work hard. This time around... I've got an exam tomorrow, I'm barely prepared for it, and I don't feel bothered about it at all. It's like I've become detached from university life.
Additionally, I've been feeling much more emotional lately. You know the feeling, maybe you got it before you went on citalopram - you're more paranoid, you might feel left out/abandoned by people for very little reason, feel ugly and self conscious, feel that there's really nothing to look forward to in life. The stresses of life close in on you until you just don't care anymore. You just want to lie in a dark room and dream about a better life. That's me lately.
I'm still functioning, just about. I still see my friends, I still chat to people, and I've attended the one exam I've had so far. But I don't feel that I can keep it together in the public eye much longer. More importantly, I feel that if I'm being like this, god knows what my exam grades are going to be like. I haven't revised enough because I just don't care enough right now. Part of me cares - but not enough. And I'm going to pay for it later.
So I need advice from you all. You're a community who I have a lot in common with - I can say things on here that I can't say to anyone in 'real life', because no one in my face-to-face life experiences what I do.
As I said, I'm currently on 20mg. I still have 40mg tablets left over from when I was on a higher dose. I have exams tomorrow (Monday), Friday and Saturday. I can't see my doctor until after my exams are over, so there's no chance of talking to her until then. Do I increase my dose myself during the remaining week of my exams, in the hope that it might help me pull myself together a bit more? Or is this too risky - it could throw me off even more, it won't even take effect for a while, etc etc.
I don't know how to handle this right now. And I can't talk to the university. I already have special consideration for my last exam period at Christmas due to illness. If I ask for it again because of mental health issues (despite the fact that my subject area is the most likely one to take this seriously, since I study Psychology) - they might think I'm just making excuses, trying to get better marks than I deserve, anything.
Please help me.