@jan34534 @sasical72 Thank you for your messages and sharing your opinions. I completely agree that we do need medication at times, but I started to feel the opposite, especially when it comes to anxiety, at least for myself.
By the way, @sasical72, it is such a coincidence that we had to experience the same horrible ordeal. I feel for you! Even though mine happened at age 34, it was still so hard to deal with. I can’t imagine how difficult it was for you at age 10. May they rest in peace.
So, I will share a bit about what has been helping me during my anxiety journey. Once again, I am not writing this to push my routine or make people quit their medication, but I hope it can help someone else who needs to read this.
First of all, I gave myself a day to simply sit and write about everything I felt anxious about. I started from early fears, from when I was scared of random things as a kid or had random fears. Then, I began to write about how I behave when anxiety hits me. I realized that when it happens, I start walking in the house, but I can’t walk straight (more like bending). I feel like calling people and talking with them, spending hours on the phone or writing to friends, trying to talk and distract myself. It’s an endless circle. So, as I was thinking and writing down all the anxiety moments and fears, I realized that I learned to be like that years ago. That gave me the idea that if I can learn something, if I don’t practice it, I might as well unlearn it. It’s the same as me sucking at playing the piano after many years of slacking off.
While I was writing about my symptoms and anxiety moments, I also tried to identify the root causes. I looked at when this happened before and started having morning meditations, taking myself back to those moments just to silently observe. I realized that my mind is just trying to prepare me for the worst-case scenario, and since I made a habit of obsessive thoughts about the past and anxious thoughts about the future, I was missing the present moment. During my meditations, I always hold my own hand, soothing myself and trying to calm my mind, telling myself that we are going to be okay. After all, my anxiety diary was live proof that I had been through it many times and only ruined my years by clinging to “bad” memories or events.
After that, I started to push myself, even at times forcing myself to think about the worst moments. When I saw a grave, I looked at it more, even visited graveyards to face the reality. We will all die, and I tried to think that every moment is another chance. This led me to wake up early and push myself to improve. There is a Japanese saying: the key to happiness and longevity is to have a busy mind and a busy body. I also thought that this can help my hormones by seeing the sun every morning and walking without allowing negative thoughts to appear.
I was also reading countless books, both spiritual and psychological. They also led me to think that the past is past and the future is dependent on today. I cried a lot and had anxiety attacks because my mind was surprised, thinking something was wrong during this period. I was normally always fighting with my thoughts, trying to shoo them away, always discriminating against my thoughts, my pieces, and ultimately myself.
Basically, there were many more routines. I started taking ice-cold showers and began lifting weights. I even started to beautify myself at home, even if I wasn’t going to go out. I would give myself a high five in the mirror everyday, started to go to bed at the same time and woke up at the same time.One last thing, I stopped waiting for motivation to come. I am just moving with discipline. I don’t care if I have motivation or not. I am a dutiful person to myself, and I go do my walk and everything I should do while being an observer to my own thoughts. They will come and go, but they will never be my focus anymore.
Also, remember that when you go to therapy, it is not the therapy itself that heals you. It is the certain amount of regular soothing suggestions you receive from the therapist. The same applies to friends. If a friend keeps giving you a hand and suggestions, after some time, you realize you should stop worrying. Think of it as cutting a tree. To cut a tree, you need to hit the same spot with an axe many, many times, and as a result, success comes. The same goes for the mind and psychology. You can also help suggest to yourself, soothing yourself, and your subconscious won’t notice if it is from someone else or from you. It will just take the comfort and start healing.
Sorry if my thoughts are too awkward for you, but for me, they work 100%, and I had to share some ideas. My mom and brother were both on antidepressants after our loss, and I also told them the same, and now they are both happier and not using any medication. Find a life purpose, remember we are here to be happy and experience life to the fullest.
All the best to all of you. 