Hello, I've been having huge issues with my boyfriend. I feel like he just doesn't understand what I'm actually going through with social anxiety and depression. Whenever I've had a bad day, even one little thing will set me off into meltdown mode and whenever it happens, my boyfriend of almost 6 years says im crazy or tells me to calm down or relax which are the worst things to say - it makes it 100 times worse. I don't know how to make him understand. I've tried everything - speaking to him about it, showing him videos, telling him the symptoms, sharing people's stories that are online and nothing works. Has anyone else been in this situation, and if so how did you change it?
You cant. It can be very difficult to relate too. Its denial of the truth to believe he doesnt understand it you told him and showed him stuff and its common knowledge if he googled it. He is low in compassion that is who he is by this nature.. Its not easy having this on many levels and some partners are not supportive or beneficial. They didnt sign up for this and i know that sounds cruel but its reality. I have known my husband since im 13 im just about 50 there are times hes decent about it and times he gets nasty. He too is human and i get hurt when he isnt so nice or caring but i know to love myself and i dont tell him much of the time too much. Which sucks for me by the way. I also have other health stuff going on he is the same way with that so tis a man. Only on tv or in a movie are they so patient and kind for years and years. They are human too. Just be sure you see him for what he is because at some point you will manage the anxiety but life can and does throw curve balls and you dont want to end up with someone who will walk away when your need in the future.
I too have a man that's not supportive of my anxiety and it really makes me feel alone. We have together for 9 years and he doesn't care. He said everyone has anxiety just deal with it
And it hurts so bad. There is nothing your going to be able to do to show him how bad it is unless you go to doctors and he maybe goes with you.
Nothing you do or say can make him sympathetic if he is not so by nature.
The cold hard truth is that this, like any affliction, is seen as an inconvenience to him. It is also something he cannot understand if he hasn't felt it. Further, men are typically not very good at saying the right thing in the right situation and are not much of empaths
He is minimizing it because that takes the pressure off him and he is not quite sure how he can help if he even thinks that he should help - don't know the guy so can't guess.
What would you rather prefer he did or said? I have met people who were so sensitive to my problems and supportive but found that this actually made it worse. Getting annoyed to my insensitive husband used to snap me out much faster and also helped me depend less on others comforting me - made me less needy, more confident and more capable - and speeded up my healing notably.
For your sake, you can offload here, share your problems with a more sympathetic someone, a friend or family member, also have a therapist you see regularly who can actually help you start addressing the issue if you are not doing so already... and have your boyfriend meet your needs that do not require him to just "pointlessly empathize" (how he likely sees it) but instead doing things that make you feel better - organizing little getaways, dates, watching a movie...whatever you guys most enjoy doing together. To evoke more intimacy on the subject of weakness (yours but also his), you can also work on meeting his needs - say give him a massage when you see him tense, suggest watching a movie or going for a walk when he is low. He is likely to mirror your added effort more over time if he is a nice guy deep down. That is if, after his insensitivity, you still like him enough and feel he is worthy for you to want to try to build your relationship further Just some thoughts for you to ponder.