Health Anxiety - Or Cancer , i have had enough now !

Mental health
1

Hi, **Long Post Alert*

I wouldst normally post on things like this, but i feel it might help to tell someone exactly what im going through. Just reading everyone's comments makes me feel a little less "Strange" lol

I have always been an anxious person, but my Healthy Anxiety started a couple of years ago after finding a lump in my right breast, this is when the true fear of Cancer really hit me! After a horrendous couple of weeks wait, i had an ultra sound scan and Biopsy that confirmed it was just fatty Tissue, the releif i felt after this was unreal, So life moved on and i was happy normal 20 something year old. At 29 i fell pregnant with my little boy, anxiety started mixed with hormones and a stressful job, i cried pretty much every day of pregnancy, i worried every day that baby wasn't moving enough. I was in and out of the hospital having baby's heartbeat monitored, in the end they induced labor early,  at first i thought it was hormones , but i soon realized  i was suffering with a really bad case of Post natal depression, however what i did was keep it to myself and tried to carry on. 

My little boy is almost 2 now, and in the space of those " years, i have ben convinced i have had the following illnesses 

Breast Cancer (Again) due to a pain in my breast and armpit 

Anal Cancer 

Bowel Cancer 

Nose Cancer 

Lymphoma 

The saw i had found in my nose was when i was at my lowest point, my doctor told me it should clear with some cream and to come back in a month if it doesn't, i sat and cried and told him i cant wait a month!! what if the cream didn't clear it up etc etc, i knew i would spend the next month worrying myself to death, so i paid a lot of money to see a private consultant , for him to take a look at it and tell me its nothing to worry about. 

During this time i made my self really poorly, I would have nausea & loose bowels in the morning, (i was then convinced it was bowel cancer) I was dizzy., Light headed and had no appetite , i lost a lot of weight. I remember sitting in the corner and literally rocking one day, i couldn't focus, i couldn't talk to anyone, i couldn't laugh or Smile, i couldn't enjoy my beautiful little boy. I was so down and absolutely consumed with worry! 

Whilst i should have been playing, and laughing with my son, i  spent hours on google, i mean i literally searched every forum and web site i could, looking for some sort of answer, some things might make me feel a little better, then i would read something scary and i would be back to worrying again, and i dont mean just a little bit worried, i mean sweating, heart racing, pacing the house, planning my own funeral, what i would say to people that came to visit me on my death bed, and worrying about how my child would be bought up without me [sad]  

I was honestly consumed !!

I then decided to get some help from a new doctor who was wonderful, he was so reassuring and actually listed and understood how i fel, My old doc thought i was mad i think ha! i could see him rolling his eyes when i went to see him. new doc prescribed a low dose of Fluoxetine and refereed for CBT, To be honest the CBT didnt really help me, i think my mind is too powerful, i find it really hard to switch my thoughts off. 

I have had about 8 months of feeling great, genuinely so much happier, and i worry so much less, i enjoy every moment with my little boy. 

During the last month or so, i have sadly lost my uncle to Liver Cancer, he was diagnosed and dies withing 2 weeks, also have friend going through treatment for liver cancer, and coincidentally have been hearing lots of stories about people dying or going through treatments for cancer, and the Health Anxiety is back !! Im soooooooo annoyed, i thought i had it under control! My hubby thinks that recent events may have triggered it again. 

I have had a slight sharp pain under my left ribcage/Breast area for a while now, at first i didn't think much of it and wasn't too worried , but now im back to OCD again, i have seen 3 different doctors about it, each had a different opinion about what it is, which doesn't help my confidence levels, but none of them think its serious, but ive gone back to my arch enemy GOOGLE , i am now convinced i have lung cancer, or maybe cancer of the Spleen, or even some sort of Breast Cancer in left breast, and now im sure im feeling pains in nipple/Armpit, 

Is it my mind playing tricks with the different pains, or should i push for further tests ?

Sorry for long post, was good to let that all out Ha! its a strange subject to discuss with people that don't understand, they just cant relate to my feeling at all, 

I wish i wasn't like this i really do, i would give anything to take these feelings away and live a normal life 

Any suggestions welcome 

Im sorry we are all going through this  [sad]

2

I get what your going through my problem is fear of anxiety itself and no longer health anxiety, but I did have issues of that in the past. My honest opinion is that you do not have cancer and if someday you ever do it won't sneak up on you like it did your uncle, but it makes complete sense that his death triggered you. This is just a minor setback you will be back to yourself again. I would give counsellingn another shot it takes a long time to see results, but worth it. I'm a 28 yr old stay at home mom of 2 and having kids makes it so much harder!

3

I want to start off by saying, you are NOT crazy, you are NOT alone!!! I have anxiety and panic attacks, mainly health anxiety brought on by a slew of nasty symptoms over the last 20 or more years. I would be willing to bet money that you do NOT have cancer of any kind and this is all just anxiety taking your brain down irrational avenue. I would look into therapy, I know you said the CBT didn't really help, but maybe just talking to someone and getting it all out would be helpful. I know it has been for me in the past. Also medication, I don't know what you have tried other than the Fluoxetine but maybe a dosage change or trying something else either alone or added to it might help you as well. I am currently having a horrible time and am stuck in an ugly cycle because I have been without meds or therapy in a few years because I lost my insurance and cannot afford it on my own, it sucks, badly. I don't go to Cancer, mine is heart attack or stroke or blood clot, because my main symptoms are chest pains and pressure and all the cardiac classics. I have had so many tests it isn't even funny, I had a heart cath back in 2012 and my arteries were fine. I have had so many CT scans and Xrays that I probably glow in the dark and will end up with Cancer from radiating myself too much. I have been to the Emergency Room HUNDREDS of times...6 since 2018 started. I cannot function and am at my wits end 99.9% of the time. But I'm still here, I have felt like this for over 20 years in different degrees of severity. I haven't died yet not even when I was convinced the doctors were wrong and must have missed something, nope, still here. I try to use Google as a help now instead of looking up my symptoms. Try researching coping tools, breathing exercises, grounding exercises, aromatherapy, herbal remedies, diets (what foods to avoid and what foods are helpful), pretty much anything you can try that could help you and if not it won't hurt.  I do this...I answer people on these forums. I journal, sometimes I just sit and write and cry for an hour. I write down everything I am thinking and feeling. I yell at myself, at God, I ask why. I do this anytime I feel like I am about to drop dead and need to run to the hospital and most of the time when I am done writing I feel a little bit better, enough to not go to the hospital that day, enough to take a deep breath and try to rationalize with Mr. Anxiety. I hope that something I have said has been a help or a comfort to you. If you ever just need to talk, you can message me here. Good Luck and God Bless!!!

4

Thanks for replying to me ! 

It's hard trying to deal with these things especially when you have little ones too! 

Nice to know I'm not alone ! 

Positive thoughts x

5

Ah Rachel thanks so much for taking the time to get back to me! Sounds like you have had a rough time of it! 

Who knew that anxiety could be so cruel and so hard ! 

I always feel so guilty that I worry about things u can't control, because there is people out there actually dealing with what I'm worrying about , but I just can't help it! 

I think I will look into counselling , I think it will help, I already feel a little releif getting it all out on the Internet ! I'm also going to try writing things down and see if it helps , 

Thanks again x

6

Hi Rosie, reading your story literally makes me feel like it’s mine, but with different symptoms! I also have a child that is young and it’s so hard to be able t carry on as normal when your mind is just consumed with thinking you have cancer, check out my post if you can find it! I have been googling cancer stories and how bad chemo is because I’m so convinced and it’s so bad worryingly my everyday feeling you have it and you feel by the time they find it that it will be to late you are not on your own! I can’t give you any reassuring advice because I feel exactly the same, but if you ever just want to vent or just talk to someone please drop me private message! 

7

Hi lea, thanks for your reply, I found your post and read it, bless u! 

Sounds like we are so similar 😀 

I can only relate to how your feeling and the constant horrible thoughts going through your head . I do exactly the same as you, I have read real life stories ,good and bad to try and prepare my self X  I imagine what I will look like with no hair etc etc , 

Oh gosh it's so horrible ! 

All I can say is try and Find a good doctor , that you can open up to, and discuss your fears , this helped me , I'm hoping to go back to mine and get some more help, 

X

8

I get the left rib pain from stress and too much acid. I almost had a panic attack thinking it was my heart or gall bladder (even though I've had it before and got rid of it with Nexium). Try a couple of Pepto Bismol. If the pain goes away within a half hour or so, it's probably acid reflux from all the worrying. Then you'll need to take an acid reducer for a week or however long until you heal. I take Nexium. It takes about 4 days or so to really kick in. 

9

I’ve no answers no help to give. 

Just read your post and you sound so sad and low about it all. 

I too suffer GAD very severe just now. I don’t have health Anxiety I think that’s a bit different. But saying that I do worry if I get New symptoms. Although I can’t help you I do hope you find the help you need. xx

10

I'm sorry for your struggles. I too have had health anxiety that consumed my life. None of my fears came to be. Now I have GAD and worry about everything and nothing. I know what you mean about CBT. I try hard but my mind is resisting. Good luck to you and all of us.