i have made plans in my own head to finally let go. its easy to write that but this illness is just so bad and i cant bear the thought of another year living like this...sertraline 200mg doesnt work for me....and the thoughts of suicide consume me everyday. i tried a few weeks ago but made the mistake of telling someone goodbye. i cant an wont make that mistake again 
Call you local crisis team Paul. Your care plan need to be altered you can get thru this
Paul.....Please stay with us.I know how you feel,I've been there so many times.Sometimes it feels as though it is the only way out of the agony we feel.I am sure that there must be a little part of you that does not want to end your life,or you wouldn't post on here,though I know I could be mistaken.Please hang in there and call The Samaritans...Talk your feelings through Paul please.A member of my family killed himself several years ago,,it's unbearable for those left behind.I am certain you have people who you mean the world to in your life.You are worth a lot and you can get through this.Sending love and good thoughts to you.Sally
Pls get help Paul....u really need someone to talk to....don give up....because you are much more stronger than this.....you can go through this....and pls think about everyone whom you ever cared about...u would never want to see a situation like this....you are much more stronger than u think....Talk to someone you really trust or your local crisis team...like jimmy said.....Reach out to them for help....and pls remember God is always there by ur side....let him help u too....you are on of a kind...u hav a great purpose on this earth...that only u can do....so never give up....Jesus loves you.....take care
Paul, how long have you been on the sertraline? Did you feel like this before you took it? SSRIs are notorious for causing suicidal ideation. SSRIs made me dreadfully suicidal.
Dear Paul, please, please, please get in touch with the Samaritans and.... or mind.... you never are alone or unloved... you really do need help to be able to have peace of mind,... do it this afternoon, the Samaritans are amazing and the calls are free... all on here really care about you... we have at one time or another all been where you are now..... get help this afternoon. Please.. God bless.. Deirdre xx
Hello Paul.
Please allow us to reach you. We all care and know exactly what you are going through.
Your post suggests that you have had depression for a year already and I know that when you have suffered to long that you are convinced that this is how you will feel forever.
There is no time limit to how long depression will last but I've known people to of been ill for a very long time and come out the other side. You only have to scan these forums for stories to give you hope.
I know it's exhausting..I know it's frightening and I know you are lost but all it takes is one day...that day could be tomorrow...when you wake up and things are better.
Your depressed mind will throw out every negative thought and you will believe it but you must not let it win. This is temporary.
I urge you to give yourself the chance you deserve. You did not ask for this...Its not your fault.....Please give yourself the best chance you can to get better.
Speak to the crisis team. Demand that you get the support you need.
Dont give up mate. You have got this far.....that means you are strong.
The medication may not be the right one for you. Maybe you could change or have the doctor add a small dose of another antidepressant. This works for so many people. You are not alone Paul. There are millions of us fighting the same battle and feeling the exact way you do. We need each other xxx
Paul let us know what your doing . There are people concerned about you. Do you need someone to help you get the help?
Totally agree with comments Paul.
You deserve to get well again and it's so hard to be assertive with the mental health services when you feel so low and desperate.
I pay my NI contributions so people like me, you and everyone else here gets the care they deserve and which is needed,, I really could not give a monkeys about cuts, finance, resources or budgets it's irrelevant.
I do not want you to have to go through another year like you have and nor should the professionals who are there to make sure you don't so firstly do whatever you can to stop yourself from suicide, call Samaritans, SANE, call 999, local out of hours GP, go to the GP surgery without an appointment and tell them there and then what your trying to avoid doing, call crisis team just do whatever comes to mind first and do it without hesitation.
Be prepared for hospital admission but if that is the place you need to start your recovery process then that's the right place.
You are not the person you are and deserve to find your way back and as soon as you feel an improvement (which you will) you will have the seeds of hope and optimism ready to grow, and blossom.
KEEP POSTING!
Its never good when there is no response .
Hey Paul....Please tell us you are all right....We are all very concerned.
Paul, please, please let us know how you are feeling and if we can help in any way possible, we are all concerned for your welfare and you are in our thoughts, please get help as soon as you possibly can, take care please... sincere regards and big warm hugs to you, Deirdre xx
wow, i am quite overwhelmed by all the comments from you lovely people. i didnt think my post would even get a second glance never mind generate so much interest. my post wasn't the cleverest thing i ever done but then i clearly am not thinking straight. sorry for raising concern levels in you all. what i didnt say was that my intent was not immediately, but more so over the next couple of weeks if i can't fight these feelings anymore
Hey Paul...So glad you've updated us.However PLEASE PLEASE get some help today.....You must reach out:there are people out there who WILL help you get through this dark patch,I promise x x
Paul I put a posting recently and like you was overwhelmed by the supportive replies I received here. so many caring people. It is wonderful to know there are others, although in pain with depression themselves, take time to answer us.
I have fought depression for over 20 years. I have taken an overdose, been in psychiatric hospital, lost hoiuse, job, relationships. I struggle, and battle daily. I know it is so very hard, I really do.
Sometimes we feel we cannot battle anymoire, but I think we can dig into the depths and tell this illness it will not win. It ius so easy to give in and so hard to battle, I know. We want the feelings to stop, we want peace.
Over all those years I have upos and downs. I battled. I found strength from somewhere, I don't know how. I am battling hard now, I really am. I will win, I must.
I think we should pour out how we feel, it does help, and look at how lovely, lovely people help us through that dark period. I am very low now, but I will keep posting herem, and I truly believe people here will give me strength, because they all are battling depression.
Paul glad to see you back on line
Sally, thanks for the comment but its not about seeking help....tried that but they dont understand seen a shrink, counsellor, doctor etc etc but they just dont knw...i emailed Samaritans and DWD on Facebook....i get more from writing to forums an causes online than i do face to face with a 'proffesional'.....its a dire state when ur comp becomes your only release xx
thanks Jimmy, hope you are doing ok bud
been on sertraline for about 2 years. it baffles me that something thats meant to help contain depression an suicidal thoughts does th opposite,,an yet its still prescribed! i was offered prozac but i tore the script up...i have heard how bad that can be. if only you could get seratonin in other forms
Hiya ....I've a feeling that all the SSRI's have suicidal thoughts etc listed on the possible side effects list,when you initially start taking them....Always a prudent move when starting any meds,to start on a very low dose and gradually increase it...To minimise the potential side effects.Sadly all medicines have a negative:anti-biotics destroy friendlSoy bacteria in the gut etc etc...Be good to yourself Paul,you're a good guy.