Hello
I'm not sure where to begin. I'm 48 and I know I've drunk too much for years but since a redundancy scare at work 3 years I began drinking in secret every day (well I thought it was in secret) Anyway I lost weight, had no appetite and at Christmas 15 was feeling really ill. I tried to do dry January and lasted 17 days but I felt better then I started drinking again. well by July I felt that ill that I told my husband everything and he took me to A&E. I was in for a week, detoxed ghad LFTs which weren't very good, an ultraound which revealed fatty liver and gallstones. I was told to stop drnking and discharged with vitamin B tablets and thiamine. I also had an MRI but was never given the results of this. I stopped drinking althogether for 5 months, saw my consultant in October then for some stupid reason I started again, no where near as much but it was creeping up (This was10 days over Christmas) Anyway I told my husband again, he got angry but tried to understand and I stopped again for another 6 weeks. Then after I'd seen the consultant again I started having the odd drink. To cut along story short again over the past month Im almost back to being as bad and I don't know why. I hate myself, I feel a failure and I accept I'm an alcoholic. When I was in hospiital they said I'd get a visit from an alcohol nurse but it didn't happen. I tried to speak to my GP but all he could say was"you're at risk of cirrhosis if you don't stop" Well I feel terrible today, all shaky and rock bottom. I haven't had a drink since 6.30pm last night and I'm desperate to change. I'v rung in sick all week but will have to go in tomorrow. Only my husband knows about the excessive drinking, friends thought I'd just given up temporarily because I'd been ill. Husband doesn't drink in the house and doesn't understand how I've got into such a mess.I think he's in denial as much I am. He just doesn't get I'm not bothered about drinking socially I can go and stop after a couple I only drink alome because I'm so lonely but I'm really scaring myself now as I know I physically can't carry on like this and I'm scared of losing my job.I just need to speak to someone who understands.