Hi all, i have just joined this site. I am 36yrs old. I worked for the same company since i was 17 years old. I gave it everything. I havent had a relationship for...ever really. All i did was work. All my freinds are linked to work. My family is not close and i pulled away from them for many years now. It has been my life long dream to live in the USA and i finally made it two years ago however, i lost my job last week. I had a black out episode whilst I and the other managers were away. Apparently i freaked out and started pushing people away from me. They fired me and i am still here, alone in the USA. - desperate not to give up my dream but have already sunk into a deep depression. I know it is as i was hospitalized in 2009 for depression but after CBT and three weeks away to relax and have help i bounced back and became happy again. My benefits are gone so i cannot get help here. I have researched the most effective / painless methods of suicide and have narrowed them down to two options. Suicide by cop (although i never want to drag anyone else into my issues, so would i feel guilty)??? i intend to write the cops a letter - have it on me to let them know they actually have helped remove my pain. The second option is sleeping pills with alcohol and a plastic bag. Thjis method worries me a little as i wouldnt want to survive with brain damage and i have read multiple times that my body could react - although a possibly too late and pull the bag off. I suppose as i am here in the states i could try to get hold of a gun and shoot myself but i wouldnt want to leave a scene like that for people to deal with - cops tend to shoot you in the body rather than the head so this is my preference. As like most of you, i cant sleep much, i have lost almost a stone in 10 days as i have anxiety butterflies that cauze diohrrea... not sure why i am on here - passing the time i guess -
Please, please don't do this to yourself. You are worth living and being here with us. I tried the sleeping pills and it didn't work. Please continue to talk to me or others here. If you can contact a suicide hotline or go to a hospital and seek help. If you want to contact me personly I please do and I will help you with whatever you may need...
Please call this number so they can help you. 1-800-273-8255. Like I said before, you are worth saving, let me be your support and friend.
Hey, please don't do anything silly, we are all here for you. Have you seen a doctor?
I appreciate both you responses, i am grateful, I don't really want to call those numbers. I am already on Cymbalta - 60mg - have been since the last time and it did help. However, my brain wont switch off, it can override any pills. I'm just so low. I dont know what to do... Losing my job has destroyed my life and it wasnt a fair decision either. Everything in my life has a connection to it... I will live with constant reminders of what i have lost. I dont want to have to explain the story again to helplines and i dont want to droll on about it to my friends and drag them down. I am not a bad person, i would nevewr do anything to hurt anyone or anything and i was proud of that - proud of myself as a good person however, My industry that i worked in was the attractions industry and the company has the monopoly in the UK so i am screwed if i go back and i cant bare the thought of explaining why i am back... i cant think sorry, im rambling. People are cruel.
Life can be rubbish, there a lot of nice people around, Did it happen today? What about getting a good funny movie and chocolate or ice cream.
About ten days ago... I need someone to tell me what to do... i cant think... i need to lie down now. Thanks agian for taking the time to reply. I expect i'll be back.
Take it easy, I'm here for you.
I'm glad you came here looking for help...we as a community are here to support you and help you get through this. Remember you are loved and have so many people who care about you.
Ok I am going to tell you what you are going to do.
You are going to stop these thoughts of suicide, you are only young yet and you have your whole life ahead of you.
Go back to the Uk - you don't have to live where anyone knows you. You will be entitled to benefits and free NHS treatment at least.
Then you are going to sue the hell out of your previous employers as they cannot sack you for having a blackout! If you were ill it can't be gross misconduct and don't forget you do have rights. I think they have treated you very shabbily and it might be against the law.
You have come in here because you do want to live and you havet taken the first courageous step in your fight. Now continue it and plan for your future. Stay with us here and we will help and support you all we can. Ok? x
Ps you can always go back to the USA again in the future when you have picked yourself up and carried on. x
You are all good people. Thanks for your support.
Dear Kelcoo,
Good Morning 😊...I hope you slept well and you are feeling better this morning....I was very worried about you and just wanted to make sure you are okay...please, if you want to talk please don't hesitate to write...I hope you have a wonderful day...
I'm still very down. It's hard to think. I have a million plans but need to narrow my options. You seem like a real nice person. I hope you are ok too.
I'm sorry, I know and understand your pain...I worked really hard to be where I'm at in this stage of my life...so the reason I'm on this site is to continue to give back because the site was there for me...I am thinking about and praying for you...trust me, if you work hard the Sun will shine on you again...you are worth saving, so you can achieve happiness and go from having dreams to making those dreams reality...