I'm so so scared. Only just admitted I am an alcoholic albeit functional. Too scared to quit cold turkey as afraid of withdrawal and can't risk the dts and admission as I am a senior nurse in my local hospital. Ashamed to see my GP and admit my problem. I am now panicking as I think my eyes look slightly jaundiced. I stop drinking and then the fear of withdrawals and accompanying anxiety has me opening the wine. Hate what I have become.
Okay, I take it you are in the UK?
How much do you drink per day and how long you have been drinking, be honest, as that is how you will get the best advice, especially regarding the jaundice and withdrawals.
I don't know what the repercussions of being a senior nurse and alcohol dependent, not good I would fear, regards employment. If you are in the UK, a GP would put it on your record and if he thought patients were at risk, he would have a duty to inform someone. Also, if you go to an ARC, they inform your GP, I am sure you know all of this anyway.
There are solutions to this.
I drink a bottle of wine every other night so about 4 a week plus some cans of cider inbetween. Maybe about 4 to 8 cans a week. Sometimes less sometimes more if I have a night with friends etc. I have had a problem with binge drinking at weekends etc since I was about 19.....im now 35....but never almost daily drinking until under a year ago.
This has been so hard to write. I've been in denial so long. I'm rarely drunk and always function fine the next day.
Hi Laura,
You have come to the right place! Please stay on this forum as you will get the right help and advice - if you listen to RHGB and be absolutely honest Regards your alcohol consumption etc. You will get help, and you will be alright honestly! ... some comments may seem a little harsh or abrupt but stick with this! Yes, it is so difficult to admit to having a problem with alcohol, and especially for you because of your professional capacity - you need to be able to receive advice on the right treatment for you, while also maintaining confidentiality - both of which you will receive if you stay brave and remain in contact with those on here that know exactly what they're talking about - well done for taking that first step
Thank you. I really want to change. I have looked after patients for 15 years and haven't looked after myself at all. This hasn't affected me professionally. Never missed work or wrong judgements etc but I don't want to risk it happening in future. I just feel so scared and alone. I know I'm not tho and so many in my position which is why I joined this forum today. But yeah.......terrified about sums it up.
I would say the amount I have been drinking started in January. Beforehand it was a lot less. Prob about 2 bottles over the week and I could space it out.
Hi Laura
What an awful position to be in. I feel for you. The first thing you need to do is to try and STOP blaming yourself. Unfortunately, you are in a profession that blames the indiviual and not the drug, I've had too many conversations with GPS to believe otherwise.
Once alcohol has changed your brain, it's got you.
There are not many people that can taper back safely until they are dry and stay that way without any medical assistance.
My Husband was advised by his gp cut back by 10% a day. It is a long process and I understand from him that the cravings can be difficult to manage.
Have you ever tried to taper back at all? Can you remember your last alcohol free day? This is a great site by the way. Don't despair, Keep talking to us
Kindest Regards
JulieAnne
Aww mate - welcome. It is surprising how it spirals and you do not really notice it. Then you do - and you worry. You are in a remarkable profession and without you guys we would be lost. Always understand that.
Confidentiality is what you need without a doubt. I confessed all to my doc as she typed in on her screen (uggh too late but hey ho).
You are very young and can kick this with no problem.
You don't say if you have family/partner/hubs. A lot of us on here have problems with the past and that has lead us to drink - sadly not the solution. But we still try by having another. Don't feel bad - it can be stopped.
Withdrawal is a no no - but slowing it down can be quite amazing. This is what I am doing and I have been drinking for 40 years daily, though not too badly until the last couple of years. I got scared like you, and I was having 2 bottles a night - wrong wrong - I came on here and they have encouraged me no end and I am forever grateful. I slowly dropped down and left more and more in the bottle.
You feel scared because of the taint in your eyes. Maybe this is a little wake up call - but also can be reversed. Without a doubt, you can change this - slowly creep the alcohol down daily and up your nutrician (most nurses I know, including my Sis in Law who is a Senior Nurse, eat not very well) - promise you at your age and with a little attention to detail (the detail being you - THE IMPORTANT ONE) - you will look back and think - I did this - and you, in turn will go on to help others. It is a fact!
You are on the right place here. Stay on - we will sort you.
G.
U have given me so much hope. Thank u so much. It's so hard tho because I keep thinking I can't do it and I'm not strong enough. So much self doubt and just sheer hate for myself.
I have a lovely husband and 2 kids aged 8 and 6. I've only just admitted to my husband that I realise the problem although he has had concerns for years. My dad and all his side of the family going back generations have been alcoholics at worst or people who have little control when drunk. When he used to say ur like ur dad I used to get so defensive and offended. Now I realise I'm heading down the same road. So ashamed of myself
Thank you. I really appreciate the support. Feel very alone.
I haven't really tried to taper because my husband is really mad about the fact I can't just stop. So I then drink in secret so he doesn't know. I can have alcohol free days but do feel anxious. Always aware that serious issues can occur from day 3 so never make it that long. I'm on such a downward spiral. Frightening
do not worry too much Laura!! You have been on this forum chatting all afternoon and your HONEST and WANT TO CHANGE...what a start...I could easly drink a bottle of wine per night and then drive, work or travel the next and that was WRONG...you have discussed this with your husband and that is great but no easy. You should have ONE THOUGHT in your mind: each drink you have from now on will shorten your life and you will not see your children and yourself grow older together...abrupt I am YES but that is what I had in mind when I was a house dad looking after new born twins and drinking too much (like usual..) not over the limit when driving but drinking more in the evenings and I stopped since I knew that it could kill me.......dramatic?not really....great forum here and we will help and not mis judge you...stop slowly and do consider medication but what docotr to see to avoid humiliation you are thinking?? not certain....best of luck!! Robin
Thanks for replying. Every response I get to this is really helping my thoughts as I have felt so so low today. My husband is away for the weekend so that's probably a big part of it. It's the guilt that kills me. I look at my kids and think how on earth can I be so selfish. Why would I risk them losing our family unit or just having to watch me self destruct.
Laura, I'd suggest The Sinclair Method to start moving things in the other direction. You don't need to go "cold turkey" first, you just start from your current drinking levels. Binge drinkers seem to find it mostly curtails the blackouts if you run into those. Check the paragraph on The Sinclair Method on this page:
http://patient.info/forums/discuss/useful-resources-487627
Also, google:
Claudia Christian TEDx talk
That should give you links to a YouTube video of a talk that Claudia delivered at the London Business School.
I used it for my Alcohol Use Disorder and month by month, it brought me down to well under low-risk drinking limits.
Based on four bottles of wine a week, plus six cans of cider, I don't think you would be physically addicted to alcohol (i.e. withdrawal symptoms), especially if you can go a day without alcohol.
The trouble with alcohol is that for many, they enjoy the buzz it gives them. Unfortunately, the brain builds up a tolerance to this and larger quantities need to be consumed to give the same feeling.
Neurologically, the brain becomes affected and because your normal neuro balance is out, the brain craves alcohol to put it 'right'. People usually continue to drink, when they don't want to because of; anxiety, stress, boredom and routine (too much idle time).
I doubt you are jaundiced (it can becaused by other things like gallstones) through the amount of alcohol you have drunk. Alcohol will only produce jaundice through cirrhosis and your drinking is unlikely to have caused that. Have you seen jaundiced patients? If you Google jaundice and click on images you will see what to look for. Believe me, it is quite striking, especially if you are looking in a mirror. maybe you have a pallor?
Because the normal balance of your brain has been affected, it is extremely difficult to give up with willpower alone, the brain needs to be reset, so that alcohol stops calling you. There are various medications and it is possible to get them without seeing a GP. Read the links on the TSM method that ADE gave, regarding Selincro/naltrexone and listen to some of the people here who have had success with it.
If you decide that is something that you are interested in, you will be given guidance on how to obtain it and how to use it.
Oh dear Laura
Yes, in the early days of our relationship, I couldn't understand why my Husband couldn't just stop, until I saw him sweating and shaking. I did some research then.
My Husbands journey with alcohol has been a bit fraught. We are not all the same though are we?
I am not a doctor so I can only tell you of my husbands experiences. It depends on how you want to stop.
Do you want to stop drinking altogether? My Husband was not very sucessful because he could not bear the thought of never drinking again. That coupled with the cravings made it a huge problem. He was actually abstinent for two years after a medical detox and AA. That was from 2012 to 2014 from then until April this year, he has had an awful time.
He was drinking about the same amounts as you in his mid thirties. He could not control it, over time it spiralled out of control. By the time he was 50 he was drinking vodka on a daily basis.
Depends what you want. My Husband is now following TSM very successfully. He is currently drinking 2 units a day and is working towards an alcohol free day.
We tried to get the drugs for this from his gp but I understand you may not want to do this anyway. Look at the links Ade has sent you.
It is not a gimmick it is real
Let us know what you think
Kind Regards
JulieAnne
That puts my mind at ease a little. I have looked after cirrhosis patients and those that have died thru burst varices etc and the amount they were drinking was staggering. Plus how jaundiced they were. My eyes are just not as bright as usual but I haven't been eating well at all and I am underweight. Obv I have first hand knowledge of these conditions and stages but when u start to Google some sources say minimal amounts can do damage.
Fingers crossed I haven't permanently damaged anything and can start down this path without that diagnosis.
I am definitely interested in TSM. 100%
The whole resetting my brain thing sounds the right way to go. I don't want alcohol to consume my whole life like it has neither can I say I want to be sober for the rest of my life. I think I would fail so many times. I just want it to be there and I can take it or leave it. Leave it if possible.
Thank you. TSM sounds like the best option for me. And cheers for the video suggestion. Will definitely watch that when I'm alone.
So yes any information on how to get started on this medication would be so appreciated.
Thanks to everyone tonight. U are all keeping me going.