Hi, I was diagnosed at a young age with Complex PTSD. So I have no mental memory of a specific giant trauma, tho I did have a lousy rage-aholic father and childhood (long story). Most of the time when I have what I call the “sick feeling” I get this horrible wave of nausea, terror and shame and feel like I’m going to vomit and it just hits me even if I seem to be having a normal calm day. There’s no obvious trigger. I can also be having a stressful day and not have an episode. For decades I’ve seen therapists, psychiatrists and tried meds, hypnosis, EMDR, meditation, herbs, breathing exercises, new age hocus pocus you name it. But when the dissociation wants to hit, nothing stops it. It’s like having a seizure. Yet I also went to a neurologist and they said I’m not having seizures and nothing weird is in my brain. Everything looked normal. Oddly, there were a few years where the dissociation vanished, while I was living with an ex boyfriend and for a few years when I had an eating disorder that I think numbed me. Until recently I only had dissociative amnesia maybe twice in 40-something years. And it wasn’t complete amnesia, it was more like feeling out of your body while you did something dumb like walk into a wall. Most of the time when I dissociated I could keep talking to you while it happened and remember everything, but I’m told I look pale and distressed or my eyes look weird. NOW thanks to perimenopause, which is complete bs, my PTSD and anxiety have worsened so that in the last few years I’ve had multiple episodes of dissociative amnesia where I don’t recall what happened. I’m guessing that it was only a matter of a few seconds but I live alone. Once I apparently dropped a glass and didn’t remember dropping it or putting it in the sink, just saw the mess at my feet when I came too. And a few days ago, I vaguely recalled trying to lie down after getting the “sick feeling” yet after I came too, I had huge red and purple bruises all down my left leg and arm like I must have collapsed or tripped badly, yet no memory of falling. I HATE my brain. It’s a piece of garbage. If I have some hidden awful memory then HIDE it STUPID brain. OR if you want me to know what happened tell me. Either way stop trying to off me. I’ve had no luck with doctors in 40 something years. Wondering, has anyone else experienced this hell and found help? Thanks!!!
I HAVE the same issues. i would like to share my experiences with you. let me know if youd
like to private message. thanks
Yes! I would love to talk to someone who understands what’s going on, at the very least.