Help needed as I just can't cope anymore

Mental health
1

Hi, I'm a 44 yo woman with 2 grown up sons (25 and 26 who live with me).

=14pxI have suffered from crippling anxiety, panic attacks and depression since I was in my late teens, I also self harm and abuse prescription medication (Tramadol and Codeine linctus).

Last Sunday I totally lost the plot, I had a bit of alcohol and cut all my arms, legs, I phoned the mental health out of hours and they sent an ambulance.

I don't recall all of what happened but my sons called my mum and she came to my house, I was smashing my head off things like the radiator, fridge etc, I always say I want to be dead by the time I am 50 and often think about suicide, I have planned out my suicide and know exactly how I will do it.

I was taken to local hospital and ended up spending the night then was released, I am on Mitrazapine 45mg, Quetiapine 250mg, Diazapam 30mg, Tramadol 200mg a day but nothing seems to help.

Most of the time I just don't want to be here anymore, I am vegan and have been for 42 years and get horrendous thoughts in my head about animals being abused and used for experiments and I cant get them out my head as they stay for months.

=14pxI feel I don't want to live in a world where people do things to animals like that and I don't know what to do, mental health in my town is pretty crap as appointments are like 6 months apart and no use when I go.

Please don't say think of your kids as I love my sons more than anything but the pain of being alive is too much and I feel they would be better off without me as I am such a pain and then they would not have to worry about me, they don't really take any notice of when I am upset and that hurts to be honest and just makes me feel more worthless.

Can anyone offer any advice please.

Thanks x

2

Please ring your GP or mental health team as a matter of urgency!!

I'm sorry that is the only advice I can give, hopefully someone will post a more helpful reply for you.

Sending hugs and love

3

Sounds like your going through a lot and you need some serious help. First step is to see your GP and be prepared to be admitted as you are a danger to yourself.

Your medication needs looking at if its not helping plus you need Councelling.

Your illness is complex and you need to be looked after by a professional.

I hope you get the help you need but you need to reach out for it.

Neil 

4

Hi your sons are probably frustrated and don't know how to help you.l don't understand why you were released from the hospital anyone that is a danger to themselves are admitted to the hospital to prevent any suicide attempts especially if you have planned it out.Get help immediately and don't kill yourself.