Help needed on possible social anxiety

Hello,

When I was younger and im 39 now, my family were very strict, over protective, and could be threatening if i went out of line, threatening to strangle me or put food on my head if i didnt eat it. saying kids in africa starving , you have no excuse.

I grew up feeling not so connected to people, was bullied all my school life and was scared to fight back. I was beaten a lot and was small. Even when i did fight back at 18, i didnt feel good for hitting out. 

I couldnt understand people very well and seemed over sensitive. 

I always grew shy walking the streets and didnt enjoy eye contact or going into the city center. I felt like going down a narrow tunnel going to work and felt so emotional. 

If went to supermarket, or walking the busy center i felt a spotlight on me and would wear drab clothes not to be noticed. I never really went to a councillor about it but after my dad died i  went to one who said jobs where you are in the spotlight wont help you.

I let things bubble up inside me and cant express myself, wants, needs desires very well. i espcially dont feel like expressing to strangers at work. to say when im not happy.

I found growing up i would try to please, and be the nice guy, but maybe it wasnt so genuine. i wanted to break free.  i dreamt of having friends. i didnt make many.

I didnt find i was motivated, and had poor self esteem. my family did well in life. but my mum had high blood pressure. father bad depression and he died young.  

I was only on some anxiety drugs once at 19 but i felt like my head was cloudy and came off them.

I am writing because i dont enjoy anythign like meditation, or the sound of cognitive behaviour therapy. i have no attention to things that take time and work like that.

I find myself looking the easy way, the quick way for things. 

I saw on a video, a psychologist who is popular on youtube recommending wellbutrin and doesnt have many side effects. Does anyone know more about this?

Also of possible future developments or therapies? I am wondering if im suffering a chemical imbalance.

i know im not perfect and make excuses for myself a lot and talk myself out f situations thinking i didnt deserve that, and if i try i wont do it. 

 

Hi James84867,

I empathise with you a lot. My father was excessively strict - controlling in fact. My brother and I were terrified of him, he was unpredictable, as well as physically and verbally violent. Experiences (traumas really) like this have a deep impact on the way your brain and nervous system develop, most of my life I've felt under attack, and believed that abuse from people is inevitable. This makes you an easy target for cowardly bullies at school and in adult life. Nobody deserves that. People like us do need help to change the way they respond to others, unfortunately there are no quick and easy fixes because this damage took a while to happen, and your mistrust of people has been with you for so long.

Mindfulness and CBT can help if you give it a try. I know you are reluctant, but what do you have to lose? CBT can help you to see yourself as worthy of all the positive things in life, part of the issue is the way you think of yourself. The way you think of yourself is because of the negative messages you got from your family. Do you always downplay your achievements? Do you find it hard to believe people when they say nice things about you? This is the inner critic that your childhood created. Medications can't help you recognise that the way you think of yourself is flawed, an emotionally resilient person is able to see both the bad and the good side of themselves. Counselling can help with this. Ask yourself, 'why don't I deserve good things?' Look at some of the terrible people in the world who have no problem believing that they're perfectly ok. What makes you so terrible? I'm willing to bet the answer is nothing, you're just fine.

I understand the need for a quick fix. I have pretty severe anxiety and depression. Because of the impact it had on my day to day living, I chose to medicate. Wellbutrin from what I understand has a decent success rate for depression. However, every person is different so it's not "one size fits all" when it comes to medication. I would certainly speak with your physician to discuss options. While I support the use of medication, I also firmly believe therapy should also be a part of the treatment plan. You still want to learn how to manage your thoughts and emotions. Learn how to cope during difficult times, manage your stress, etc. Medication doesn't teach you how to do that, but therapy does.

I'm glad you are reaching out. You deserve a happy life and now you're one step closer to it.

Thank you Su,

Yes, I find ive wasted so much of my life procrastinating, sometimes blaming, maybe out of having something missing. I tried councelling one time, but i think i would need to pay maybe good money to find a decent councillor as the one i tried had no benefit for me personally. I just couldnt connect. I also felt like i was making excuses. 

Sometimes, if you didnt want for too much materially, you feel anything lacking emotionally, or any abuse, shouldnt be complained about. 

I looked online for many self help and for what you suggested, but i cant really understand the ups and downs and when it happens in me. I cant understand how to do the planning, but worse for me is not being decisive, having too many doubts, regrets, hitting myself for mistakes-not physically. 

also things like meditation brings back sometimes concentration but also past painful memories. i prefer to kind of be in a daze, but i dont understand my mind is always looking at the past. in everything including relationships. also with being nearly 40, and having had arthritis in both hips, and now seems i have thyroid problems, a big concern for me is and has been most of my life, finding a job, which is more creative, and not in a place being picked apart. i think its hard to know what im good at and what i can do. That hasnt changed much. i did an environment degree but the work was too physical for me after awhile. i find supermarket work soul destroying i feel i can be creative but i cant find the thing that i could be good at.

it seems most of the new kind of jobs are all customer focused. I think this and location, and flats are big problems in my life. I didnt make many friends.

Yes, Thank you.

Yes, its hard when people say nice things. My mum also i noticed had this problem, she would often cry.

My friend said she doesnt use her heart, not connected to it. I often felt like it was having two dads.

I realised sometime back that my thinking was flawed and stop trying to be perfectionist, but i think maybe having some depression and having a kind of manic phase, plays into this perfectionism as its like a burst of energy. That could get me into trouble, as then i would feel like drinking alcohol, especially as it helped suppress anxiety. 

Often i would feel an open book with my insides on display to everyone. not a nice feeling and bad for office politics. i didnt feel like i could build privacy, like a public face. 

I would have wished i could have progressed into a better kind of environmental job working with animals but i wasnt able to.

 

It's an uphill battle isn't it? I still feel like I am being negatively scrutinised by people, when I know how bad these negative beliefs are. It is unfair that your parents didn't foster resilience in you, they lacked those skills themselves no doubt. My own father had a nightmarish childhood of poverty and deprivation.

So you have to in a sense become the supportive parent to yourself that you never had. The good thing is that you can do it, it takes determination and more courage than I've had at times because deep down I don't believe that I deserve to be more confident, which logically I know is a useless belief. It's far from too late for you, try making small changes, one at a time. I think for people like us (with severe depression and low self esteem) it's easy to get overwhelmed with all the things that are wrong, but you can't fix your entire life in one day. 

Yes, but I dont usually if ever meet anyone who seems to relate to me.

My father was also from very poor family,but good dad and all the brothers complained their mother who i thought was actually more loving than my own. A good listener. 

I agree, they lacked those skills you talked about but I find it interesting that my mum, sister who dont seem to connect with their heart, are both good at maths and do well in life. How materialism, money, success can happen to people who dont use their heart and those who empathise, are clever in different ways seem to lead more a tortured existence. Yes, walking a long today I thought this, why suspect others judging you when you are minding your own business. I always feel like the harder i avoid attention the more i get. i loathe attention so often bullies try to put attention onto me. 

I think that people like us maybe a lot stronger than other people out of resiliance and my dad said before he went that you see the weaknesses you think you have are actually your strengths. i believe he had manic depression, or bi polar. was like a coiled spring, counting pennies worrying about going back to being poor. Couldnt enjoy easily what he had and made me think their was a fear around every corner. 

Sometimes i saw dads from france, europe in asia, letting kids climb over chairs and not even watch them and it made the control in me feel very nervous. I feel that the control that was on me has influenced me a lot. I often worry about all around me and people around me. 

Sometimes they seem so nonchalent. 

Have you ever considered going to group therapy for social phobia? I know it might sound intimidating, but at least you would meet people who understand you and your experiences.

I left temporarily Uk, to teach as silly as it might sound for 5 years. I taught different countries. i left because i had hip problem from sport. i used to feel not enough so i tried to do very good and injured it at 16. It has been unstable since due to cartilage problems and after i tore something doing sit ups in my stomach which led to i think scar tissue, adhesions and has never been strong since. 

I left to teach as i couldnt carry on environmental work as was too physical. However as much as it taught me to confront my own fears talking to groups. I was given a lot, 44 lessons and in -35 degrees weather in winter at high altitude and i was loosing my voice, and  i tried then greece, thailand, vietnam but in vietnam after a year of loosing energy, i was just told i have hyerthyroidism and graves disease, and i think stress and arthritis combined.

problem in uk was my own parents judged, and critisized, perfectionists so that the change in uk from traditionalism to post modernism and marxism leanings in society meant i was seeing communities , families were falling apart. I began to see this the longer i saw from afar, and its become hard to think to go back, other than for its food, landscapes, nature. 

I think unless those groups are online, maybe hard to access, and also a bt scary. i dont feel a lot in common with anyone. i have a few friends, hungarian, lithuanian, vietnamese, but all from more traditional family cultures. I find myself at odds with my own culture im afraid and the way UK is run. 

So its a combination maybe of parents, bullying, from different cultures in UK, strict education, injury, and maybe my own flaws. 

It sounds like you have a lot of physical issues that contribute to your social isolation and depression. Thyroid issues are particularly bad in regards to anxiety and depression, treatment for this ought to improve your mental state somewhat. Have you discussed this with your doctor?

I find it interesting that you mention the erosion of 'traditional family' considering the things we've discussed about orthodox family units. I'm not convinced that tradition's are generally a positive thing. After all it was the 'traditional family' hierarchy and society's reverence for that which allowed my father to mistreat the vulnerable members of his family, many teachers and neighbours knew what was happening, and did noting to interfere. If a family is composed of emotionally healthy people, then it won't be easily broken. Also, let's not forget the impact of capitalism on social isolation.

I am right now trying to get to the bottom of it in Vietnam. Its tricky because of translation barrier. tests on here, someone translated as beign positive for hyerpthyroid with graves disease, which is what the doctor wrote, who a tiny medical laboratory, referred me to.

I am hoping the medicine is right, and have 4 week blood test planned, and if its still showing the same thing, i can either trust the test, and medicine, or try come back to the UK.

Thats where my fears lie, because ive no back up in the UK  and feel defeated before trying. its the most populated country in EU now, and i prefer avoid crowds and heavy undue competition for jobs. 

When you dont like your home city, and sometimes dont know where to start, because ive been to many countries, but UK has so so many cities, and huge ones. Its quite hard to know where to start.

Finding somewhere quiet, respectful, with general jobs, a bit conservative and not too cold. Im from the North and its the damp that effects people, especially with arthritis. 

I dont know where to start, really, as i opened my beliefs on a sensitive topic for maybe you and me regarding traditional and obviously when something hasnt gone well for another person, its hard to say anything that would change that perspective i think because its just their experience.

I wouldnt try to change that if something bad had happened to you and feel its because of traditional nature. 

My family traditional and i didnt have a good time of it, but I mean that in each country i visited, instead of seeing gangs of young people feeling they own the streets, vandalising, and hitting older people as i witnessed, i saw old and young people who both felt valued in society where government has taken over.  AS i grew up in the 70s, It was a time when the kids of someone belonged to them and they were not the governments responsibility. Its the same in all the countries i visited. 

Bad things can happen in any country, but in all the time of 5 years ive been away, ive never felt too treathened. Ive had some money stolen, but generally its been through tiredness or something i made a mistake on. In contrast where i grew up, everytime i went out, people would stare and feel threatened if you look at them. I blame this on the divide of the family as benefits handed to the husband and wife apart. So the kids growing up didnt have the benefits of both the woman and the man as both have equal to give in different ways. Physically and mentally the child may lack because of this but that being said, im not blaming parents who do split up. However i think governments have made it less priority on a stable family society. 

I think that we had no reverance for hierarchy in the past 40 years really.

I think if a father or mother has bi polar, then it will happen if traditional or not traditional but hopefully, they have supportive family around them. Health of a family i think comes from good people linked in a society. I think uk is opposite of a healthy society for a long time. my own beliefs .

I think that is also a difficult question what you bring up, when say someone doing something bad in the family, and the other family members allow it, and im not sure myself on the peoples roles outside of that like teacher. maybe family friends can intervene somehow. i dont know. My experience was more from threats of actions to me with my dad, hearing shouting between him and my mum which scared me and my mum holding me down and shouting till blue in the face and pouring soup on my head, ruler over head. But not as bad as a boy i knew was belted by his dad but then he died young. 

I dont really have a lot to compare my experience with but i dont think society is too healthy so i know deep down their are so many people with worse experiences.

i know that my failing comes, with say, needing a plan B. so making that happen, its so easy my family say, get a job, get a flat, but when you want to do everything perfect and dont know anyone, it feels like impossible. everything is automated robot service and filling out forms with tricky not well worded questions or people on the other end of the phone you cant understand.

i am convinced that society is just getting too complicated, too much red tape from speaking to older people i knew, who told me to leave the UK.

it sounds underneith the surface, you also had some hard experiences. 

I dont know how to change my brain now so i can feel confident and learn how to find the right city, job, flat. i look online for things, and its all very expensive, sites, or not the things im looking for. 

Seems a lot of information comes from knowing people who know the right landlords, or people in those jobs.

My point was that change away from tradition is not intrinsically bad. People will have entirely different experiences under the same conditions. I have lived in different countries and experienced different cultures, communism and capitalism for example. The thing about experiencing different systems of government/different cultures as you and I both have is that you can see neither is perfect. A traditional family can mean that the members look after each other, or it can mean a suffocating experience of control and abuse. It is the individual family and not the type of society that the family exists in that is important,although obviously external pressure has an influence. Fractured families and isolated people have always existed, poverty and mental illness has always been part of human life. Today's society (in western countries) is blamed for a lot of mental and behavioural problems, but is that really because of a move away from tradition? Or is it because these problems are considered less shameful? Think what would happen to people deemed 'mad' only a century ago in the most forward thinking societies. I'm not a believer in a 'golden age' or golden social structure. Societies change, human nature does not.

You are right about cities in the UK being a very hard place to live. Too many people and not enough opportunities. I am living in a much less populous place at the moment, people are very open and friendly on the surface, but it's just as hard to make a deep connection with them (for me). I think about returning to the UK, when I am particularly unhappy. Due to the fact that it's such a busy place, you meet a wider variety of people, and people can be less conservative. i always found London especially to be stimulating and exciting, which I miss.

I would suggest again that you see a counsellor, in the meantime try to focus only on immediate problems, otherwise it all gets too much. Make a list of things that you would like to change, pick something simple to begin with and think of a solution. Doing small things to improve your situation can help to build your self esteem, and make sure you acknowledge when something goes right. Give yourself a mental pat on the back for even small achievements. 

Hello,

I can reply to both emails here. I know your challenging me to think outside my own box, which is probably always a good thing to do. 

I wouldnt say that any communism was good thing because there has been no successful communist country. Capitalism has been taken advantage by the greedy and where their were more people who gave back to their workers before, now not so much. The government took control and the banks of printing money and not being regulated properly. Everything was privitisised and everything looks the same and is done in the same mould. we have internet but people are taught to think the same more than ever. If you challenge ideas of the status quo in west, you are automatically labelled by people who didnt red their history. Alot now follow marxism and as we know how well that went in russia.

I also see where your coming from about the past, times like victorian times, but i am not a strong believer in these times either. I think that kings and queens were not the answers hundreds of years ago. Lots of them were from the same families and inbred and made mistakes going to other peoples countries. Before that my own community in the north was destroyed, worse than scotland, wales.

England has been pushed as one idea but it never was. It was systematically destroyed and repackaged without those peoples in different arreas having a say on their destiny and never having an opportunity to say no. There are no conservatives in england, only in name. The unionists were broken up to protect workers rights and the industries in north sold to india, china. We became a nation of shop keepers and our fishing industry sold to the EU , meanwhile the ministers in uk getting rich as always since 1066. The house of lords, who elects them. the EU, who out of the people elects them... We have been divided and conquered. The north, cornwall, wales, and they stopped those people speaking welsh, the people in north speaking gaelic. Many peoples complained to me about british empire n the north, and i was born inocent. I know my relatives didnt go their or africa. 

I also know many peoples in north forced to fight in other countries against their will. 

All the parties, conservatives, labour, liberals are exactly the same. Their policies are designed to brign people to UK for votes only, easy votes, and starting wars for this effect and oil. 

They never live next to immigration. they live in wealth and not like me have to be confronted y 2nd generation immigrants complaining about past wars. Or being segregated through religion that isnt anything to do with our own beliefs or wants. 

Something the same old bad, is being pushed onto peoples around the UK. 

If you look at it very simply, its numbers, less countryside, green, less health, less seats on the bus, less job opportutnities, schools, fathers, neighbours, like mine complaining at something they cant do anythings about. stress.  Medicine over prescribed by doctors as an easy solution because the government dnt want to talk about the problems, they are creating. the impossibly bad benefit system, that has spiralled out of control and has no way of paying off the debt long term. 

I think for myself staying as far away as possible from the mess. The GMO food, thats causing alergies, the vaccinations causing problems, all the eastrogen in the water ausing mens infertilitiy.

I can honestly say the peoples have it better in vietnam, turkey, anywhere ive been. At least they know something cna go wrong but have a family, strong to support when it does go wrong.

I dont believe that it can lead to suffocating and abuse from a traditional family. I think my dad was controlling because he had bi polar and felt that he had to have immense control over himself that extended to others. i think that came from societies problems. from increasing legislation over even keeping farm animals like chickens. so much red tape making things supposed to be fun not fun anymore.

I think that the mental problems are stemming from the loss of control over our own destinies but i would argue this has been from the beginning with British system, and we never had that equality and spritiuality we had a long long time ago. places england went like india, still has its culture, traditions, religions, but after the romans in england, the vikings, the germans, we lost our religion, druidhism which i think would have resembled budhism and this is the same religion westerners are fleeing europe to seek. spirituality. something we lost and capitalism or anything we have isnt replacing. a moral compass, a balancing of materialistic and spirituality. 

i ask germans who attack me over brexit here, why they came. is it not for culture?

why ? when EU is systematially saying anything we want to keep as culture seems to be a problem.

christmas, in west, they now saying, green tree, instead of christmas tree, and rights of christians are being hampered. 

I think we became out of balance, a b*****d nation in england, we took on the roman identity, the french norwegian one and lost out own. there is where the problems started, and our leaders wanted the same for ireland with devastating results. We are all searching for our past, which was burnt a long time ago. William the conqueror, said on his deathbed that he ravaged the north of england, the women, the men, the cattle and we never had a talk about this. we see films like braveheart in scotland when my own people were treated much worse. At least indians still have their idenetity, they religion. we have stone heads, celtic spirals, 10 celtic english words left. Thats our history.

If the government gave the north time to rebuild its identity, culture can be made more again, but it was constantly dictated to. Our region wants semi independence but it wont be allowed.

 

Yes, good ideas, and i also tried some of these, like in the past i nevet said well done to myself.

I think what we always did, we feel is naturally right for us. 

Going back to challenging mindsets. I asked germans, and austrians, come with me, let me show you england, the part you dont see on TV, and lets see if EU is working for us.  Divided communities, wreckless lost youths. Its okay in leafy parts of south england, and they never experience multicultrual enrichment. You know they have the greek community, turkish, black one because they want to live with each other. The turkish prime minister is calling on the millions of turkish in germany to vote for the people he would like to see in. There are whole communities putting out the turkish flag on their house as if its turkey. How can this be right and non of these peoples from very different cultures are being adapated to european countries. Only the original whites are moving out. 

Tony blairs cultural minister, has said muticulturalism hasnt worked, merkel of germany said the same thing. are all these communities racist for wanting to be with people who look the same, like the same foods. no, and no one accuses them of being so. it seems only the whites can be racist. if you watch tv, read the news. 

Im afraid london wouldnt be a good place for me. i went shopping in a community full of indians, bangladeshi, and their behaviour is just too different to mine. a lot of pushing, no space, and i felt suffocated. I was visiting a friend but i had to leave. it was a hell for me. My friend who lives down their said they call my area white city. But thats okay, i dont mind being called white.

My friend said same as you, why they liked london, but they were from lithuania and it wasnt happening in their country. They now want to move to a quiet area now older.

im worried that those quiet areas become too expensive and too hard to find and i think its realistic that s happening. 

I am going to try find a gym, as one opens in a month. But my main problem is planning, finding a place in UK, when i doubt myself so much. Its the fear of the unknown, making a mistake.

I wondered if there were forums, that offer help with housing, advice on location. sad

 

Yes, the UK is in a mess, it has been for many decades, probably almost a century actually. But think back to a time that you believe was better. Who was it better for? Let's take the US as an example. I've had people tell me that it's 'the greatest country in the world'. Really? For who? Not for the jobless, not for the homeless, not for those affected by gun crime, not for those that can't even afford a reasonable education for their children. Sometimes we can live in a bubble and assume that things are great, whereas in reality people living not far away from us are in a dire situation. 

These are very subjective things and it doesn't hurt to see the wider picture. You say that traditional families are not suffocating, talk to people from traditional cultures for example where arranged marriage is the norm, they might tell you that their family traditions are suffocating to the point of robbing them of their lives. Others of course will tell you that it's no problem, it's all subjective. Which brings me back to something you've mentioned before, post modernism. Don't you think that is a natural reaction to the death of the utopian dream? 

England has had immigrant communities for a long time, (my parents were immigrants, so I know what it's like to be sneered at for being different). You live overseas, how would you take it if people there expected you to basically become someone that you're not because you make people uncomfortable, because people want to be surrounded by languages and customs that are familiar to them. Part of the reason for the failure of multi-culturalism is xenophobia. Another part of it is I think the government's cynical exploitation of the situation.

Hello,

I think that arranged marriages is a breakdown in society. I think that society in Uk, has been eroded over all the times it was destroyed repeatedly, but we only see it as the destroyer. 

I think that when you have so many wars, and the french one lasted 100 years, only the french one. You can see the spirituality die in a nation. I think ww2 killed off the european spirituality completely, and se we moved ot caring about other peoples religions, cultures to maybe replace our own out of fear of what we had done. 

I am worried arranged marriage, our government allowing that over 40 years. Indians, pakistanis, even in turkey, men going their to marry and bring back women to uk without government doing anything. Also vice versa. 

We are importing this and a religion, and its laws to the UK, for which the people dont want and had no say. 

I think the USA is such a big example you make, I wouldnt know where to begin, but i find it interesting europeans put themselves on a peddastool as if being above other cultures, that we are beyond a culture, and that our own past is to be feared. Americans gave sanctuary eventually, reservations, land to them and norway recently to sami, who emigrated to europea after celts and beaker man. If they are given land ,then someone like me, white, with maybe 20 percent native left in me, should also have some land. I also have the genes in me, that make me operate in a different way, evolving over time to belong to that land. I see no differences, especially as american indians are now mixed too and were not the first their. In south america africans came to south america first and the native indians pushed them south off the land. 

I just believe that culture, traditions are bonds and we owe those bonds also to our past relatives. the lands our root. The government cannot, should not privitise everything. look at the facebook founder, pushing off local hawaiian people. its happening many places. 

I believe it shows we need more than intelligence as that often breeds greed and meglomania. 

We need what we lost, what the whites in america, stopped in native american indians, wisdom, knowledge, more than the egomaniacs wanting power, who could be british, spanish, portuguese, and do thigns like wars in the name of all british, which doesnt represent me, but im blamed for it by immigrants. If an indian government starts a war, do i blame all indians as being that man who started it. no, but guilt, blame is pushed by indians, africans on all british who they come across. it has to stop and if they do this, why come to uk? only for money? if hate the people so much.

Can, you explain more about post modernism and the utopian dream?

I think the government exploits for votes. I dont believe in immigration because of people being lazy here. i think benefits killed off peoples spirit. when you look at 2nd, 3rd generation immigrants they become same as the british. 

I think that the government was wrong to just stick immigrants up north with people from opposite faiths, cultures, en masse without even asking. 

Well in my case, i have brought skills with me, and ive never taken insurance or benefits from any country i lived in. I also had not planned to stay away so long. 

I certainly am not doing what immigrants did to a city near me, where there used to be my people, buildings could shop in, and now whole streets are just religious buildings of another kind. this to me is segregation and an ugly one. And many women were exploited by this community too which the police covered up. so much will be pushed into the open hopefully one day but its sown seeds of deeep resentment among britons. 

I dont believe that there should be no immigration but tony blair himself said he pushed illegal immigration to rub it in the noses of conservatives. that man is so lucky he isnt in jail. I find it ironic this.

I cant imagine, in many countries, them accepting half a million immigrants a year like britain is. we are not and never have been united states. we are our own country.

In response to the direct question in your last post... you mentioned post-modernism as a cause of the break from traditional families. My point is that dreams of utopia - a perfect egalitarian society - have more or less died due to the social upheavals of mainly the last century, but really going back to the end of feudalism in Russia (or perhaps even the French revolution, if you pay attention to history). Many people are now aware of the terrible results of trying to implement a radical social theory on an entire nation (ie., communism). People have become cynical, they are aware that there is no such thing (in practice) as a utopian society. Trying to enforce fairness is a contradiction (which you refer to when you criticise multiculturalism). History repeats in cycles, people rebel against the constraints of an unfair system, a new system replaces it, there is a period of triumph, then reality bites as human nature (greed and corruption) take over and the society is deemed rotten again. 

Post-modernism is about plurality. It is not either/or, it is and. It's about eclecticism. You can see this as believing in nothing, or accepting everything. Post-modernism dispenses with rigid hierarchies. Personally I see this as a good thing, enforcing tradition for it's own sake is pointless. Transgression from norms is important, it makes you think about whether a set of norms is still actually useful. 

Yes, I am sorry, but the people who wanted and introduced it have admitted multi culturalism has not worked. All those groups have just made little countries within ours. Its not that i am judge jurer or my way should be. in practice it has worked out as it has. Sure in richer areas, you get some placid white people who are ignorant of what is going on in the rest of the country. Those happy on places like london that maybe has the most entertailment to deflect any negatives. But crime rates have all gone up their are society I believe is in metldown without some technological benefit for all.

In countries like turkey, other religions have been pushed out and everyone no matter what faith you are, have muslim stamped on your passport. I would sa the critiisism is a lot more in other countries.

Also I have been sneered at and shouted at in every country i have been but i recognise it isnt my country. so its okay.

About post modernism. We have labour party turning communist in marxism and its leaders supporting regimes in venezuala. i think that the activism of far left is following russia's mistakes and the hate towards anyone who is conservative thinking in universities even from teachers. I think freedom in universities has fallen and government members from the conservatives are warning about this. you cant just have intelligence in society without elders and wisdom. But i noticed when younger people got smart phones, they knew it all. power at their finger tips without learning from experience so much. i think it trivilaises experiences. Even they talk of not letting older people vote in brexit. wow, what an arrogance i thought.

A fairness i guess is subjective and to do this, i  think they need a different kind of pannel. in some countries budhism ran alongside the government but im not saying this. Some other form of way, not in this insideous human rights or united nations that has watched at least 2 genocides unfold without helping. And the human rights who it seems quite often are protecting the person engaged in crimes than the victim. 

I am looking for any alternative because we had liberals running the show for over 60 years and our we face a big extinction of animals, pollution on global scale and people are so depressed in the west.

I didnt know what referring to about the russians and french. I think i can answer you on that though because i assume you mean the balshevik revolution, who i heard the jews started and the french king. In my view, jewish have alterted for the worse, politics in the west and the king and queens of europe, who were a lot of them inbred with hapsbergs are to blame. They treated their people appaulingly. In Uk people like me faced reverse racism. i couldnt become a fireman because i didnt speak indian and other jobs in asian areas only employed asians. 

I am not suggesting you change your opinions as you seem a post modernist supporter but you would understand more my views under a professor jordan peterson. 

I believe their are chinks of good in anything but I dont believe in post modernism and i see our morals, values are corroded. I have not turned my eyes away from all the bad i saw in my communities so i know deep inside me how bad its got. its rotten and i believe part of that is to do with bonds, family bonds, friends, having green spaces. Not having a fear to speak your mind. 

Stopping all the GMO's and chemicals causing an explosion in diseases. I think this is common snese but money is making this happen or should i say greed. 

I would never try to enforce a fairness. Usually having some good examples of why something is beneficial i believe helps. I also am a believer we have enough space on this earth and why we all need to follow one system. we have propaganda saying we should to avoid wars. Its another fear. Let their be different systems and countries allowed to folllow their own system. They cant get worse than america's. So I would say for things we saw in the recent elections in Britain, in America where people have had marxism and post modernism pumped into the universities and have different opinions from people who are older like me. Dont just assume we are wrong. I would say if we have extremists like antifa and that hate towards american police, and the conservatives are for the police and against far left policies. I believe that we should look at making a split for the health of a country long term. I can say that books introduced to america by some harmful french philliosopers and german frankfurt schools has don a lot of damage to american politics and society at large. 

I also have a right now as a conservative white person to feel agreived. i had many bad experiences with foreigners in my own country and reverse discrimination. I know what is going on.

But that doesnt mean I would treat a foreigner bad or a young person worse.

it just means after a long time of being open minded to everyone, that at 39, I would be less inclined to engage with younger people in mid twenties and foreigners who lived in England. 

Experience can be hard on people and as we get older, we avoid more possible conflicts from people we think know it all.