I know I'm not okay and that this is something serious but I've been suffering from insane depression and anxiety. My brain cannot rationally think the negative thoughts aqua it just believes them and when I try to be rational my brains keeps fighting back and not believing me. My depression started of due to anxiety from having GERD that caused chest pain and heart palpitation so all those anxiety attacks made me develop depression and negative thoughts. I kept believing I was going crazy with each panic attack so that is my brain pattern now that is hard to change. I am not able to eat. It is 3:10PM and I have been nauseous all day and I just ate one apple right now. The thought of actually eating anything else makes me believe I'll definitely vomit it afterwards, I mean it's something right? I used to be such a foodie but now I'm disgusted by it. I suffer from anxiety ALL DAY. If I feel a certain pain I believe that it's worse and it feels terrible. I guess when we have anxiety disorder we are much more sensitive to little pains. So basically my depression consist of wanting to stay in the discomrfot. Everytime I want to do something my depression makes me not enjoy things and either makes me focus on the emptiness and hopelessness or the fast heart rate and chest tightness that I'm going through. My derealization has made me dizzy. I am completely crazy. I feel like I'm dreaming or in a high state. I just want to be able to grasp reality again but this derealization is scaring me when I feel dizzy or weak. I suffer from old flashes. My stomach grumbles so much but I can't I gag when I take a bite of something. The thing about me is when I think about someone leaving the first thing I feel is a tight stomach clench and anxiety. I accept being alone but the thought of being alone with my thoughts terrifies me to the core. I try to concentrate on the moment but my feelings and anxiety are controlling my emotions and thoughts. I have been posting on forums like this everyday at least once because I'm scared I'm going crazy. I'm scared of being nuts if someone doesn't reassure me that this is normal. I feel like I'm stuck in this dark hole. I have some moments of clarity and logica and understanding and no fear but they disappear after like 10 minutes. Tomorrow I'm getting my thyroid checked hopefully it's my thyroid just making me feel out of balance. if I don't distract myself like looking for forums all day I will be alone with my thoughts. I am scared of letting them go because I fear they will manifest me. I'm scared of letting my thoguhts come and go as they please. Everytime I get intrusive thoguhts people tell me to just analyze them and do not engage or dig deeper into them. I mean when I analyze them I can't control to think deeper because my brain automatically thinks that. If I ever feel relaxed and good chills on my body my anxiety thinks the stillness isnfroma stroke or something. I can't relax this anxiety and depression is grtting comfortable now and I'm afraid of them being my future norm. How can I stop it before it becomes too strong? I always think "one day the suffering will have to go away" but my thoughts make me feel like I'll suffer forever. Im too anxious to practice mediation. I've recently been searching for god to make me feel like there's hope and light at the end. I hear people that believe and have faith in god and god gives them the strength to face their depression and anxiety and to get the motivation to find help for them. Having that faith is what I need. I'm just afraid god will think I'm just using but I'm in immense pain and I know god won't hate me. I'm sorry but I was never religious till how bad it's gotten and now I have faith and I talk to god and that's amazing therapy to just look up and to explain how you feel and god listens. I'm done pretending that there is nothing out there. It's my belief so you can judge me all you want but anyway thank you for those who don't. I love you all and I know we'll get to the end of the tunnel with a stronger brain and willpower.
The pain is GERD causing burning pain - try some bland toast. I normally end up as bad as this sfter a bug so I know how you feel.
I was diagnosed with treatment resistant MDD with psychosis in 2015. My experience was very much like yours. I became convinced that my negative thoughts were justified and I couldn't think rationally anymore. My psychiatrist found the meds that work for me and I have taken them since July 2015. They gave me my life back.
Assign some time periods during the day and especially during the night, you will not think. Just stop thinking. you are intelligent and are operating at deep levels of mind.
Go still deeper, in stillness of body and mind, which is beyond all thought bubbles. What I mean is, your "real you" is beyond all thoughts. be in that state, let the mind be like a placid lake(without any wave of thoughts). This is as curative as sleep. we need to "connect to that calmness" which is one of manifestations of God. be in that state for prolonged periods. as long as you CAN. it is these thought waves which create problem. IF you can find that real RESTING PLACE, you will love it. That is refuge of all great ones, including you. remain there, leaving behind all worldly burden to God who sustains every particle in cosmos. You are eternally loved, trust it.
lots of love
In beginning, dont set high targets. just learn to be content, placing more emphasis on relaxation and inward focus. no need to compare with anyone else on external side. inner revealations , in due course time, shall be source of wisdom and strength. but it takes time. so one has to persevere and being introvert is perfectly fine. yes. it is fine, as long as we are walking the journey of self realization. repeat, no need to compare with others. you are perfectly fine.