Hi after my partner of 20 years left 6 weeks ago I got depressed and anxious. My anxiety went untill today when I received penalty parking fines in his name threatening bailiffs.
I've been sending them back , but I'm frighten they will take my stuff. I can't prove that they're mine .
Can anyone advise me my anxiety is back big time.
Hi Sandy.
This is a temporary hurdle and one YOU KNOW you will overcome. Put it back into perspective. This is just an annoyance at best. Your breakup was a far bigger hurdle and this situation here is just fall-out after the storm. You made it through separation and you will make it through this and come out better than you expect.
Your stuff will not be taken but you can't just send the tickets back and expect them to go away. Go there and clarify this.
Were you in any form of legal union? Engaged, married, have kids? That would make it easier to prove your partner is no longer present and they can go after him howeverwhich way they can as this is not your problem. If you were in any form of legal union, immediately file for dissolution on the grounds of his disappearance and then proceed as per the below.
(If no legal union, then just the below):
Do not let yourself be bullied if this is attempted by the officials (some are bullies). Be firm - direct them to wherever you think they may have a better chance of finding him or direct them to any of his family or friends. A simple:"he no longer lives here, this is not his stuff and here is where you can find him/here is a list of family members/friends who may be able to help you locate him" should be sufficient.
If they still threaten to take your stuff see how you can file an objection on the grounds of your partner abandoning the shared home and missing (if he is not reachable).
Let us know how it goes.
Your anxiety over this is understandable considering the recent massive changes in your life, but please do understand that you should not worry about the practicalities. Do the above to regain some sense of control and then proceed however you did in these last 6 weeks to continue to heal. You will pull through. Fact...not just pep-talk!! xx
Thank you so much I need that reassurance. We were not married but have a child together.