Herpes diagnoses.. Stressed and confused

Sexual health
1

Hello all!

So I need some advice please if you can help.

Approx 10 days after oral sex:

I had slight pain when urinating, nothing terrible. When I wiped myself it felt sore and burning around vagina/ on vulva. It was irritable at the top above my clitoris and I itched there but I didn't look there. I can't remember if these incidents where happening at the same time or one after each other. It felt dry down there.

It felt burning near the vaginal opening but I have skin tags/potential warts (another issue that I'm sorting) there anyway which are sometimes irritable.

Then I got my period so assumed maybe the PH balance had been off or if had a mild yeast infection or something.

It continued to be slightly itchy in the above parts but burning etc soon subsided. The itching wore off and my period finished and I decided to shave my vagina whilst in the bath.

This is when I freaked out, because there were sores/red marks where I'd been itching - question is , I don't know if this is from itching or I was itching because there was sores. I took some photos and went to bed. The next morning the red marks were gone - so were these herpes sores that healed or were they from the shaving?!

I've itched a bit since then and now there seems to be one red raw area, which again I don't know if ta herpes.

I've read that herpes can be mild sometimes so now I'm really scared I've had a mild herpes outbreak.

I saw a nurse the day after I first noticed the red marks, but they had gone by then and she dismissed it - said that herpes is always very sore and I'd know and that it's probably irritation from the guys beard?

I saw another nurse at a gum clinic the next day who said she couldn't see anything. I showed her the photo and she could understand that it may look like herpes but still dismissed it, said its most likely from his beard (although the symptoms happened a good few days after?) and that I should just wait until I get an actual outbreak to know if I have it or not.

Tonight I saw a doctor. I've itched a bit this morning but I'm paranoid - checking there all the time. It's become red again in one area. I showed the doctor this but she dismissed it. She was quite rude actually. But she said herpes is always sore, hurts like a cold sore and would be much more obvious. She said there isn't a blood test for herpes and that this was an emergency clinic only and that unless I had a flare up, I didn't actually have it.

But I've read online that herpes can be asymptomatic?!

That it can be mild?!

And that you can have blood tests to find out either way.

Question is - where on earth do I stand with diagnosis now? What do I tell future sexual partners?

I've had symptoms but no diagnosis.

I don't know what to do. I'm so stressed out and this worry is taking over my life yet healthcare professionals seem so unconcerned by any of it. It seems that unless you show up in agony, blisters and all, they dismiss you.

I'm thinking about going to another GUM clinic to see what they suggest.

Any suggestions from yourselves would be greatly appreciated. I'm so stressed. Now I'm thinking my glands feel sore but am I imagining it? I sometime feel tender in my groin but had always had that down to hormonal cycle type things? Ahhhhh!! Thanks I'm advance. Xx

2

Greentea I didn't want to not respond because you sound panicked and I'm in the midst of that panic myself.

I'm in Ireland so things are slightly different here, they don't really do the blood tests... But from what I've read you can get bloods done in USA to check it but they aren't accurate until 3 mths after the first outbreak. So if these sores were your first outbreak the results of blood tests wouldn't be reliable anyway. That is why swabbing the sores is preferable. By the sounds of it none of the medical people who saw your sores thought they were possibly herpes, hence not swabbing?

I have only just found out I have it, and I was really sore, horrendously sore going to the toilet and wiping myself was unbelievably painful. I'm not yet clear on everything as I'm totally overwhelmed with all the information online so can't be of too much help to you I'm afraid. Regard the swollen glass, I got that and there was no confusion of me imagining it, the glass were much more swollen and sore to touch.

3

Sorry I'm typing on my phone, I meant glands not glass!

4

Thanks so much for your reply.

It's such a stressful time for us both! I'm worried about informing past partners too - what do I say, that I MIGHT have herpes? And if I don't pay for a private blood test, am I a bad person? So many moral questions to consider. I don't want to have to wait for another outbreak (if that's what is was).

My groin feels a bit of a niggle pain and achey right now as I type this but I only have a single sore patch. don't know if I'm just a massive hypochondriac. No one can confirm a diagnosis unless I have a other outbreak... But then I might not ever have one again?!

How were you diagnosed? And was it after exposure?

5

I'm England btw so no bloods here either x

6

I was with a guy for just over 3 mths, used condoms almost every time because all I was thinking about was pregnancy ... He went down on me when he had an almost healed cut in his mouth. Two days later I started having symptoms and by 5 days later I was in bits so went to the family planning clinic who diagnosed it. He then dumped me after passing it to me, haven't heard a thing from him.

I think the symptoms usually come on sooner than 10 days though... And also your symptoms (itching etc) started to wear off pretty quickly? Mine didn't ease off at all until 5 full days of medication. I also think there's usually blisters or bumps/spots... You don't have that?

7

What you've read is correct, and what you've been told is wrong. Not only wrong, but scary considering the source! Medical/health professionals ought to know better, but alas, many are still behind the times when it comes to herpes or are just plain confused.

You can do the IgG antibody test for herpes at 3 months post-exposure to confirm your status. If no GUM clinic will do it, can you get it done privately? Otherwise there are online testing companies. Just make sure the test is IgG, not IgM. Meanwhile, should you have symptoms that resemble sores, insist on a swab. A PCR swab is superior, but a vaginal culture swab is better than nothing.

8

I'm finally getting a blood test done tomorrow. It's been since mid january. I've literally had every single other symptom out there besides an actual OB. I pray I finally get some answers.

And yes medical professionals seem completely unworried until it's a terrible painful all out OB.

I'm in the middle of panicking myself

9

I went to another GUM clinic in my area today which were much more friendly but seemed to lack knowledge also.

I had two nurses examine me, they could see the lesion and swabbed it but explained how because it wasn't necesarily a fresh sore (if it even is a sore) that the swab may come back negative - but that doesn't mean im negative for herpes. 

They told me that herpes is only spread when sores are present! ha!

They also only bothered to ask when i last had sex, not oral sex.

I explained I had burning when peeing etc - they wrote it down but didn't seem to link it or be bothered.

It seems that NOONE in the real world really cares about herpes, or potential herpes cases. 

So now, because I KNOW the information - I have to forever disclose my 'potential' status to all furture parteners? 

But those said future partners don't have to disclose to me, even thiough they could be asymptomatic, they don't have to say anything?

I don't see how this is fair.

Also, my best friend has coldsores - should she be telling all her partners?

It seems that the more you know - the more you're disadvantaged.

I've no idea how to obtain that type of blood test in the uk. Websites require you to go to a private centre and there isn't one near me - It makes me question why should I go to the effort of being blood tested when 3 health care professionals have dismissed it and the other 2 didn't seem bothered either? If herpes was something to worry about - wouldn't we all be being tested for it with routine tests?

APLOGIES for the rant. I've had a rough week. Im stuck between caring and not caring. 

My anxiety is in OVERDRIVE

10

Are you in the UK? where are you having the blood test done?

Thanks for your reply, im panicing too

11

Are the sores totally dried up now? If there was a missed opportunity to swab while the sores were more open that's pretty frustrating I do think though that if they were herpatic sores the healthcare professionals would have had a decent idea by looking at them.

Is this the first time you've had what could possibly be an outbreak? What about the person you think may have passed it to you, have you spoken to them about it at all?

If it's a case of you only being passed it the 10 days ago or whatever then the blood test is irrelevant at the moment, I don't think there'd be enough anti bodies built up and therefore it could give a false negative. It may be a case of you having to wait the three months then get the bloods done - if I were you I would pay whatever money was required to get them done for your own peace of mind.

I got my results yesterday and I've got type 2 genital, to say my world has fallen apart is an understatement. I get the panic you're feeling but at least I got to the lesion in time to get it swabbed and put me out of my misery... Although to be honest right now I wish I was living in ignorance thinking I just had thrush instead of realising that I may never sleep with someone again or get to have kids now because of it

12

I live in the states. They seem dismissive here as well

13

I just googled and came across a website- am I allowed give website names here? It's called lets get checked and they do a home test for 12 sti's that include herpes but it's like €200 , you could call them and ask about it?

14

There was only one sore present and it was sort of like a red open sore - like a graze or a burn i guess? This morning it looked a bit weepy/white but i had a shower and it went back to red. It's very small and not painful.

I thought the healthcare professionals would know too - but after their lack of knowledge on asymptomatic shedding, transmission and teh fact that herpes can lay dormant and be mild, i don't know who to trust.

I think this is the first outbreak? ive had uti's before, ive had itchiness and general soreness before but never thought it was herpes as i didnt really know about herpes and it probably wasnt, or was it, who knows.

I spoke to the guy, he has never had a coldsore and never had any sti symptoms that he can think of.

On that night he gave me oral sex, we kissed, i touched his penis, touched myself and we were around each other naked - at one point genitals touched and i was like 'whoa be careful'. no actual sex.

hmm. so i could potentiallt just try and forget about it for a few months and then have a private blood test. Question is, i don't know whether i should be informing my ex's? it's hard to call someone up to say you MIGHT have something. also, even if i did have it, how would they get tested? they couldnt as the nhs 'doesnt advise herpes test until there are signs and symptoms'. so really im better off leaving them in ignorant bliss? i wish i was living in ignorance.

Im sorry to hear that you are also struggling and that you have your diagnosis - at least you can move forward now that you know. 

You WILL sleep with someone again - have you seen ella dawsons blog? google it.

I'm here to chat if you need to - have you told anyone in real life??

x

15

And they say not to stress because that is the worst thing to do! Ha! How can you not?

16

Jesus I just don't know enough about it to advise on the sores you know, from what I've read they can differ so much, some are quite angry red sores and some less so. It's beyond ridiculous though that you've been to a few places and still can't get a proper diagnosis. When will the results from this swab come in?

I think that unless you get more sores that could be swabbed right away while they are more open then all you can do is wait for the 3 months and get bloods done. In that time just don't get down to business with anyone to be safe. I know people can be asymptomatic but if he has never had a cold sore and no signs of sti then maybe chances are minimal that he has passed anything to you. There's still the issue of you possibly having it already and it just not breaking out till now.

I wouldn't go contacting ex's unless you know you have it, this may all be absolutely nothing and you'd all be freaking out over it, best to wait it out and minimise the panic.

Yeah I've told some close friends. My story gets better in that after the guy walked out on me I contacted him yesterday to tell him it was type 2 and we met up and he's got it pretty bad genitally too, never bothered to text and tell me though. Calm as a cucumber about it though and totally accepting which makes me think did he know and say nothing to me. Bearing in mind we were in an exclusive relationship for the last 3 months I would just have preferred honesty even at this stage because how can you build any relationship without honesty. Even the lady in the clinic said his reaction is absolutely not normal for someone who has just found this out. Anyway my story is by the by, just wish there was some way for you to find out for sure sooner as I know that constant waiting... I was convincing myself it was all a mis diagnosis and everything, it messes with your head big time.

17

I know! it's a catch bloody 22!

18

Thanks so much for your advice!

I think you're right about the ex's.. i got out of a long term relationship anout 6 months ago and last time I spoke to him we parted on slightly bad terms, so it's probably best that I leave it for now. I think the swab results will take around a week to come back.  

I just feel bad because me and my ex didn't use condoms (bc only), so if this is a recurrence and not a primary breakout, then he coujld have it and be potentially spreading it further... but then I guess that's not my issue and i dont have a clear diagnosis, so i cant go contacting him for a 'maybe' sti.

hmm yeah that does suggest that he may have known previously, although boys are on the whole (in my experience) more laid back about these things. so you're saying he knew you'd contracted it and had symptoms but stil didn't confess to having symptoms too? that's not cool, he should have told you!

Thanks for your advice i really reallly appreciate it, you've been very helpful and kind.

19

You make many valid points! But for now, it's hard to say whether you have herpes or not. Possibly not. In any case, since you're still uncertain, it's not necessary to notify ex partners at this point. If you do have it, it's more likely to be from your current partner anyway.

The nurses are wrong about transmission without symptoms, but regarding swabbing an older lesion, they were just explaining that it might not be reliable, which is correct. A pcr swab would still be reliable, but a viral culture swab (what you likely had done) is only good with new lesions. Reliability drops off considerably with time.

20

That really sucks if he knew or suspected he had it, but didn't tell you or take the meds to reduce transmission. Perhaps he thought condoms are enough, but they're not. If it's any consolation, I also have Type 2. Were you positive for it by swab?