Herpes my life is over

Sexual health
1

Hiya

I got diagnosed in December and every month since then I have had an outbreak, I have felt so depressed and even thought of killing my self as I can't live with it. I have a child too so I panic like crazy with her I'm thinking if breaking up with my boyfriend and letting him have custody as I feel gross and don't want her around me. I need someone who is going though it I don't have anyone to talk to All I can think about is when I didn't have it or when I didn't know I need help otherwise I feel I'm going to do somethink I might regret

my boyfriend doesn't even know cuz i cheated on him so I'm worried it could of been me I cry nearly every day, ready to give up

I can't bare reading up on it as it makes me feel sick....... I have letting self go, I never go out with friends any more I hate spending time with the family and I just want to be on my own away from my daughter too! I hate this and would rather be dead then deal with this every day!

2

You are a mother. 

You need to be taking care of your child. Your child is your first priority in life. 

I understand how you feel, this can be hard to come in terms with but you can't give up and just abandon your daughter. 

You cheated on your boyfriend? This very well could have come from you. You need to talk to your mate and come clean about everything. Has he been tested too? If not, then tell him to. 

As for the outbreaks, go to the doctors and get medication so they can occur less. 

3

Have you changed your diet? That's really hard and important. I had to give up coffee, beer, lentils, cholate , etc... They also say fish is good so I started taking fish oil pills daily, lysine pills, vitamin E and b12 for energy.

the stress increase outbreaks so you have to control they first.  There are so many people suffering from this and worse, please don't feel alone.

4

Thank you of the tip of giving a few things up as I felt I've eaten a lot more chocolate recently and I have outbreaks loads.

are there groups as I want to talk face to face with someone with this x

5

I'm not sure. It's hard just to find good information on what to eat and not eat. Only good forum I found and I joined but I live in the USA. I was diagnosed only 1 month ago

other things to avoid according to doctors...

Sugar, especially high fructose corn syrup

White flour and white rice

Coffee, including decaf

Fried foods

Processed meats

Peanuts and peanut butter

Alcohol

Chocolate

Soft Drinks

6

Hello Amy,

                I'm Mandy I caught GH about 4/5 years ago, about 6 years into my current 11 year relationship, I was no angel and had cheated on my bf about 3 years prior to GH for revenge, nobody is perfect and we all learn from our mistakes, sometimes bad things happen for good reasons, so don't beat yourself up about it.

I was kinda naive with my first couple of outbreaks and thought it was my psoriasis turning nasty or something, then when I realised it could be genital herpes I was shocked as I had been faithful for at least 3 years prior, I was so scared, confused, disgusted with myself at first, I went reclusive I wouldn't go out of my house for a couple of years I didn't even get diagnosed until late last year and I had many outbreaks, one would start going as another popped up it was hell.

I thought my bf had cheated on me again and given me this, I was scared to tell him that I thought I had GH as I thought he would accuse me of cheating on him, plus we have a son together and I was scared too like you to look after him, I was at my lowest point in life.

I found the courage to tell my bf what I thought I had and he was cool about it, which kinda aroused my suspicions about him cheating even more, he has never had any symptoms of GH even to this day, I found out I was pregnant again last year and plucked up the courage to go to the G.U.M he came with me, and sure as sh*t I was diagnosed with HSV-2, my world fell apart all over again and I went through all the horrible feelings of disgust and shame again.

Moving forward, and thinking about it logically after a lot of research, I figured that, we both used to get cold sores on our face which is usually HSV-1 (the type that likes our faces and occurs frequently there once caught there) but we don't get them for years at a time, it's possible to get HSV-2 (the type that likes the gentital area and occurs frequently there once caught there) on our faces and pass it on during oral sex, so this is possibly the case.

The doctors say most men who have HSV have no symptoms (asymptomatic) and women are more susceptible to pretty much anything lol (we are kinda unlucky considering all the sh*t we already have to go through), the doctors assume my bf either already had HSV and passed it on as a carrier or it was residing in my body for years before it surfaced, both highly possible explanations, but either way it didn't mean either one of us cheated and caught it, its just so easy to get really.

So don't assume the worse that you did get it from cheating, there is other possible explanations, and I've read alot of stories where the women have had GH and never passed it to their husbands and most importantly to their children.

I too was feeling how you felt but now I'm like, damn its like a period its annoying, it happens once in a while and you can't have sex while its there, and you can function perfectly normal while its going on, your child will not be affected so long as you always wash your hands after/if you ever touch it, and as a precaution don't let your child use the same bath towel as you, don;t wash the affected area with a sponge or soap, its just basic precautions.

Now to keep the virus under checks, avoid certain foods, too much caffine, sugar, chocolate, breads (wheat in particular, flours), junk foods in general are not good, you might want to research foods that are low in arginine and high in lysine as well.

If you feel the tell tale signs of pains in your thigh, leg, or near your vj, or the usual burning and itching sensation thats associated with an OB (outbreak) theres lots of remedies out there that can help, I used tea tree oil on the OB area (can't use that atm because I'm pregnant) you need to find a good tea tree oil that accually burns the area when applied it takes the sting away afterwards if you apply many times a day, if the sores do appear, try to break the blister with a cotton wool ear bud doused in tea tree oil and get the oil in the sore, hold it there for at least a minute a couple of times a day, keep the area clean and dry it off with a hair dryer on a low setting. This helps me, but a very good website that has helped me immensely is http://www.myhomeremedies.com/, scroll to the bottom of the page and find genital herpes in the drop box, a great number of people have added their experiences and stories along with remedies they have used to help ease the pain, it does help to read the stories of people who have had this years and believe me there are more people out there with this than you think.

Having GH has learned me not to be judgemental of people no matter what their situation and accually given me a better sense of humour in life, I feel lucky that this is the only thing I have, it could always have been worse like HIV, I still have a sex life, I'm having another child soon and many people still do have lots more children with GH, its really nothing more than a skin condition, I'm still thankful of my life like it could always be worse, you learn to live with it and get over it. Once you learn to manage the OB's your fine. But you do need to be honest with your partner, the truth hurts sometimes but if you try to hide it, it comes back and bites you in the ar*e, there are plently of non-judgemental people out there who are willing to accept you as you are. Read the website I quoted and you will feel better. 

P.s the unless your partner has an OB and goes GUM with it he wont know he has it because the NHS does not offer blood tests for HSV, thats the case with me and my partner, I will probably never know he has it unless he has on OB and goes GUM.

I really hope this helps you Amy, please don't give up on life and your precious child, your her mummy and she loves and needs you no matter what, so be strong keep your chin up I promise you will get over this and life will fine for you both...

Best wishes

Mandy smile

7

Hi Amy, I was diagnosed six months ago and I have had at least seen outbreaks since. I know it's hard trust me I hate it but you need to try and remember it's only a skin disorder. We are not going to die. I cut out coffee, chocolate and nuts and I'm also taking lysine tablets, vitamin du3. Maybe you should look up hva there website is great and they have a phone number so you can ring up and talk to someone. In know it's horrible but I'm hoping things get better xx

8

Hi Mandy 

I can't thank you enough for this post, you have answered so many questions! You have made my day.......... This reply was just what I needed. How have you coped with being pregnant as u would like another. My partner doesn't know and I'm too worried to tell, I have been getting the pains in my thigh and legs today and have been taking tablets. Since December when I had my first OB all I have eaten is chocolate sweets nuts ect the food that you shouldn't really have! This is why I've had so many OB. I still haven't been told I have herpes as I never called back for my results as I'm too nervous! The doc had a look at my Vj on my first OB and said she would say it's that.

i am seriously thankful to you! I just want to know someone going through this! It's so hard doing it alone. 

Really BIG THANK YOU XXX

9

Hello Amy,

                 Your welcome, glad to help, I know how difficult it can be going through this alone but you'll realise your not alone at all. Most statistics say 1 out of 6 people have GH, out of those 8 in 10 people don't know they have it, some statistics say different for different countries, chances are you know a few people who have it, but the subject is rarely approached socially, doctors nurse alsorts of people from all walks of life contract HSV/GH its just so common.

I would say get the results, its sh*tty but then you know for sure its what you have, it could always be something different like other skin conditions. Go to the GUM and talk to the doctors there, the doctor at GUM that told me I had it actually said 'welcome to the majority as 60% of the population are infected with a form of HSV' she kinda said in not so many words she was affected by it too, she was very friendly and made me feel at ease, even though I felt like crap, like I said I went through all the feelings of shame and disgust again but it does get better, its like knowing the truth sets you free.

About the current pregnancy, when you declare you are pregnant the midwives start a booklet (as for anybody) and they go through a series of questions, one includes do you have GH, I was very embarrassed to say yes but they made no big deal about it. When you go for scans you go to see a consultant who talks to you about the GH, I was asked to record how many OB's I had through the pregnancy (which is 5 up to date, with 2 months left till I give birth) and told to go back to GUM at around 28 weeks pregnant at which point I went back and was told I would start a course of aciclovir (antiviral/suppression therapy for HSV), at 36weeks to prevent an OB near the birth, but because Ive had so many OB's during the pregnancy I was put on the tablets there and then, 3x a day at 8 hour intervals, I was reluctant to do so for the babies sake but I read alot online about pregnant women going through the same and their babies were fine and they had normal vj births, if an OB occurs at the time of birth they do a c-section because a babies immune system is very weak catching HSV at birth can be detrimental to the baby, but if you had HSV before you were pregnant and had frequent OB like me the chances are very slim to pass it on to your baby as you will pass antibodies on to your baby during their little stay in your belly. Its really no big deal the doctors/nurses/midwives deal with this kinda thing alot. The only thing I found difficult having an OB during pregnancy is avoiding tea tree oil, and the other things I had experimented with (black seed oil, and bee propolis, because these things can affect an unborn child) I had to suffer the pain, the blisters and the healing process where as with the tee tree oil I was usually scabbed and healing within a few days.

While you have the tell tale signs of GH the tingling and pain you are shedding the virus and able to pass it on to your partner, I know it would be difficult to tell him about this but there is a chance you could pass it on and I think he would rather you told him than him find out with an OB, like I said the doctors assumed my partner had HSV but was asymptomatic and I was unfortunate enough to catch it from him and be symptomatic, even after we had been together 6 years by this point, they even said it could have just been I caught it years ago and its just surfaced for no reason, HSV can be like that, people are not always sure how they got it. I feel so much better knowing my partner knows, I find it difficult to talk to him about it sometimes but we have a laugh and a joke about it too, life just throws crap at us sometimes and its how we deal with it that makes the difference. 

I just hope you know your lifes very far from over and you can still be an amazing mother and partner, love is the strongest emotion and it can get over anything.

Mandy smile

10

How are u now ?

I am same like you. The pain and constant ob has made everyday so challenging for me.

But whenever I have suicidal thoughts, I think about my family, my children. My responsibility for them. And how their life would be impacted if I not there? It is not fair to them if I just disappear.

Did your pain / panic get any better after 3 years ?