Hello Larry,
Thank you so much for getting back to me. I am very relieved to hear from you. How lovely to hear UR concern for my health and my son. Thank u for UR concern it means a lot to me. Posting to you is what keeps me going. To help u stay sober for one day is a gift that I will happily take. It's one day one hour at a time....I have been honest with u when I asked u to PLZ let us know how u r. I have seen the worst of the angry .. Belligerent...and blackout behaviors of alcohol, more than my heart could ever take. I am very concerned about you. U r a very bright, kind,articulate,talented man. I can tell by the way u write UR posts and I know u can live a better life. What do u do??
I know u will are a fighter. It's too much sometimes ... Those are the times that the bigger thing to do is to ask for help. Go for professional help they will help u understand why u r drinking and how the vicious cycle of addiction can be broken.
I love my son who is 39, & been drinking since a teen. My son has 4 brothers who have not unlocked the key to understanding addiction and the disease of alcoholism. They beleive it is a weakness not a disease. I have helped put my son many, many times thru alcohol treatment .
He knows how to manipulate the system and gets kicked out or he walks out. If the judge gives him a choice between 18 months in jail or a treatment center, he takes jail. Because he knows he will be out with good behavior in 6 months rather than a year of treatment.
He is the kindest most gentle young Man U would ever meet. Before the madness took over. He had a quick wit and a natural at making people laugh. He is bright & he is a wiz on computers,picks up anything quickly. He loves construction and ran his own business. He was a functional drinker and was very successful.
During that time his drinking became so out of control about late twenties...began to have DUI's , lost his drivers liscence...he lost his business after a long bout of binge drinking & no eating, 8 years ago he almost died. For weeks we did not know where he was. Now after so many years of alcoholism he has bi-polar disorder/ paranoid, PTSD and character disorders caused by alcohol that shrinks the brain and brain cells die and the only patterns alcohol has left him mentally impaired.
All the cops see is the alcoholic. They are cruel and mistreat him they don't see the mental illness. He is treated worse than a dog. At least a stray gets a warm meal,medical attention and shelter. An alcoholic is not even given a simple meal.
I am 65, and the whole family has no more interest in him. They DO NOT understand the mind of a alcoholic, or how the brain & the feel good pathways are now trained to crave that feeling over and over. Until it takes more and more drinks to self medicate to keep the addiction transmitters quiet. The alcohol has left him powerless until he passes out. He will crawl under homes to sleep it off to keep from being found and beat by the police.
Both his hands are crushed from being slammed thru a plate glass store window. It took 2 days before the police got him to the dr. The tendons and ligaments were cut and torn. He works with his Hands and alcohol robbed him of his profession. His back was broken after a police car hit him while he was running from the police. Anxiety and PTSD ( developed from alcohol) he panicked and ran. He has been thru so many awfully incredibly unbelievable encounters with police and drunken fights, poisoned , and left for dead. And he still drinks!
He was a handsome beautiful spirit full of life and love and a passion for his work. That has all been stolen from him by alcohol. He is not that man any more, he is still my beloved son. He now is a total stranger living like an animal. I don't even recognize him. Sometimes he lives on the streets or sometimes he will manipulate someone with a sad story. Especially young women, who take him in thinking they can help him if they love him enough and give him a home he will change. These young women ( are enablers who are functional drinkers themselves, from nurses to lawyers), end up fighting for their lives just trying to find a way to evict him from their homes.
After many years of this lifestyle he has a lot of practice at what works and gets him into their unsuspecting lives and thru the door. Most are young divorced women he becomes envolved with...many with young children, who get in the middle of the ugly drunken abuse between the drunken adults.
Usually these women do not understand the alcoholic or the con artist..... Have battled alcoholism themselves. They use him to fix their homes & cars & he uses them for shelter, food and sex...the rest of the time he is usually in jail. It's a half and half yearly life ...1/2 in jail 1/2 in abusive situations he creates. He hides from those who want to help him and hurts those who love him the most. All for a drink to feed the addiction that drives the mind and everyone around him thru hell.
He is now in the 3rd stage of kidney disease and fatty liver... I cry myself to sleep every night. I feel his pain and tortured soul, spirit and body. My heart breakes for his pain that cannot set him free. He has been thru unconsinable, unimaginable things. Alcohol has taken his values, his business, lifestyle and his self respect, and I know someday before his time,it will take his life.
I am not a trained counselor as Paul Turner. He has many programs that can help you. He is a professional and has helped so many find sobriety. Won't you give him a call?????
I hope u can talk to UR doc and ask for meds that will help block the brains demands for alcohol. U r undeniably at the beckon call of addiction. That addiction has the power to kill you. I don't want to see another life lost. It breaks my heart knowing the struggles you have faced through UR journey with alcohol. No one ever wants to feel that kind of pain ...EVER! PLZ feel free To ck with UR doc about the many medications that can help u thru the tough times and Break those thoughts of cravings. Call Paul or any counselor. Their experience may open the doors u need. They have heard and seen it all. It won't hurt to just talk. Sometimes that talk helps give peace for reconciliation with our selves & the power of those who give their lives and devotion to help those who are caught up in addiction. At the very least maybe a clear and precise vision for a plan to give u the peace from alcohol u deserve could be realized!
As you have said UR clean and sober for a few weeks that's a big deal and as u have demonstrated the devil - the addiction - the brain -the alcohol that powers the Neuro transmitters - that control to the feel good pattern of cravings , which begin to chip away at u, until u give in.
I'm sure u are aware that there are many medications designed to reduce the temptation demands in the brain that drives the Neuro transmitters & are redirected, making it just a little easier to avoid a slip. Many people have found these drugs to be a life savor. UR doc can best direct u. He knows UR history and I would be willing to guess that u have a lot of anxiety.
Larry I would also be willing to bet that it's the anxiety u have which is the motor that drives the addiction. Meds that can help with anxiety are extremely helpful. In today's world with all the pressures and stress everyone has some anxiety. Others may have additional issues with seratonin levels in the brain that drives the anxiety which create anxiety attacks and panic attacks. This is generally a chemical imbalance in the brain. Most alcoholics use alcohol to self medicate. This in turn is feeding the constant cravings for the disease while alcohol has calmed the anxiety which created the beast and the madness all at the same time.
I do care about u maintaining sobriety. I am genuinely concerned .I want to be here for u and I know Paul Turner or a specialist in addiction can help give u UR life back.
All u need to do is ASK....
The day the alcoholic realizes that all adults are imperfect, he becomes aware that they can be forgiven, he finds sobriety and becomes an adult with acceptance of his own imperfections, the day he forgives himself, he becomes wise and becomes his own best friend.
HOPE4CURE 
