Horrible experience all the way around for me so far

Women's health
1

I had a full hysterectomy and bladder prolapse repair on April 12. Yesterday marked the 4 week mark. I felt no relief in the hospital compared to what I thought I should have felt, and I have had several surgeries in my life with little problems. None compare to this one.

When. I came home I went into what felt like pushing my bladder put with the urge like I was having a baby. It was so painful and continued for 2 days. I don't think I could ever forget that torture.

Before surgery, I talked to my mom and tried to explain to her that I was having surgery but would come see her in probably 3 weeks or so once I was fully recovered. Instead, five days after my surgery I got a call from my father telling me my mother had died. It was devestating for me and I was and still am heartbroken. She had dementia but otherwise was fine. She was healthy and energetic but I was told it was a blood clot is what suddenly took her life. The guilt I have from not seeing her before sugery still hurts me. Hearing my mama died was the last thing in the world I expected to happen 5 days after sugery and I felt just helpless while I was in so much pain.

Her funeral was 6 days later, at the 11 day mark, to help me because of surgery, but was still too soon for me. It was a beautiful funeral and everyone was so loving and sweet, but on the drive home I started violently throwing up in my friend's car and continued to throw up for over 4 hours. I felt like dying. I almost called an ambulance because it was so bad but I found some Phenergan to stop the vomiting, thank God! I guess I overdid it but what choice did I have?! I don't even know how I made it through that day. Had it not been for my precious brother, I don't know what I would have done. He's taken care of every detail possible. I will always be grateful to him for that.

Last week I felt like this whole mess was getting worse physically. I was in worse pain. The doctor told me to go straight to the ER. I told her I didn't want to be catherized again because I just can't handle that right now. So she allowed me to get tested for a UTI locally. Of course, it came back that I had a UTI, a really nasty one, but I would think that is sort of common after this type of surgery.

Yesterday marked my 4 week mark and I still feel so bad. If I stand up for 10 minutes or sit in a chair, I hurt and I feel so exhausted. I felt like April was the worst month, between this and unexpectedly losing my precious mom. I almost wish I had not even had this surgery or at least would have waited. I had no idea it was this bad...nor did I expect to lose my mom and feel so helpless with my whole life

I found this forum last night and was so grateful to all of you here. I got to read one discussion and I discovered how some were farther past my surgery date and were still feeling pretty bad or similar to me. That scared me but it also showed me that I'm not being a whimp. I had no idea this would be so rough. I have so many things on my mind that I could just break down and cry right now, but I've done that everyday this week so far. This surgery is really hard and painful to go throuvh and to lose a parent for the first time was unfathomable.

I've been lying here with a heating pad on my belly tonight. Today I hurt after two days of rxtra movement because I have a child who doesn't fully understand because I do everything for her.

I thought I would be jogging at 6 weeks, but I guess that might not happen until 2017 at the rate I am going.

April was a horrible horrible month for me as I mentioned...and May isn't going alone much better. I have things to do like go see coroner to pick up my mom's rings and things. Talk about luck. I'm just so down and so frustrated...and I can't get up to do anything about anything without feeling rotten. I'm sorry to vent so much and to be so gloomy, but I feel like this is a nightmare so far.

I go see my doctor for the 1st followup since surgery, but I seriously don't want to be touched down there right now. I feel also like I just had a baby because of being cut during sugery. I have been nervous, too, that I messed something up after my mother's funeral and threw my bladder back out when I was vomiting so badly. I don't know. After all that's happened the past month, it's easy to not expect the best.

Hugs and blessings to you all!! I'm sorry I am just a basket case who can't do much to help myself right now. But I am comforted that this forum is here. Even reading only one thread, I know my pain isn't abnormal as I was thinking it was.

2

Oh Kat,you poor thing,you have a had a terrible time! Having surgery is bad enough without losing your mother as well!!

Feeling pain and being scared and upset is all part of this operation. I felt really down and miserable and I,too was shocked at how I felt after the op. I thought i would be running around after 3 weeks.but I am 10 weeks now and only started to feel better at 6 weeks.I was always frightened that I would get a prolapse again and when I had to have a swab taken for Thrush at 2 weeks I was crying..I suffered with loads of UTI's in the years before the op and they are very painful.

Dont feel guilty about your mum.She knew you did the best for her and I lost my mum when i was 38 so I know that feeling of helplessness. I was depressed for at least a year. You loved her and she loved you and that is the most important thing. You will miss her dreadfully but time heals gently and give yourself time to grieve. You have done your best. She would want you to take care of yourself now and please get all the help you can so you can heal. I hope this helps a bit. Big Hugs for you x

3

Your not alone kattime, big hugs.xxx

4

Sorry to hear of your loss Kattime,

It's always very difficult to cope with the loss of a parent especially too when it is so sudden.

I can't imagine how you ever managed to get through it all. It sounds too that you have had a particularly bad time over the first few weeks of surgery with UTI, glad you have now got that sorted.

This forum is great and Matron is always on hand to keep us all right. I sincerely hope that everything starts to improve now and you can start to make progress with recovery.

With regards to your Mum, it takes time to get use to someone you love nolonger being there, but you have all your lovely memories which in time will come back to you.

Please rest as much as you can, take care,

Phyl x💔💔💔

5

Hi Kat time,

So sorry to lose your mom is truly heartbreaking. But you have nothing to feel guilty about you loved your mom and she knew that and there is nothing you could have done to save her. But having that happen just after your operation is terrible for you. I am now 11 weeks post op and thought by 3 or 4 weeks I would be just about back to normal but I think we massively underestimate the recovery needed. You will feel normal again but please be gentle on yourself and treat yourself with kindness. Sending you big hugs. Xx

6

Sorry for your loss.  Going through bereavement at the same time as recovering from surgery is tough.  Just rest and look after yourself as much as you can.  You'll get there in the end.

7

So sorry to hear about your loss. Try to rest as much as possible and get as much help as possible. There are lots of supportive ladies on this forum for emotional support. 

8

Oh dear girl - what a hell of a few weeks you've had. Big cyber hugs from afar - New Zealand! You can and will get better - it just takes longer than we all expected. Such a shock with your Mum leaving too. Unfortunate timing. I'm so glad that you had a lovely funeral. Just box on in the knowledge that we are all striving for the light at the end of the tunnel too. Good news is there IS one!! Recovery time varies quite a lot due to some much variation of pelvic floor repairs done on each of us. I didn't rest as didn't know I should have. Avoiding heavy lifting I did know to do. I didn't also have hysterectomy. You've sure been dealt a curve ball & we are all here to listen. Keep boxing on.

9

Oh no Kat, that sounds awful, I am so sorry.  I can't imagine trying to deal with something so devastating while recovering from surgery.  I am so sorry for your loss.  

I'm glad you found these forums and I hope it helps a bit.

10

Oh, you sweet ladies. I feel like I just got hugged by 8 angels!! Thank you so much for your words of gold and for caring. I thought that maybe my slowness was because I didn't exercise before the surgery like I had planned to, but it seems we are all on the same boat.

Do any of you only feel comfortable when you are lying down with your legs propped up with a pillow?? That's the state I'm in right now. Yes, it's way rougher than I even imagined.

Thank you for the warm words about my mom. You ladies are so sweet. Losing my mom was just a big shock because it was the last thing I expected to happen. I was so hurt but also was in so much pain from the surgery that all I could do was lie there and cry. But like you said, no my mom wouldn't want me to worry and to continuously blame myself. I didn't want to make my discussion all about bereavement so I will leave it at that for now. But I will savor your kind words because they really warmed my heart!!

I went to see my doctor yesterday. I don't know if you ladies felt nervous when you went like I did. I didn't want to be touched at all and I was scared. But it actually wasn't as bad as I imagined, thank God! I have never had high blood pressure (knock on wood), but the funny thing is I had myself so worked up before the exam that my blood pressure skyrocketed. That was a first! So I guess that's a little sign of how much we go through with this. Oh, he did say I am healing well inside.

I am sorry you all are enduring this! I am going to make it through this with ALL of you and we all are going to come out better and stronger people. Yes, we have a little mountain to climb but just having you here has made me feel not so batty, like I'm am being a wimp. I honestly thought some of this was in my head or that something was wrong with me.

Blessings and hugs to my new friends. I hope you all are feeling better and healing every moment. Thank you soooooo much for your sharing and for your love. I'm sending each of you so much love, peace, and good health!!

11

Hi Kattime,

So glad to hear you are healing well!

Phyl x💖💖

12

I'm so happy that you have found the strength to pick yourself up a weeny bit. Your ladder is a one way ladder and must only be climbed UP, very slowly and steadily. You aren't a wimp! I think you are stronger than you think. Every day a little bit more healing happens. The road is a bit longer than we all thought but 'girl power' will get us there. Keep on the up and believe you can do it & this annoying glitch is surmountable.

On another note - I have wondered how much colonoscopies contribute to rectal prolapses!

13

It never occurred to me that a colonoscopy could be a cause of my rectal prolapse as I had a colonoscopy the previous year.  However, my rectal prolapse was minor compared with the uterus and bladder so I think heavy lifting, childbirth and ageing are bigger causes.

14

A rectal prolapse is different from a rectocele.  A rectal prolapse is the intestines bulging externally out of your anus.  Not a rectocele which is a tear in the fascia between the rectum and vagina, which allows the intestine to bulge into the vagina.

you can get a rectocele from chronic constipation but generally it is from birth trauma. I dont know the causes of rectal prolapse.  Matron could probably comment on whether a colonoscopy can cause either kind of prolapse.  I have certainly never heard about it being a cause of rectoceles in all my reading on the topic.

15

I wanted to reply about laying down with knees up.  That is a really gentle position for your pelvic floor.  I was always told to lay like that when doing pelvic floor relaxation exercises.  Good idea, laying like that

 

16

Nethier gave I DorryC!

☺

17

It does seem to help me. I started it in the hospital after I tried lying on my side and it didn't feel good. So I ended up on my back and the nurse elevated my head and feet, and i did the same at home. It's the best position I have found though normally I would hate being on my back. I hope it helps you and others.

(I also keep pillow pet on my stomach for my two cats when they come around. They have been a lot of comfort to me.)

18

Sorry meant 'have i'

19

Yes, it is like a ladder and thank God for girl power, huh.

I have been sore today though, and I think it is because of my doctor's visit. It wasn't as bad as I expected, but I think I am feeling it today. But compared to the first week, it could be worse.

I'm just so thankful to have you all to help me understand more of what I am feeling and what we all are feeling. I was starting to question myself. This place is really a godsend!

20

Laying on my side felt quite uncomfortable post-op though it's getting better.  Almost normal now.  I normally just lay on my back with legs straight out but maybe knees up would be more comfy for resting during the day. I will try it today!

Your cat pillow sounds like a great idea.  Very sweet .  I would be sneezing like crazy and messing up my op if I did that but I can see the snuggling and the company really helping.