You may well have bi-polar syndrome. That said, I find it worrying that you were tying to self-harm as you were as the age of 8, let alone an attempt on your own life.
Have you ever had an epileptic fit?
That includes, what is known as absences (you just switch off, but not aware of it); and you would be able to know if there are other people around you who notice whether you "appear" to be in another world, and ignoring what is going around you.
The other thing that crosses my mind, and linked to the above, is whether you go "wandering". This is another form or epilepsy known as Automotism, where you do not really know where you are going nor where you have come from in the last say 5 minuetes.
I can only provide you with details of the experiences I have have had as both a child and an adult with epilepsy and how they appear to relate to some of your symptons. I know that I am not bi-polar, that has been ruled out; and I think to a large degree you may be talking yourself in to a situation. If you were bi-polar, you would not be able to write as raionally as you do, since there would be mood-swings in the way your write. That does not come across as being the case.
Take on board my suggestions, and in partucular the "feelings" diary and meet with your GP as soon as possible; from there get a referral.
Again, think straight, and do not even contemplate taking your life.
Please reply if you need further support.
Chris R.
Were your parents/gauardian aware of this, attempt or did you try to do it a home, or on the way homge from say school?
Are your teachers aware of this?
It is actually very unusual for an 8 year old to make a genuine attempt on their own life; have you been abused by other pupils at your school, or as above other childrend when you have walked home?
How are you with people as a whole?
By that I mean, do find it difficult to mix with a lot of people in one go; e.g. a classsroom/ playground environment?
Do you have a "best friend"; by that I mean someone your own age +/_
two years of you, or same age as you and have you talked the thing over with them, and why you feel unhappy.
Do you find yourself happier playing on your own; indeed reading books on your own?
There are a number of tests for bi-polar syndrome, which your family doctor, will be able to direct you to the best consultant. Indeed is he/she aware that you have made attempts on your own life.
The fact that you are now 14 and still having these tendencies is worrying; as that would equate to 6 years in this state, i.e. half of your life to date. Surely someone has picked up on it by now; more to the point why have you not told other people?
You do not say whether you are a boy or a girl, but in both cases these days the "puberty" element can start anything from the age of 11 onwards. This it not to be crude, nor do I want an aswer; but think about whether you have the traits of entering puberty?
One of the reasons why I raise the point is because many girls, when they are starting their menstrual cycle, can have massive mood-swings, and usually in line with their cycle.
You mention bi-polar syndrome, which is related to ADHD syndrome. In the course of a day, do you feel very sad, tearful even and may be a few hours latter quite sociable. Is there a pattern to this?
Haver you ever kept a record of these situations in a diary; have you told your parents or doctor?
I think you need to be near people, mainly for your own safety. That does not mean that you have to interact with them, but merely in their presence. Also keeping a diary on a day to day basis, in a proper day-to-day basis (A5 Diary) and writing out how you feel, particularly when you feel deeply upset about something, or very happy; and write down the reasons why you felt that way.
If you are attempting self-harm, write down why you wanted to do that.
I think with all this information you can speak to a family doctor, on your own.
Why not wite to the doctor with a copy of your diary relating to your feelings, mood swings and if you are a girl your menstrual cycle timining?
Are you being bullied?
If you are a boy, it may be down to bullying alone and if you are pubescent, then you will have mood swings as a girl does from time to time but not in the same context.
The more information you can give to your GP the better, and he is likely to refer you to a Neurologist or Psycologisy (note there is a difference between a neurologist, psycologist and a psychiatrist !). No one is going to "lock you up" !
Between the three of them they will be able to decide whether it is bi-polar syndrome, or something that you have "talked yourself" in to.
For the record, I am an epilpetic (tonic-clonic; myoclonic) so that includes both the classic convulsive types fit, as well as what appears to be "falling asleep", and then "waking" with a start (jump).
There were two things that linked the siesuires:
1 a) Fear. In my case that meant being placed under pressure at work,
with a threat to my would be employment.
b) Getting lost (by that I mean geographically disorientated)
forgetting how to get back to where I had come from where I have
come from. As an example I can forget where I have parked my
car.
In both situations I panic and it takes me a longtime to co-ordniate my self. Even in a small area, say a room I can forget where I have put something, and quite literally go around in circles.
2. The one thing that the above have in common is stress: people make light of the subject and it has only really come to the forefront in
the last decade.
Stress can do all sorts of things including getting easily frustated, angry, temper tantrums and at the same time wanting to cry
In your case, I think this is where you may have picled up on the "bi-polar" bit; but I wonder whether it is
You need to see a proper GP, followed by a speciaist Neurologist who will be able to get to the bottom of this.