How do I find me?

Mental health
1

I have 4 children (16, 10, 8 and 4) and separated from my husband 18 months ago.  I thought I was coping and feel that I have a better relationship with him now, as we need to for our children.  

I have always worked full time but since the separation have had to reduce my hours.  I am a nurse, and enjoy my job, but in June last year everything became too much in my head.  I wasn't upset because our marriage had ended, so was signed off work sick by GP and started on antidepressants.  I attended occupational health and counsellor through work, and finally returned to work in november.  I was then signed off work in march this year and currently in the process of planning to return further reducing my hours.

I feel like I don't know who I am. I have tried  be the best mum I can be, and my children are my world, but I avoid if possible taking them to places where it will be busy, especially now during the holidays from school.  I can feel my heart racing, stomach in knots, sweating, shaking, make plans with friends and then either cancel them or don't turn up.  I feel like I've let my children down.  I don't do anything for me, I just want to be me, but really don't have a clue who I am.  I want to be happy and enjoy life again.  I always remember telling my mum I wish I was a blade of grass in a field...she really didn't understand and told me to snap out of it! 

Any advise very much appreciated, pls

2

Hi Lauren 

I’m sorry to hear you are having such a bad time.

Give yourself time,  patience and time is my advice. I have been in a similar place to you, my children are now 23, 20, 16 & 12. I worked for the police and when I separated from my ex I also Felton very very similar to this. 

We spend so many years carving out a lifestyle that fits perfectly for our children and husbands that we only function to uphold that lifestyle. 

When something upsets the applecart such as seperation, we find subconsciously that we are just a mere bulldog clip holding everything and everyone together! 

When one party leaves whether that be partner or child flying the nest we begin to wonder where our place is, after all those years we forget who we are, what we like, what we want, we’ve spent so much time away from ourselves as busy parents and wives. 

All that is happening here is you are going through a period of redevelopment.  A time to reassess your life and your path, your goals and your needs.

Anxiety can strike at any time and it consumes us, I too felt like I couldn’t attend outings, anywhere where there were people, I became very reclusive. 

I still suffer anxiety for different things but it does pass. I feel brilliant at the moment with only flickers of anxiety. 

Are you happy with your job as a nurse? Or do you fancy a career change? I still don’t know who I am yet- I lost myself somewhere on the parenting path!  But I crave travel and countryside. 

Hang in there, baby steps, do explain to your trusted friends what you’re going through, their support can’t make all the difference. 

I promise you will get through it and be much happier on the other side  

xxx

3

*can* make all the difference! Apologies for typo’s using iPhone and it autocorrects! 😏

4

Also meant to say I related to the blade of grass comment - I used to think (and still do sometimes) that I wished I was a rabbit, or a tree! I vividly remember thinking I wished I was a tree- with no life worries etc. I must have been about 13 or 14.