hey guys
i hope all is well with you.
sorry for asking this question again but no one answered. i am 27 and recently been getting haunting memories of the stupid things i said and did at school which made me a laughing stock and get beat up many times in front of everyone.
is there a way to overcome these fears and remain feeling strong on myself? it really does cloud my judgement when these memories ruminate?
please help and thanks for advice
Hi,
I started writing the first time you posted and I got logged out…
I’m sorry to hear about your bad experiences in high-school.
Memories are THOUGHTS and thoughts provoke emotions, which in return provoke an (re)action and more thoughts.
Emotions are not just words, they have PHYSICAL manifestations.
When you feel fear, you can notice that your hear starts racing, you may begin to sweat…
Sometimes even the sever reactions can be instantaneous , like getting a migraine or start vomiting.
Bad memories can have exactly the same effect. They can literally make you feel bad, they can influence your health and overall well-being.
Now, the most important part is to realize that you are NOT your thoughts and that you learn to better control them.
Thoughts (memories) come and go and you can decide and practice to which ones you want to focus and which ones you should just let go and with an act of will not ruminate or otherwise feed them.
When you notice that you’ve jumped on that train of thought - remembering, imagining how others had thought of you… bring yourself back to the present moment. You’re an adult, not a vulnerable child anymore.
These mindfulness techniques are based on meditation principles and self-observation. If you can find a meditation class, that would be great. If not just google mindfulness meditation.
It’s important to observe and make some distance between yourself and the thoughts. The less you give them attention and energy, the less they have an influence on you.
One of the keys is to be more compassionate with yourself. Change the way you think/talk to and about yourself. Use positive language. If you start thinking “how stupid you are”, stop and change the discourse.
We all make mistakes, we all sometimes get treated poorly by people around us…
We cannot change the past, we can only accepted and move on.
You will never be able to erase the past, but IT WILL CEASE TO MATTER.
Do more of what you like and prepare strategies for when the “bad moments” come. It could be a distraction like watching a film or an activity like yoga…
If you can afford it, go to therapy. I don’t know anything more about you, but it seems that you could benefit from cognitive-behavioral approach.
Hope this helps 
I’ve found that reliving the situation helps but that would be3 hard in this case. i would revisit the school if you are able. look around and think about it and how it would be different to day. come to terms with what happened.
if you are able to see or meet up with anyone you were beat up by you may find out that we’ve all grown up . those who beat you up are most likely going through the same thing and may be trying to deal with what they did to you. age and experience changes all of us. dont let those stupid things you said haunt you. others probably dont even remember what you said or why they beat you up.
good luck and remember we all have things we wished never happened.