Feeling low these last few weeks and have been wondering whether to post or not. I've really felt like i've been managing my anxiety well this year, at least in the sense of controlling my health anxiety and not showing my general anxiety at work. I should be focusing on that and patting myself on the back at what i've achieved, but today i just don't feel very positive.
After perfomance review feedback the last few years telling me i need to worry less (haha yup, totally started to worry about people noticing moments of me worrying after that one and what actions am i doing that make people think this/what kind of question is ok to ask without it sounding like i'm worrying too much? Hello and welcome to my mind. Frozens 'Let it go' will be playing as we journey onto the what can i worry about next and imagine all the worse case scenarios station!), be more confident (neeeeever going to super confident, it's just not me) and not cry on department because i had to mindful of how it made other people feel...
Sooooo...this year i again made the effort to push my comfort zones, take on challenges and not cried on site until the last few weeks. It's like the year has just worn me out, i'm now presently in a state of 'confused', tired and emotional. I've always worried about people thinking the worst of me, but still care about what they think and doing my best. I've had some great feedback, but still feel like it's never enough or i'm falling behind or someone is going to realise i've bluffed my way through all this time. I've not told work about half the phsyical symptoms i get or what life inside my head is like as i don't want them to think i'm using it as am excuse. But i'm so mentally exhausted at the end of each year...is it worth trying to keep up?
I know if i were giving someone else advise, i'd suggest deep breathing excercises, mindfullness and to identify triggers to work out the main source of my anxiety and look to try and do graded exposure. I try to remind myself that it's just a blip, a tempory fall. Advice is always easier to give, then to take yourself though isn't it 😐
I hit the doors, the knot in my chest reminds me where i am, and all that good advice leaves my brain. It's hard to identify work triggers as i feel like that's so many things.
I don't really know what want from this post, except to have a little vent (if you're still reading, thank you!), share my experience in the hope that at the very least someone else will go "I'm not the only one!" and maybe ask if anyone has been able to still perform high and make a good career whilst managing their disorder, if so what do you do to help this? And how honest are you with your employer? Has anyone found a less stressful career choice ot if your anxiety the same either way?
Thanks for listening x