I would like to apologize in advance for a too long and too detailed and maybe a bit chaotic story. I was dealing with anxiety for about 10 years. When I became an adult I kept pushing myself and almost fully overcame it. Well, if I did it once I should know how to do it again, right? That's the thing - now it defeated me completely. Two years ago I moved to the UK. From that point I was getting more and more depressed and anxious. When I gave birth to my baby I realized I hit the rock bottom. I wasn't happy seeing the baby that was planned after all. Seeing happy mums only made me feel even worse. Every day I would look at my daughter and have panic attacks thinking "what have I done", that she doesn't deserve to have a mom like me. I went for the first check-up after birth, got a prescription for antidepressants, went to the pharmacy and after hearing they cost 10£ I said to myself I'm not worth spending "that much". Yeah, 10£ seemed to be worth more than my health. My depression, anxiety and panic attacks soon made me go INSANE. I would never think it would happen to me. I would hurt myself, bang my head, scream, cry. Day by day.
During the following year, anxiety took complete control over my life. I not only ignore my serious health issues but I also cannot push myself to go anywhere where it comes to my daughter's health - I skip all the appointments and I hate myself for it because I know how serious it is and how awful it makes me look. I can't push myself to visit GP and I have no one to talk to because during these 2 years living in a new place I haven't met a single person, thanks to anxiety. I only have my partner, who is going through some deep stuff as well, so we cannot support each other. I'm trapped in my own fears. Can't find a job, can't take care of anything!
So now my questions are: how to push myself from this point? How to stop being trapped in my own house? I discussed the effects of antidepressants with some people and they said they either don't have any effects or mess up with your head even more and as a bonus you gain weight. Is that true? Is there any point in taking medication or is it better to look for a long-term therapy? Thank you in advance!
Have you thought about joining a forum for mothers ? There is one where you can share these fears and feelings about your daughters health. It is important for both of you that you seek help .
A counsellor can help talk you through your feelings and help you with these issues that make you feel undervalued.
You are worthwhile but you need professional help to come to terms with all of this.
Take care
No, this is the first forum I join but yeah, it seems to be a good idea. Thanks!
What in your life needs to be changed to help you? Think about everything that is tying you down, besides your daughter. She needs you. Anxiety is caused by many things, but you have to make some changes that will help lift you up and make you feel better about yourself. Medication can help, but it is life changes and changes in our attitude as well our thinking that will help improve the way we feel about ourselves. Change is not always pleasant, but it is the effort that strengthens us. One step at a time. Cause and effect, it is the same in life as in history. What is keeping you back from making changes? Fear of....fill in the blank. The most important thing is for you to get healthy, so you can be healthy for your daughter. It is not about you, but it is. You have to help yourself so you can help your daughter. I believe in family cycles. What in your family brought you to this point? And, how can you break it? What are you denying about your situation? I don't deny you have anxiety, I have for years. However, perhaps your lifestyle is what is breaking you, as well as your thoughts about yourself. You are the best mother for your daughter, that is why she was born to you. Now, you have to change your life to fit the mold. I have felt as though I am going crazy, but a psychologist once said something that has always helped me. He said, "before you admit yourself, admit to yourself." Cognitive therapy par excellence, we can admit ourselves to a hospital, to a group therapy, to a therapist, but unless we admit to ourselves what we are doing, thinking, how we are living, etc., we will never change. Change is inside out. And, there is always a greater power than ourselves.
Hi again I will PM you a link. It is based in the UK but there must be similar online groups where u are.
Hi. Please try not to beat yourself up for what has already happened. You can't change it. You didn't do because you are a bad person. Let go of it and move forward. I would say give the meds a go. Yes you are likely have side effects. Some get them bad and others just mild. Second time round for me my anxiety got worse around the 2 week mark of taking meds. I saw my Dr and he helped me get some sleep and relax with a short dose of diazepam. There is help.out there for you. Meds are not for everyone and there is no cure for panic or anxiety. How about some counselling or looking on the nhs website at the self help.guides. they put it into perspective and give great tips on how to cope with it. I would defini8suggest seeing your Dr and considering the medication. Chat it through with them and see how you feel about it. It won't get better overnight but it will help. Remember you didn't feel this way overnight.....it built up.over time. Good luck and stay in touch
I have private messaged you Cotton cloud with hopefully some helpful suggestions. Please check private message.
Hi I was wondering what dose of diazepam which is a benzodiazepine and addictive you were prescribed and for how long. Are you still taking this drug? Hope u don't mind my asking?
Hi Cotton cloud, I have sent you another private message. Lily x
I was on 2mg. V low dose for 2 weeks. Tapered off very easily. It was a god send for about 4 days then I only had it if I was desperate. Went to half a tablet for a week. Then a quarter.
You did very well. Congrats!!!
Thanks. I was only on a low dose though. I was wary as I knew they are addictive. I think if I didn't have a good Dr and a lot of support I would of found it hard and relied on them a lot more.
Hi again I do not wish to preach but these opiates and benzos are as you know only meant to be prescribed for a few days at a time. They wreck lives trust me.
I am prescribed clobazam for epilepsy and I read yesterday it causes seizures!!!
So I am going to ring my dr tomorrow and tell him that I wish to taper off them. It is going to take forever but I am determined that I am not going to feel like this for the rest of my life.
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I agree with you. I was pleased to be rid of them in just over 2 weeks. You have to do what you are comfortable with and what you feel.is right. You have a good positive mindset that you will beat this and you will. Good luck. Let us know what the Dr says
.Thanks for your encouraging words.
Take care. It will get better!