Husband drinks about $200 /month: To intervene? Am I crazy?

General health and lifestyle
1

Hi,
My husband and I have been married 20 years. He has suffered from depression on and off over that time (not medicated, untreated). Somewhere during that time co-dependency evolved in our marriage. I once went to counseling and was told we were codependent without the addiction. My marriage has been strained for years,

Almost a year ago, I learned my husband has been drinking too. (we were at my neighbors house for Halloween, and he showed up lit) I initially wasn’t that concerned, but my neighbor, a recovering alcoholic, met with me a day later and said watch him, look out for things. So I did.

I found a stash of empty gin bottles in the basement. I searched our finances and found that he’d been spending about 200 (average) a month on alcohol. He had been hiding this for a year already at that time, how much longer had this been going on, I have no idea. I have also started using the where’s my iphone app to see where he is…and have noticed a pattern. If I am home first, he’ll text that he will be late, then will go to a parking lot for a period of time before driving home (I assume he’s drinking or ?), on other days he leaves work early and is home few hours before me and the kids…
He purchases alcohol, he hides it, keeps it in a grapefruit juice bottle in his bag in the house…any way my trust in him sucks.

I didn’t confont him. I said something to him only twice…I mentioned we were spending too much on alcohol (he cut back to 130/month for a month or two) and the other time I said anything was during a fight and he blamed me for his drinking. So its almost been a year. On weekends we fight, Monday through Friday we barely speak.

I want the man I married back, an older sober version will do.
I wrote a brief letter to him, not an intervention letter exactly, just an I love you this is a problem letter.

Is that enough? How to speak to a husband (with a temper) about his drinking?

I don’t know if its every night, its hard to tell sometimes unless I sip his drink…
sometimes I think I am crazy, that there is no problem, so he has a few, but then I don’t want to be around him ( I go to bed really late so that I know he is asleep).

Am I crazy?

2

I was like him and got caught spending too much money, lying, drinking and ruining my marriage. Stopped completely 6 1/2 years since my wife was ready to throw me out of the house! I was also looking after our 1 year old twins! Ruining my health as well. Target was to live a long and sober and healthy life and i made it! He has to stop since your situation looks very very bad.

3

Did your wife confront you? How did she approach it...or was she confronting you every time she noticed your non sober state...

4

Also, I never sent that letter.

5

Definitely not crazy. You deserve the man you married back. Marriage is like a contract and he's breaching the terms by becoming a different person. I would recommend coming up with a way to tell him about The Sinclair Method. Maybe buy a copy of the DVD "One Little Pill" and ask him to watch it?

6

Hi, you have a right to be concerned , as you love him , have a chat with him , let him know he is loved and he does not need alcohol . be kind an honest , let him see the impact to you and your future together.