My husband and I have been together for 18 years and have two children, 15 and 10. I knew early on that he had a bad childhood, and had witnessed some interactions with his mom as an adult to back that up. Throughout our marriage he would have mood swings that lasted a day or two then things would be fine for awhile after. He was never abusive to me, and I just knew to give him space during those times.
This past November he said he didn't want to be married anymore. I was blindsided! I thought we were in such a good place, everything was coming together for us and our little family. Our bond felt closer than ever and I felt like newlyweds again. I was devastated.
About two months ago he revealed to me more details about his childhood, and they are horrendous! He experienced every type of abuse imaginable starting at a young age. He was physically abused and neglected by his mom and placed in foster care where more/new abuse happened. The foster mother was good to him, but I think she contributed to some of the emotional abuse by not letting him cry or be upset as she thought it showed weakness. She also wasn't aware of the abuse he was receiving from other kids/people in the home. I was heartbroken for the little boy he was, having to endure that with no one to step in for him.
This month he has begun seeing a counselor and psychiatrist. He wasn't honest with them about his past at first. He was okay with letting them think he was bipolar or schizophrenic. For him it was easier than admitting to the abuse. Although they diagnosed him with PTSD, that isn't their primary focus as he still isn't completely forthcoming about his past. As someone who has been by his side for nearly two decades, I know that is the root of the problem.
He moved out of our home two months ago. He is pushing me away but tells me he still loves me. We've talked about divorce but can't seem to commit to it. Its back and forth all the time. I feel like he's telling me there isn't any hope for us. I read everything I can find about abuse survivors and PTSD, but when I give him the resources he doesn't read them or take it seriously.
I would never force him to talk about the abuse, and I know in therapy they don't always ask people to do that anyway. I just want him to think about it and realize there is hope. He's so negative. He counts himself out immediately. Sometimes he blocks my number and I won't hear from him for a couple days. He still contacts his kids, but I feel so left out. He says he doesn't really want a divorce but he feels like he can't ask me to wait either. I love him so much and I want to care for him through this time. He won't let me. He says he doesnt want me dealing with his issues. I'm his biggest and only support! He has no one else. Even though he is getting help and is on meds, he tells me he's afraid if he comes home this is just going to keep happening. I don't know what to do anymore. Is divorce our only option?