I do this and hate it. I tend to almost taunt myself with it and the feeling is overwhelmingly scary. Scared to exist and just want to hug my husband. its hard to explain to anyone else and really reassuring to hear 'it' been mentioned. Ive experienced this on and off mist of my life. I find the Dr Weekes method of : Accepting how i feel, Floating through it and letting tid pass. Mostly i dont think/feel like it but with all the covid business Im really nervy atm.
Hey! I've experienced this my whole life, though it didn't use to make me panic. I remember as a child I would be brushing my teeth at night or something, looking at myself in the mirror and would have that sudden realization of, "wow, that's me! I'm a whole person....neat!" lol. And then I would just go about my day and not really think about it again for awhile. The first time I remember the thought bothering me, I was around 19. It wasn't all encompassing or anything, but I found that it came to my mind more often, and it made me uncomfortable. So I pulled up google and typed in "sometimes it feels weird to be alive" and the first link it pulled up was about a condition called Depersonalization! And it fully described what I was feeling. Did some more digging and found it is either a stand alone condition, or a symptom of anxiety. I had recently started taking diet pills around the time I started noticing it, so I decided to research those too to see if maybe there was some sort of link. And low and behold, it had a warning about not taking it if you had anxiety, as it contained large amounts of caffeine ( large amounts of caffeine and anxiety don't mix well). So, I stopped taking the pills, cut back on other sources of caffeine, and it went away. I managed my anxiety, and I got rid of the feeling of depersonalization. A few years later, during a super stressful time in my life, I had my first full blown panic attack and that familiar feeling hit me like a ton of bricks. And it did not leave me for MONTHS. I continued to have awful panic attacks almost daily, so I finally gave in and decided to get on medication. Slowly my anxiety subsided, and so did that crappy feeling. I still deal with it from time to time when my stress levels are up, and sometimes even for no obvious reason at all. Currently going through a period of it now, but its getting easier to deal with. Sorry for the long post, but if I had never found a name for this feeling, I'm almost certain I'd still be a ball of anxiety and panic attacks. Anxiety->triggers depersonalization->which made me panic->which made the depersonalization worse... and on and on. It was an ugly loop! And its a loop I don't want anyone else getting stuck in! Do your research to see if depersonalization matches what you're feeling, find a therapist that is familiar with it, and go from there! If anyone wants to hear what I do to help, please feel free to ask! Obviously I have no problem rambling on forever lol.
I've had these experiences for about 40 years. At first, it triggered anxiety, but over time I learned to enjoy it. For me, its like being instantly put into a deep awareness state (something I have worked very hard to achieve with several days of meditation). Honestly, this is a gift and can be enjoyed, not feared. The more you "let" it happen & observe the experience, the more the fear dissipates. It's very much worth using this experience to your advantage. You are experiencing who you truly are (your being) and we live so disconnected from our true essence that these moments of clarity can seem strange and scary. They don't need to be.
your words about your mind being detached from your body resonates heavily with me. im so glad im not the only one who gets this feeling
I literally feel the same way. I would love to talk to a doctor about it but I feel like they just want to give us medicine without fixing the real problem. Mental health is worsening for everyone. Are these effects from our environment? We werent designed to live the lifestyles we are forced to live to get necessities or be acceptable in our society. I am to alive for myself right now, too.
for me the hyper awareness is too much
Hi mech,
I' m glad i found your post because I literally relate with everything you said. I literally found your post because I googled "why am I so hyperaware about my existence". I'm so tired of feeling this way. I've been struggling with this for so long. I'm yet to visit a psychologist but I think I will soon. If I find any solution I will let you know.
I hope things get better for the both of us.
i am now 22 and have been struggling with this since i was 19. I had a sudden intense fear of my existence after smoking cannabis. every day since then i have had obsessive and intrusive thoughts about being alive and death and knowing that death is getting closer and closer. it rarely ever goes away unless im completely relaxed but i find it so hard to. it makes concentrating on things i need to really difficult. it feels like a total loss of control and makes me feel very small and powerless. sometimes ill experience physical symptoms which i suppose is very much like panic attacks. like i struggle to breathe reguraly and i get very shakey. its made me feel so alone because i feel nobody that i have tried explaning it to actually understands this and i can feel almost envious of people who just seem to not have these thoughts and feelings, they just seem comfortable with it...i get very aware of the fact that i am seeing things and that i am just here... weird. its great to know im not the only one, i just hope one day it will get better...
does anyone have any coping mechanisms to share? I'm currently going through a bad episode of this for the second time in my life.
hey girl, have you tried medication? I know it seems daunting to take them but it works!
Hi. I believe that i most recently have felt like this, but right now it seems like its been this way for a long time. I am so aware that i am existing right now and its so strange. everyday feels the exact same and i feel like im going insane. im not even sure if this even makes sense because this feeling is so hard to explain. But i think i understand what you're saying and i am glad someone else is dealing with this because i am so confused. I do sound really crazy, but its just like all of a sudden i've like woken up and im seeing life for what it really is and i dont know.
Hi there,
whenever i'm at any park that has alot of space i get this feeling of notcing my reality and a feeling as if im losing control
almost like im detatched
what ive found to calm me down is put something ontop of my your head
life a hat or a t shirt i find it always grounds me also a pair of sun glasses also with that will help yourself be more ground
not sure if this will be any help to you but try it anways its always been the one to help me when im in that situation
hi! how are u doing??? i feel too stuck in my body... like im meet and bones and its creeping me out
Finally someone that explains what Im feeling very well!! The last 2 years this feeling happened more often , and just a few weeks ago it ended in my first panick attack ever. This time it felt like I was going to far in this thought process and my own brain couldnt comprehend it anymore, normally this feeling only lasted for a few minutes, but now i couldnt stop the thought process about my own existence. Its like your hyper aware of the now, that there's nor a future nor a past. I feel like it became worse since the corona epidemic hit. Nothing feels normal anymore, and when I think about my past I think: was it ever normal? When I got the pannick attack it felt like I was going to crack the code about existing, but my own brain couldnt understand it, it was to much for myself to make sense out of it.
I read here that most of you feel this way when they wake up, but I have it the otherway around. When I get tired the feeling gets more extreme, but when I have slept I feel fresh and I dont feel as weird anymore.
Im happy to know there are more people that feel the way I do, its hard to explain to others + when you try to explain it, it sometimes makes the feeling even worse.
Yes I've got this too been suffering with it on and off for as far back as i can remember. Suffering in silence as when i tried to explain it i was told i was being stupid etc. Tried to find out what it was and why it was happening, over many years. Have suffered extreme panic attacks, struggled with leaving home, health anxiety and OCD especially around other hyper awarenesses, breathing and sleeping. I've recently had a diagnosis of PTSD and gone through therapy with the NHS, which have provided a lot of answers and given me a better insight on what is going on and how to manage my thoughts and feelings.. The way i deal with it is through distraction, trying to accept that these thoughts are coming from anxiety and they will go in time and being compassionate with myself, telling myself everything is going to be ok. The trigger for me is definitely stress which would then lead to these thoughts. I've recently had some physical health issues which are ongoing and with Covid too, I've started to get theses thoughts again, fingers crossed i can manage them better now. Hope this has been helpful. Knowing we are not alone in our struggles helps us feel less isolated.
I know this ALLLLL TO WELL. It started when i had DP/DR for a couple days. Mind you i was freaking out so damn bad. Then came the existential thoughts. Those thoughts were SOOOOOOO BAD and scary (at the time because of my intense anxiety). Those thoughts are gone. Now what i am experiencing is the noticing of my existence. It gives me bouts of anxiety BUT it (anxiety) also make me FEEL as though my reality/life is waaaaaayyyyy different. Mind you im not in DP/DR no more. The whole noticing of my existence came from the DP/DR and it stuck. I think/believe its the thought that is keeping that feeling alive that is keeping me in zaps of anxiety. It is annoying. What i am doing now is exposing myself to the thought or stop dipping in the FEELINGS of it to stop it. I thought it was just me feeling this or thinking this way. Healthy distractions does help. Because it keeps your mind from going there. We all know the brain is plastic and loves the throws of loops and patterns to keep the anxiety alive. I am learning (with practice) to change of overall thought process. WE MUST TAKE OUR POWER BACK FROM OUR MIND and not allow it to run us. We must TRAIN OUR MIND...not the other way around.
Hi there. I must say, everything you are describing is exactly how I feel. I recently went through a major transition in my life (re-location) that has caused me to experience immense stress and fear due to feelings of homesickness. I already had pre-existing anxiety before the move, but after it got a lot worse. The feeling you are describing is a result of depersonalization. It is merely a symptom of anxiety or being in an elevated fight or flight state. I notice the feeling is the most prominent during mornings and when I am alone for the day (i.e when my husband goes to work). It is really a paralysis type feeling as well. You become so aware of your exisitence it makes you become uncomfertable and then feel as though being that observer is almost close to suffering.
One thing, although this feeling makes you feel 'crazy' you are extremely normal. Your body is making you feel that way from a result of a protective mechanism due to you being under high stress. Once your anxiety levels decrease frequently or you are distracted or fully enaged in something whether that be talking to a friend, partner or activicty I notice it actually goes away temporaily.
Depersonalization is just another protective mechanism that comes along in the box with dealing with anxiety. It is there to protect you, not hurt you and it never will truly hurt you. I would like to discuss more with you regarding this. Just reply to this comment just so I know it is still active.
I have a similar feeling but only when i smoke weed. some things i feel are colors, light/shadow, associating colors with emotion, breathing, things in the room in color patterns, everything connecting.
it is scary because its like "im alive" but really knowing it or "waking up" to life finally. I then start, and probably subconsciously was always, contemplating the opposite of it all. Fearing something really bad. Fearing death. You have to be alive to die. kinda feeling like if i realize anything else in life it could all just disappear or the feeling. i notice i breath shallowly when fearing or felling so live.
do you feel better?
no literally same. the sensation is chilling
Hi, I searched the internet and I came across you. i have the exact same thing and i hate it. i'm glad i found you. I am not on any medication for this but I have been to a homeopath. sometimes I think how am I going to live with this and how long will this take and will it go away on its own?