Hi Susanne, honey I wrote this long reply to you and then lost it because of my Internet connection!! Well maybe it was too long.
I just feel for you a lot. And I want to say, yes, the doctors can be pretty useless when it comes to nervous system problems. So I understand your frustration with them, but you know, forgive them, they are only human.
In my long email I recommended the progesterone only Pill rather than the mixed Pill, although you have to be careful about birth control (vasectomies are really good options).
Ooof! I am tired. Oh yeah, I remember. I want to tell you that adrenaline (stress hormone) suppresses other hormones (estrogen and progesterone). You have had SO much stress, I can't even imagine it, with two kids, too much work, the passing of your loved ones. Even one of those three would have sent me off the rails! I worked too much last year, and that really affected. All that stress will have suppressed your hormones and made your periods disappear.
You can go on a progesterone only pill, that might help more than the mixed pill, although you have to be careful about birth control.
Your stomach is like your second brain, so stress affects it strongly as well.
So, I recommend you really try to reduce your stress, along with being vigilant with your health checks. The doctors can miss things, but on the whole, you probably don't have cancer, you probably have exacerbated nerves. The doctors can see those, so they don't understand them very well.
Oh I said all this so sweetly in my first reply! And you need sweetness, honey, you are really dealing with a lot. The most stressful time of life, really, small kids, work, deaths of loved ones.
So, about stress, you need to exercise always, chase your kids around the block until you feel that nice feeling that the dopamine brings you. Not too much, mind, and don't make a religion out of it. You have enough to deal with!!
Meditation: I like the free guided meditation internet site fragrant heart. There are meditations for kids on that site too. Yoga: I like the free internet yoga sessions with adrienne. (yoga with adrienne). You can do with your five year old anyway, don't know about the two year old. There is a twenty minute beginner program. Mindfulness, being in the present moment, lots of stuff on the internet about that. All this stuff is non-religious, and won't conflict with your value system.
Mindfulness is really important. You are living in your anxieties right now, your imagination about what might be. You want to do your best (with no judgement here, with the kindest intentions, knowing that unavoidable stress has pushed you into this state, and that you are doing really great in the journey of life) to start living in the present. I myself prefer to bring myself back to mindfulness of the present moment with chocolate! Eat a piece of chocolate, whichever kind you like best, and just savor the hell out of it.
Learn to breathe well, right down in your stomach. I need to look up about pranayama breathing (I think that's what it's called).
If your anxieties can't be managed by these practices, you could take anti-anxiety meds or anti-depression meds. Or you could take some meds for a while, and start trying some yoga, some meditation (favorite time to do meditation is on transit, kill two birds with one stone!). But meds are hard to come off of, and you are definitely entering the perimenopause years, so only if the other practices don't help you.
Oh, of course and DIET! less caffeine,( with the notable exception being the chocolate that you savor!), good foods. Take good care of yourself, watch lots of comedies, always chose a laugh over a worry.
Best of luck to you Susanne. Big hugs, Jennifer