I have been in a downward spiral for a few months now. Ever since my business had to close due to customers going out of business and not paying their invoices. I have struggled to come to terms with it. I have been bottling my feelings up for a long time about this. I was finding it hard to get another job and getting very down about money, especially having bills to pay and a small child to look after. My girlfriend was working but i just didnt feel adequate for her having no job and no income for the time i was looking for a job. I didnt show to anyone i was down, i didnt speak to anyone about my problems either. I thought I should be a man and just get on with it. I have no excuses for what happened recently and i am not blaming how i feel in any way but it has now got worse now i have lost everything due to my stupid behaviour.... I went out with my friends and cheated on my girlfriend by kissing another woman. I felt wanted by this person paying me attention all night and complimenting me. Something i havent had or felt for a long time as being in a long term relationship it fades away. Especially with a young child. Anyway the girlfriend find out and i apologised for my reckless stupid behaviour. But i went to meet the girl again a few days after and slept with her, promised her the world etc stupidly. i regretted it immediately and wish i never did it. but i cannot excuse my behaviour. Again she found out as the other woman was married and got caught so revealed all. Anyway after alot of grovelling and pleading we have spilt up and i wont even get to see my child turn 2 years old. I have lost everything for a little bit of happiness i thought might make me feel better. Turns out it didnt and i have ruined my life. Lost my house, my boy my life and most important my girlfriend. After speaking to her i realised how much she cared for me, and how much i meant to her. I always had a feeling she drifted away from me since we have a baby and i have felt so down. No affection, no signs of love. I just wanted to be wanted and now my stupid mistake has hurt everyone. I have been to doctors and explained to him what has happened and how i felt before and after. They prescribed me anti-depressants but i dont want to take them if i can get myself out of the hole myself. I am waiting to hear back from counselling too. I just feel so low, struggling to eat or over eating at times. Tired, cant sleep and i just dont want to be alive anymore. The only thing stopping me is i want to see my boy and i dont want to lose him. Im struggling to concentrate in my new job and i am worried i am going to lose it with my current feelings. My family hate me for what i have done and i dont want to speak to my friends about it as i feel so stupid. I dont know what to do or what to say. I am so lost and i cant help be constantly upset.
hello,
i am so sad to read you post it really saddened me. trust me i have been there and worn the t shirt and i am still here albeit living back at my parents and lost everything to. we all make our own choices, some very bad, yes been there but there is one rhing i have finally learned is that no matter what you can not change it. it happened, you of course regret everything but you have to own it and try to move on. i split up with my husband, i left australia and came back to the uk because of lots of different reasons and i have beaten myself up everyday for nearly 20 years. i am at that point that i have forgiven myself but i should of let go and done that many, many years ago. again communication is a big key and that was one of the reasons but i also found myself looking back with rosey coloured glasses thinking how we were together..but in reality with my mistakes there was no going back. i have been on anti depressants for a very long time and they did help me, well help to numb the pain so i urge you to please get help for yourself and take one day at a time. you are still alive and one day you will forgive yourself and when you do you can move on to the next chapter in your life. dont do what i did and waste 20 years of my life just exsisting it is no life. i drank too much and was so very unhappy. i did meet someone after a while and that lasted 8 years and out of the blue he dumped me for no reason, so i think karma has a role in this. i decided to pick myself up and try and be happy, it so so hard as also i suffer from anorexia, maybe this is my curse but i am getting treatment. i have wished so many times if only i could turn back the clock but you cant. you will get better in time but dont be ashamed in asking for help from anyone. you are human, we ALL MAKE MISTAKES. i really wish you the very best love and light sue x
Hi JP1084
Yes when we are facing difficulties and someone appear and showing care and concern etc as human we will easily fall into that person who is willing to hear our sorrow and give us warm etc. Because we are human. We need someone to confide to and that person won’t even judge us, the more we will want to be with that person. No matter what have happen, what done cannot be undone. Have to face the consequences bravely and move on. Stop blaming yourself for whatever you have done and happened. Human do make mistake, we have to learn the lesson and move on.
Hi you are by no means the first man to do this and you are far from the last. You were looking for attention from any woman who made you feel like a man again. Obviously your partner was spending a lot more time and attention with your child and you felt left out.
As you now realise there are much better ways to be a man than having an affair for some short term affection. Live and learn from this. I can’t say whether your partner will ever want to be with you again, but you spend the best chance if you can man up now and be there for her and your son. Prove to her you have learnt your lesson and who knows. x