I am really struggling with my depression at the moment.

[nh_user_1137112]

Hi all,

I wanted to get some advice or suggestions or just someone who understands the situation I have found myself in.

So I am currently recovering from an eating disorder and on Fluoxetine 20mg pills once a day, I attend a therapy session for my eating disorder once a week. I have experienced recently a real dip in my mood and general feelings of self worth. I have not previous history of self harm or deliberatly hurting myself but I have noticed recently that these thoughts are becoming more and more extreme - in a sense that the urge to hurt myself is replacing my previous urge to binge.

This is really worrying for me as today I did deliberately hurt myself (only small) for the first time - I recently went to the GP to up my dose which I now have but I am worried that these thoughts are related to the pills and will only get worse as the dose increases.

I also feel like my GP doesnt want to know - almost as if unless I am a 'serious' case its not important. I visited my GP today to tell them about these thoughts and they brushed it off almost as not serious enough and I dont want to waste there time by going again but equally I am terrified of my own thoughts.

Thank you any responses.

[nh_user_1082107]

hi zoe, my name is kelly, and just to tell you i am no doctor or therapist,so i can only say what i feel,and i trust my feelings,they dont lie to me,

I read your post and related to you instantly,i thought to myself straight away i need to help this lady somehow,

first of all i totally understand what you mean when you say that you FEEL that your GP dosent want to no,the fact you said the word feel ,which to me i no feelings do not decieve us our feelings about someone,somthing, is our concious mind telling you that you are correct and your doctor has no clue about you or what it is you may be going through,its all text book,its just a job to them ,they simply up the meds and send you on ur way.instesd of helping you with your depression,

my GP is exactly the same,but im hear to validate your feelings, dont be terrified of you,what ever it is that the bad thoughts are like an inner critic they make you want to hurt your self,and we often tend to do this its self sabotage,i do all the time im to hard on myself,you need to find the root cause darlin, i mean i myself have been a great hater of me,always told i talk s**t,when in actual fact i am an empath and i put the feelings others feel into words which one may not be able to do for fear of emotional hurt ,fear,or even rejection,i am not here to hurt anyone,i am more about understanding,ive educated myself and researched and i believe that the medication that we get perscribed is not helping us,i feel that deep down you are a beautiful person,when you look into the mirror its only what ur inner critic(bad thoughts} reflects back at u ,you can do this zoe,you are not feeling like ths for nothing you dont want to feel this way ,look at it like this if you are feeling depprest maybe its a old wound from ur past trying to resuface and this is why you feel the way you do often we supress bad experiences and trauma and move on with our lives,but its only happening to u now because its your bodys way of saying that it needs validation,maybe in life your boundries have been crossed,its not ur fault darlin,the very fact that i can relate to you is somthing right there, you are worth every second of every minuete,that is why i am so greatful that people like yourself have real courage to talk about there problems,you truley do have a gift.

I hope i have helped i know its not much of a diagnosis,but its all from the bottom of my heart .xxx 

  

[nh_user_496758]

Dear Zoe50555, I'm so sorry to hear how you are struggling, and my heart goes out to you.

I have been there myself. Long term eating disorder, and when I was in the process of trying to get better, I got extremely depressed and suicidal. I don't know if am right, but my thoughts now are that my eating disorder for me was a way of letting bad feelings out, punishing myself, and when that was not possible anymore, I 'had to' hurt myself some other way. I don't know if you can identify with this. It is very,very difficult to find alternative 'better' behaviours in these times of stress, and it is a very long process, but you CAN do it. Good luck and hugs