I am so upset and annoyed at THE WORLD!!!!

Mental health
1

iVE HAD IT!!!! I dont know where to turn , I really can honestly say I have tied my hands to this computer as I feel so gutted, out of control and ready to do me in. Even if ppuke bins this , I dont care, Ill just pretend I am doing my application forms and keep typing otherwise I dont know where I am goint to end. I am so tired of everything, everyone, I dont wnat to see my doctor for his phrases that stick in my head \"Ithinki you know the way\", Pfff well (doh!) Id have real problems If I didnt. Then theres my cpn - who just seeems to do all the talking and bugger offf on holiday , ALL THE TIME. and theres is me........there is nothing wrong with me, yeah yeah, thats why I cant cope, drink like I dont know what and take lots of laxatives. dont speak to anyone, cry all the time, hate me, and everyone (apart from my kids) but even recently they seem tooo much!!!!!!! I started shouting at a man today - who nearly whacked my daughter with the car dooor(he was too busy smoking a fag and not looking. So I shouted it back, normally I would not, normally I would just sigh and be grateful that she okay, but not this time.\"LOOK YOU LUNATIC, YOU NEARLY KNOCKED HER OUT......yOUR TOO BUSY SMOKING THAT SMELLY FAG TO GIVE A DAM.......\" :oops: :oops: :oops: :oops: :oops: :oops: :oops: sO HE POLITLEY SAYS\"i BEG YOU PARDON?\" I think F off\" In my head......but just left it at that....then realised that he probably never saw Becca as she is smalll and does not recjh above the car door. So calm down .............god what is happening to me?

I cant face walking into my filthy kiitchen to calen all there dishes (ohg sorry as my partner so kindly puts it....my dishes.) This is the wonder for me....how did I get thro last year ......how did I cope with him? My part time job? My mum being so ill? mY dad not talking and getting invvolved? My ex sister in law giving me the where are there wellies? And my maths course? and all that stuff all his physical and finacila and I am not going to put the other one down here Ill throw up!!!!! I have had relatives vvery close to me die and got over it quicker than this ???????. If only my grandad was here????? He used to look after me when I was at nursery and infant school....then he got a girlfriend and ( oh he makes me laugh and cry) moved in to a caravan??????? I like his take on life???He never took it too seriously- yup grandad your still here arent you?????Just dont tkae it all so seriously and youll be fine ....go and get what you deserve? Okay grandad....I am going for a sleep then ill do my application.

Signing of now.

2

Hi, sorry to hear your not feeling great today. Your days sound v.similar to mine minus the maths course! how do you do it all. Your alot stronger than i seem to be.

Out of interest why do you take laxatives only because i abuse them too (although trying not to now) i do it when i'm low and just another self destructing tool for me to abuse my body because i hate ME alot of the time.

Do you take anti depressants?

Boog

3

Hi boog100, thanks for the message.

Why do I take llaxatives? Well I ask myself the same question - I dont know! If I can get rid of my food,I feel better. Sometimes I just dont feel like eating, or if Ive eaten I want it out as I see no point in continuing this dreary existence. I cant drive, I cant get a decent job(I cant believe you now have to give a 10 minute presentation , in an interview , to work a scanning machine at Standard life, wtf is the credit crunch done!!!!!!) Sorry, off again.

I take them, they make me feel better, more control on self destructing, yup thats me, a bottle of wine , lots of laxatives, next morning loads of caffeine, (oh yeah and the ocassional wrap or chocolate bar ) Dont know why I waist money on food, when really I should just but more booze - I mean, do it properly, and hurry up about it. No one likes me, I dont like me, so how can anyone else. I want to be in a dark box, and hidden, that way I cant hurt anyone, and they cant hurt me.

No, I dont take ads, that would be criminal!

Hope your better than me boog100.

Saying , as you asked, I am in a much better mood once theyve worked.

4

Your email sounds a bit chirpier than the previous one - not that i can tell by just writing but you know what i mean

So do you suffer with alcholism and depression or just one of them? Why taking Anti depressants criminal?

I'm ok but this terrible illness \"depression\" \"anxiety disorder\" takes its toll as you probably know. So are you at work now?

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Hi, boog100 - yeah I am a bit alcohol dependant.

Yeah....still not so great , just do the avoidance thing (all day) That helps, not as much as a glass of wine would. Off work today which is a good thing as really I just rather hide. Children cheered me up, but god, I cant handle how my partner thinks its okay to tell them one thing and make their minds insecure. Pra....(Iam sure you can finish that word of for me).

Do you drink? I cant see the future for the drink....even though everything seems bleak, I still have wants....yeah, right......well they come and go. I cant imagine having that \"feel good factor\" ever again.

Afriend of mine cheered me up. I had such a laugh, I cried. Why could it not be like this at home?????

Im at work tom and then have 3 days off - shifts are everywhere.

Do you drink as well?

6

Hi Tiny,

Yeah i do drink and i did get very dependent on it due to depression as like you it HELPED. But does it? Since early July i have not been dependent on drink and it actually feels alot better although to be fair it wasn't a long period that i relied on drink to get me through only a few month so i woulnd't have classed myself as an addict so by just changing my life style with drink and food has helped alot. I was in hospital becaus of depression and that helped loads.

What do you work as? How old are your kids? I take i your partner doesn't help much-does he mind you drinking.

My mother and sister are alchoholics so i don't won't go down that road although i do relate to why they do it sometimes.

I have two girl aged 3 and 6 and they are v.v.hard work. It sounds like you get happiness from your children and i'm guessing they are older than mine.

Boog

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About the only \"Out of control\" thing i dont sdo , is shoplift!!!!

Been eating like a horse today. I eat wraps with about 10 million jalapeons- then wonder why I have indigetstion and heartburn all night.

Another thing I do is spend money , like there is no tomorrow, mind you that might be because there might not be a tomorrow. I dont even get a feel good buzz anymore. Nothing.

I just seem to be living in a dark rain cloud, (thats not opened the flood gates yet!). I cant seem to weigh consequences up. Hence why I go well a wee glass of wine ill fix it, a few laxatives away from being me again and ill be fine apart from the fact walking in a straight line irs about as hard as getting a PHD@

Ive eaten so much today: !) cup of coffee , slice of toast, caramel log

then more coffee, wrap in colesla with mustard and pepper. then cup[ a soup and another wrap with chees and jalapenos, (Only 7) of them, Honestly, belly look like Ben Nevis , where my bottom is the base and the end of my tummy is the top.

Do you know my partner is such A b.........d, god I never thought I would end up like my mother , but here I am calling him names just as she did my dad, mind you my kids are not reading this and have not heard me say it (well, yet). He works 5 hours a day, or starts at 6 pm and finishes at 10....This weekend he astarted at 8pm and came home at 7 am - do you think he has met someone else? Do you think this is why he has decided it okay for him to move out? Do I care? Nope! Not Now , No one could hurt a person like he has me, and yes I am terrified of change, but Ill just stay away from men.

God , talking of which, there is an asian man that f annoys me. I made the big mistake of saying Hello to him ONCE, and yuck he so so perverted, cant describe it- goggle eyes Yuck! Right there. Hope ya speak soon boog100, feeling lonely and very fat and ugly, Blodody hairdresser cut my hair off and its a f mess!!!!

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Boog. My children are 5 and 8. They are v hard work also, but I am blessed by the fact they are easy to please. My partner helps ocassionaly by taking them out on the odd day trips, but in the house and with the house chores he does not. My partner does not mind me / never has minded me drinking,. He drinks also- he drinks beer, I cant stand the stuff. I hate saying that I may become a drink dependant, my sister srinks every night also and my dad , likes to drink a lot too, despuit his bad health. His brother commited suicide, and his dad died from alcoholism, so I dont really want to be using alcohol as a measure to ease my moods, but I am so irritable, and by the time my children are asleeping in their beds I find that my mind is buzzing and I feel wide awake......by 1030...instead of going to bed with a good book....I am like, bring it on....opening my bottle and drinking. By 1230 I go to bed, Then usually wake about 6am, No wonder Ive been getting migraine.

Thats good that you were strong enough not to stay on the booze. The thing is ever since my aunt, granda has died and I was their for my mum, I resent the facts that she did not help me out when I really needed her. Should it not be the other way around? Maybe not at this age - but think that her illnesswa triggered me off on one again, and always will. When I think about it,, that makes sense.

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So your partner doesn't stay with you?

How much do you drink?

What is your job?

Don't be down about your weight and hair they can be fixed or i'm sure your weight is fine and your hair looks lovely.

Do you live in London? :lol:

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No, boog, my partner does live withme- just trying to get him out.

I am a shop assistant at the moment, trying to get into teaching.

I dont live in London - do you?

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I tend to drink 3 or 4 glasses of wine a night.

If you live in lOndon, what part?

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No don't live in London just work there. Just waiting for kids to go back to school - yippeee trying to juggle work and childcare is a nightmare!

Back to work tomorrow though and the rest of the week - its my haven really - don't really like homelife for no apparent reason just not a v. good mother or wife or housekeeper actually i'm very crap at it all.

Do you see someone for your depression?

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Iam like that on the school holidays. I feel like you to - I am crap at all that housework ,a nd evemn though I adore my children I feel i dont do them justice, I can never manage to get it out my head that I dont give them the best and thats not dood enough. It has to be all or niothing. At the moment I have to collect my youngest from a friends, shes really hard work for me, I know she is feeling a bit insecure about specs, speech, andloves to be close to be and though I think she is brill and adorable sometimes I just want her to get off me, and give me 5 minutes ....this make me fee llike she feels like she is getting rejected by me and that makes me feel crap as my mum used to snap at me all the time even if it were just fior a cuddle, and I feel like this is a really painful thing. Do I make any sense to you? becca slleps in my bed, (I sleep in the spear room away from my partner) and she sneaks in and cuddle sme, I wake with 10 teddied in my bed and her cuddling me. But I know what you are saying, Its almost like the Cant llive with them, cnat live without them scenario but you feel guilty for not loving them enough! You can never love children too much - can you?

14

Hi

I work in the city but didn't live in London

3 or 4 glasses of wine is the norm for most women i think

Have a good evening if you can - tomorrow's another day

Boog

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According to my doctor and cpn , that s not a normal amount.

What do you work as?

Hope you okay, and thank you for talking to me today.

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how are you today?

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Hi boog100 - yesterday- lost my rag - went mental/mad screaming and now my throat is sore. Thought I was calmer yest too - but honestly, thought that this had stopped - but no Katy absolutely lost it as there was a piece of paper on the living room floor.

After my shouting with me - I then washed the children , and what did we find? Great - feck- headlice -again!!!!!!!! So was exhausted. After that scenario, opened wine once kids had gone to bed drank a glass sighed with relief, poured another one, then felt like absolute crap/wanted to howl - but nothing happened, went to bed, and laty thinking for hours. Today look about 50 something, and feel washed out.

There.

How are you today? Hope you are better than me. I have a period from hell, and my arse feels so sore, I could write the details here, but ill not bore you.

Hope you are better than me????? My temper scares me, but I dont get a loud agressive voice I get a high pitched squeak, and talk fast when I loose it. I even tried to smash a few cups in the absense of my children just to free some of me up - the tea stained bast....would not smash- they bounced.

Awee, better get busy. Hope you speak soon.

How do you cope with the pace in London?

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:cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: ALL BLOODY MORNING. No reason for it, just crying.

Then, got kids from school , feeling drained and oversensitive. Want my bed. And uncontrolably eating too much :cry: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: I cant talk to others and some people have so much muore to deal with. I feel pathetic!!!!!!!!

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I feel sick now.

I thought maybe I could do something with my partner without any stressors, like talk- why I thought that Ill never know/ I should have thought harder, apparently hes is going out tomnight - I just want to know who she is. (And now , I sound like a bunny boiler) God, this is hell..........are there any good films on at the pictures that I could go and see? I dont want to sit here alone thinking about this stuff.

Does he think he can carry on having his cake and eating it?

He acts as if there is nothing wrong?

I cant handle it !

It really hurts me that he had children with me, and then squishes on me like something that should have been scooped up by a pooper scooper. Right then, might go to chemist and give that St johns wort a try. I cant be bothered feeling like this!

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Hi Tiny

How did the weekend go in the end? Do you really think your partner has someone else?

Boog