I am too tensed. omg can't think clearly.

Other conditions
1

I am so clumsy my mind is not clear and i am tottally un-focus in my work and almost cause problem to my dear friend.

My dear friend is the kid of my boss , i am really sorry for what happened cause i never thought that would happen and almost he could lose his eyes.

I am working in a petrol station i used to call the kid (4 years old)  to put benzin(unleaded) together for fun , there wasn't a problem till today, that made me realise where i did wrong , i learned from that (now) but the petrol went into his eyes and he started crying and i felt his pain all the way along cause when you pass a little time with someone you can understandwhen that crying is of being (naughty) or when in pain.

They went to the doctor during that time , and even now i am still trying to understand how can i fix this behaviour without causing someone his life , or problem,because i was always afraid that this would happened some today because of me being clumsy and having my mind to wonder everywhere all the time and can't control it.

However i do know that is not like we can control everything but if my mind cross the thought of the petrol to go his eyes,i wouldn't have taken the risk.

I am the only one to blame for this , but now i learned , how to prevent but tell me is not proper to learn this way by learning from this kind of errors cause this would for instant cause his eyes or someone else problem and so on.

Even if someone teached you and gave you lessons , there still would be things that we wouldn't know right? Ofcourse we lower the risks.

But can we do better? How can i focus my mind on when i am doing something , always when i am trying to focus on A  then i think ABC. The more i try to focus the more i think about more things the more i lose control.

If i let go of trying to focus i am getting un-motivated.

P.S The kid is fine , he will take 1 week therapy cause it didn't damaged anything. 

Also the kid when he came back there was no feeling ill towards me that i caused this to happen , he was looking at me the same way like before.

It's stupid isn't it , i caused him so much pain, and tears, and almost caused the lost of his eyes, and he still loves me,and talks the same way like before and he was asking me even questions.Laterwards when the time passed i asked him how he feels with his eyes if any pain and he said " I am not hurting and what was that stupid petrol about xD "

2

if you started to be de-focus since working in gas station, this may be due to gas vapors that can affect concentration of some people,

But if it is your behaviour long time before, you have consult your medicine and neurological dr.

3

What does not concentrating have to do with making an irresposible decision regarding a four year old? You do not say the child did this when you were not paying attention. You say you have been having him do this for fun. I am surprised his parents would allow him to be with you unsupervised as you yourself seem to be questioning your own actions.

If you can see a doctor there are medications for people with Attention Deficit Disorder if this is what you have. How much education have you had? Did you have problems learning in school? Discuss these things with the doctor. 

In the meantime use your common sense with dealing with children. If you feel you cannot be trusted to make responsible decisions you should avoid being around them unless they have supervision.

4

So you came to play the game of blaming the parents alright i see.

Most of this you wrote is like people shouldn't trust each other and only stated that i should go the doctor.

and last paragraph is so wrong , it doesn't mean if i feel i shouldn't be trusted i shouldn't do so and stay closed in a house.If that's the way people wouldn't communicate with each other.

No heck no.

Nvm mind that i don't think that will help me out answell,and one day hope i have money to go the doctor i already know that long time ago.

5

Sorry, I'm having too difficult time understanding what you are trying to say.