I can never get over this past failing

Mental health
1

I can’t move on from a past failure.

I wanted to be an actor. I went into professional training with bags of confidence. I now have no confidence at all. My three years at uni were three years of huge disappointment after disappointment.  I am a very insecure guy anyway, but when I get 68 out of 100, rather than feel happy, I naturally feel so inadequate when the person I have been working closely with gets 86. That is no exaggeration, it is par the course for me.

I spent two years of uni afraid and scared. This came across very badly and was reflected in sh*t grades. I then did another course outside, and that really boosted my confidence. I returned to uni ready to take on the world. I was in a play and really felt it went so well, was so satisfied with my performance. I then get the grade 15 days later and discover it was one of the worst performances I have ever done! It was a huge psychological blow that two years later I am still not over. The fact that I thought everyone was cheering me and they were probably laughing at me. It was just so out of line with how I thought I was doing to how I was actually doing. I managed to improve in the later plays, but I never got 70. I got 68 twice and then that was it. Uni was over. Never can I ever make up for this.

I have been carrying this with me every day since. I have achieved a bit since but the shock of that play above means I will never ever go into any play with any degree of confidence. I will always go in thinking I am s*** as the last time I thought I was good, I clearly wasn’t.

I don’t think I can EVER get over this.

Emis Moderator comment: I have edited this post due to the swearing. These are open forums so as per the T&Cs please do not use offensive language in posts otherwise they may be deleted.

2

Hi Alex, sorry about your situation.  Wanting to be a actor is not easy, their is a lot of luck involved and hard work. I wanted to be a actress, but I didn't have a lot of self confidence. Yes, it is very frustrating, I suggest you seek advice. Hope this helps.

3

Alex,

I'm battling with past failures also, so I do understand. It really sound like acting needs to be a part of your future. I have a good friend who is a teacher, and acts in community playhouse in a local community. Acting was her dream, but it just didn't work out to be something she could make a living at. If you don't have that huge pressure on yourself, you'll be more relaxed. Don't give up your dream because of some stupid review or grade. Don't compare yourself to others, because you you probably have different backgrounds, which will make your techniques different. Try practicing your craft in a less judgemental place. This may give you a boost of confidence..

4

Hi Alex I think that in any profession you have to learn to deal with setbacks and acting is no exception.  You have to develop a tough skin and use the negative experiences to develop and grow.  Can you try and do that instead of of giving in?   Think about it.

I used to be quite a good dart player and I got the chance I longed for - to play in the superleague.  It was disastrous!   I lost all my games 3-0 and was dropped.  It took me ages to get any confidence back but I enjoy it so much I am never going to give it up.  

If you enjoy acting get back into it.  Join an amateur dramatics group and see if you can get some confidence back.  This way you will not have the pressure you had before and you might find the wherewithall to get back into it professionally.   x