Hi Hollie
Be kind to yourself. This can actually bring you and your fiancee closer together. Cry, it is good for you as well as releasing stress hormones. You will feel better after a good cry. Your fiancee is probably feeling anxious about what is happening to you as well as feeling disempowered because he doesn't know what to do about it. This in turn may cause him to feel frustrated and even angry. Remember that he is frustrated (as you are) by the condition, NOT YOU. What you both need is more information about your condition to really understand what is happening to you and what can be done about it. If you go to the GP try and get him to come with you so he can feel included in your recovery program and also so he can be educated about your condition. If your GP is no good, get another one. If you can't find a knowledeable and understanding doctor then look for a therapist who specialises in anxiety states or your local mental health professionals.
I have been exactly where you are and am now free. You will be too but you need to do a bit of work to get there. The first thing is to understand and get a grip on what an anxiety state is and how it affects us. It is common to all human beings. It may FEEL terrible and the end of the world but I can assure you that it certainly isn't. The strange and disturbing feelings in your body and in your mind are simply the effects of the hormone adrenaline being released into your bloodstream. Nobody EVER died from anxiety. There are literally hundreds of thousands of people all over the world who are RIGHT NOW feeling the same as you are, and feeling just as desperate. There is no need to feel desperate. There are proven methods that work that will bring you out of this and YOU WILL feel your old self again. Have compassion for yourself in the meantime. It's OK for you to seek reassurance and comforting from your fiancee. DO NOT blame yourself or give yourself a hard time about this. Forgive yourself. After all, if the situation was reversed and he was the one suffering, wouldn't you want to help him as much as you could? It isn't personal and it isn't your fault. It is a hard-wired defence system in the human body that has been triggered, that's all. To explain how to get out of it would take quite a bit of explaining and I would be happy to do that for you if you like. But I feel that, especially for your fiancee, the understanding would best come from an 'expert' that he can believe, like a doctor or therapist rather than from some unknown bloke on the internet (me). I can assure you that I have lived through this and that you will be ok. Nothing bad will happen to you, in fact the very worst that can happen to you has already happened which is that you are feeling anxious. It doesn't get any worse than that. I am not belittling or downplaying the horrid and uncomfortable feelings that this state induces (I have called out ambulances in the past, I was so terrified) but nonetheless it is definately treatable. Try to be patient and hang on in there.
The key element is NOT to try and fight it or escape from it (even though I know you want to). This will make it worse. The key is ACCEPTANCE. Most people instinctively go the other way and try desperatlly to get rid of it by any means possible ( and why wouldn't you, it's a horrible feeling) but the point is. THIS DOESN'T WORK. Accepting the feelings in your body and the weird thoughts in your mind works. AS soon as you truly accept it, it goes away. Strange, eh! There are biological reasons for this which I will try to explain in a future post. But for the moment....
1) Try to do a brisk walk of 20 minutes every day. If you can't get out, run on the spot. Get breathless. This will use up some of the extra adrenaline that your body is producing plus you will sleep better.
2) Find a doctor or therapist who is sympathetic to your condition.
3) Eat regularly and healthily.
4) Try not to drink alcohol (it's a depressive) or use recreational drugs (can make anxiety worse). They may give you temporary relief but will not help in the long run. PS if you do, don't forget to forgive yourself.
5) Reassure and comfort yourself. Wear slippers, get a teddy bear, have a hot water bottle, have a warm bath, comfort your body, whatever suits you. Give yourself a treat, Distract yourself if you can by reading (preferably something funny) or TV or radio or a hobby.
6) Take up a simple meditation practice. This is cheap and easy to do.
This has made me think that I will try to write down in as simple a way as I can how to get out of this anxiety state and I will post it on this forum as, judging from the posts on this forum (I have just joined), there is an enormous lack of information and knowledge about this difficulty. I was agoraphobic for 15 years (it wont take you so long) living in terror in my flat. Nearest to hell I have been! Had every physical symptom possible, shaking, teeth chattering, stomach churning, weeping, hair turned white (yes, it really did), eyesight changed, hot, cold, gasping for breath, sweating buckets (keep topped up with water), strange thoughts, unable to sleep, suicidal thoughts etc and I honestly never thought I would ever be OK again. Yet here I am, going out every day, enjoying the sunshine (when there is any!), running my own business and feeling ok. I am not a particularly courageous person or have any special abilities, I just had better information. You can do it too .Sorry this is so long, better stop now. I will post again soon. All my love and remember to be kind to yourself.