I suffered depression for roughly 20 years of my life. I am now thru the other side! I never thought I'd make it but i did.
I want to help others who are suffering, know someone who is or whoever can shout from the rooftops that there is HOPE!!
If you read this and don't relate to anything else please remember 4 words.
NEVER EVER EVER GIVE UP.
That was my motto for 20 years in my darkest of times. When i had exhausted every single avenue of help.
I spent every day of my life tired,exhausted, foggy, drained depressed lethargic etc etc. I fought for 20 years trying to GET SOME HELP!!
I would live from one professionals appointment to the next with that glimmer of hope that this could be it. This person is going to help me!!!!! I would have a medical list 10 miles long. I was so frustrated with people offering advice from sleep doctors who said i had sleep apnea twice at different clinics only to be told recently on a third sleep trial i don't have sleep apnea. After buying a machine for $2000 and then a mandibular device for about the same later on.
Following psychologists and counsellors around who delved deep and concluded i had some bad experiences and yes i probably did but none worse than any other child i believe.
Chasing food problems with dieticians, naturopaths, chinese medicine anyone!
Psychiatrists with drugs where i think i have tried most available. Thru different Psychiatrists due to them moving, expensive private/ public etc etc.
Then there are GP'S who I've had heaps due to me moving them moving and many due to poor relationship/understanding costs with private bulk billing etc.
When i look back now and see what i had in front of me was a puzzled nightmare! I was trying to find answers to why i was soooooo bloody tired constantly. Yes this did lead to depression (no sh*t Sherlock!), i would often sleep 12 hours per night to then drag myself out of bed yawning constantly with tears down my face from yawning and then to work where i would somehow stagger thru!
I was a fit child who loved sport. Soccer, hockey, cricket dirt bikes, running etc. To be told by GP's to get out of bed and exercise i was beyond cranky! I felt like a car with no fuel in the tank. I'm not LAZY. But i felt if somebody could put fuel in my car i would show them. But you can't push a car out of the shed and constantly tell it we've done all the tests we can't find anything just get on with it.
Nobody understands accept you. Sometimes you find that person who EMPATHISES and it is so empowering.
When you're in such pain though i once heard someone describe it as like a person with a severe toothache. There are only 2 people that person is capable of thinking of
1. Themself ( because of the intense pain they are in)
2. Somebody who can help them ( ie a dentist to relieve the pain)
I can relate to this so much. I didn't have the energy for my wife my kids my pasttimes my friends life in general!
I don't understand when people say why did they committ suicide it was so selfish! Look who they left behind! I think those people just dont understand. They have never been in enough constant enduring no light at the end of the tunnel pain to empathize with them.
My motivation was not to leave this world without answers! I knew i wasn't right but a lot of these so called professionals deal with there own expertise and sometimes it's not enough. They don't seem to collaborate? Maybe we should all exchange info/ ideas. Maybe this isn't an easy fix but requires a team effort? No, I'm a doctor what would they know, im a sleep doctor huh, im a psychiatrist this will work, etc etc.
That's why i nearly gave up. Hope was running out. I've been everywhere tried everything. I was running out of time, money, patience persistence. I would spend every possible moment on Dr Google because I'd lost faith in the medical profession.
I was desperate.
Somehow with 1 last sleep study where a brilliant person found something!! I didn't have sleep apnea! Woohoo. Well how do you explain my extreme tiredness then? There are other options he said. A drug called Modafinil. This drug treats people with chronic fatigue, kids with adhd i believe and other similar things.
I believe this has changed my life!!!! I now have ENERGY. I don't need to sleep 12 hours a night and during the day. This has obviously transferred to my outlook on life. I am positive, i have hopes and dreams, i want to do things.
I desperately want to reach out to others but haven't been able to find a good path? I know when i was desperate i used to scroll thru such pages looking for similarities in peoples stories for help/advice.
As i said don't ever forget that saying
NEVER EVER EVER GIVE UP.
There are people who understand and who have survived and found a better place.
Keep soldiering on and i hope some of my experiences might help you.
From the bottom of my heart GOOD LUCK.