I did a hard withdrawl from Citalopram and I'm struggling

Treatment and medication
1

3 months ago I accidentally came off Citalopram as I picked up the wrong box of pills. I had been on 40mg for 13 years. It was it was 2 hard weeks into the withdrawl before I relaised what I had done.

Once I realised I was through (what I thought was) the worst I decided that I would ride it out and just keep going. After 4 weeks things seemed to settle down and I was pretty much okay. But then I started to get really bad neck pain (something I have had in the past from tension, that hadn’t bothered me for years).

I didn’t think much of it, but I’ve seen a physical therapist, sports massage person and chiropractor who all think it’s tension related. It’s been 8 weeks of quite bad physical pain - the pain is often so much that it kicks off my anxiety which in turn makes me more tense and in more pain. It’s just not getting any better.

I’m due to speak to my GP tomorrow and I think I should go back onto Citalopram as I am really struggling to cope with this level of pain. It is a side effect I didn’t even anticipate. I guess she might also prescribe me painkillers?

I’m concerned I’ve done some long term damage doing such a hard withdrawal. It was an accident, but I did persist as I felt it was the right thing to do and my life is in a much better place than it was when I first started taking them

Not every day is bad, but things are really not improving on the whole.

Would really appreciate any advice or wisdom.

2

After I wrote this I had a brutal panic attack overnight. It was around a situation in my life I was very stressed over, I was running a temperature, skin crawling, angry, fists clenched, awake all night. One of my worst ever.

When I got up I withdrew myself from that situation and felt significantly better for doing so. The big worry from my life was gone.

I had an outstanding call from my GP in the afternoon, I told him I was struggling. He was surprised I’d lasted so long doing a cold turkey withdrawal from 40mg over 13 years and thought my muscle pain was related to my nerve endings struggling such an event.

He suggested going back on the Citalopram for a bit, then doing a tappered withdrawal OR now the big stress had gone seeing how I go. I decided to go with going back on it to see if that also fixed the muscle pain.

I’ve been taking 20mg of Citalopram for 2 days and it’s so much more brutal than before. I’m taking it in the evening and I can’t sleep, I’m red hot and anxious in the night - totally wired. Full of anxiety, nausuea, suicidal thoughts and blurred vision. It wasn’t like this on my first on-boarding. I’m going to switch it to the morning as I can cope with most things, but lack of sleep is a real problem for me. I’m also so jittery I’m driving my wife insane at night and she’s starting to get more grumpy by the day.

I kinda wish I’d gone with not starting it again. But I didn’t know up front that it would be this hard. I also think I really stressed myself out on Monday and this could be the tension still in my system. It’s the problem with changing two things at once.

I’m still not 100% sure if I should just stop after 3 days and see what happens or stick with it. I’d rather be off the stuff, but think I need the clear my muscle pain problems and this might do it.

I wish I’d never done a cold turkey cut, it was a total accident, but it hasn’t worked out well for me at all.

Thought I’d just update this as I go along as it might be useful for others in the future.

3

3 days on them and it’s nausea, insomnia, anxiety and suicidal thoughts washing over me. So I’ve decided to stop, I’ve only taken 3 x 20mg tablets and the last one was over 36 hours ago.

I just don’t think the onboarding is worth the benefit. I’ve been clear of them for 3 months and I’d forgotten quite how hard the startup is (it was 13 years ago I came onto them). Plus the benefits can be slow to arrive (6 weeks etc). I can’t do six weeks of insomnia, I need to drive and not crash into people.

I also had a lot of stress in my life that I resolved all of this week, once I did this all my muscle pain went away, so I’m not sure now if the muscle pain was caused by the withdrawal. So hard to tell when so many things change at once.

I now go to bed expecting not to sleep, so I’m not relaxed. Once I break my sleep cycle I find it really hard to correct it.

Anyway, too many symptoms with too few benefits mean I’m not going to take them any more.

4

Seven weeks have passed since I wrote these messages and my situation did not improve. I was left with hot flashes of adrenaline and muscle pain in my neck, shoulders and back that got worse over time.

I tried meditation, massage, yoga, physical therapy and visiting a chiropractor. None of them relieved the pain I was in. I made an appointment with a private doctor, after a long discussion he recommended that I returned to taking Citalopram as it was the one thing that changed in my life and all my symptoms started then, he felt that there was a chemical imbalance within me around serotonin.

In all of my searches online I have not found anyone who has had the symptoms I have had. After doing an (accidental) cold turkey withdrawal after thirteen years I was under the impression that the first two weeks would be difficult, but I was not prepared for symptoms five months later.

Going back onto Citalopram was not my plan, but my symptoms were so life limiting that I was ready to try anything. I am now on day eight of being back on the tablets, I did four days at 10mg and four days at 20mg looking to move to 30mg in a ten days. I’ve struggled with insomnia going back on them (this didn’t happen 13 years ago), but have medicated using antihistamines to keep this under control this time.

Incredibly the muscle pain I had in my back neck and shoulders is starting to go away quite significantly even after a few days in. I wish I had never come off the tablets in such a way, it was a huge mistake which has cost me a lot of months of living.

I really should have just gone straight back on the tablets when I realised I had accidentally gone cold turkey. I thought after two weeks I’d broken the back of it, but I didn’t realise the problem I would have down the line. I am updating this post in the hope that it might be useful for others who experience similar symptoms to me in the future.

5

Hi adrian
Oh man what a circle of events …geeez
Going CT on 40 mg , you defo put yourself through the grinder!!!
Are you getting back on track?
I tapered very slowly over 5 months 30 mg to 0 , was fine then around 6-8 weeks later kept bursting into tears and felt so afraid , i went back on them for 4 years & now im tapering again very very slowly, ive gone from 30 mg to 15 mg over 6 months , these meds are very strong so im taking my time. Did you have the brain zaps , mine were dreadful , im getting the skin crawling this time round… Intrested to know how your feeling. Be safe rob

6

have read all these posts carefully and in tears
20 years on 20mg
tried to taper off so many times
each time it just got too much - tired, no motivation, no appetite then binging, brain zaps, flu symptoms, sleep problems, tears, irritability, hot flashes, restless legs, anxiety up … and sane again. gone from 20 to 15 easily, as before, over 2 months. now doing 15mg one day, 12.5 mg the next - making 13.75 per day. That tiny difference is not so tiny! can’t believe I’m here again, ready to jack it in and just accept I’m a ‘lifer’.
how did you do? carry on or just accept for us there’s no going back now? is it worth ruining life for months or possibly more? - life is short.