I don't know how to deal with it...please help

Mental health
1

I feel severely depressed

I'm not officially diagnosed with anything but I think I have anxiety and a depressive disorder

I also think I have social anxiety, a body dysmorphic disorder (because I hate my skin due to acne so much that I feel so ugly all the time), PTSD (from an acne trauma in high school, so ever since I can't go a single day without wearing a full layer of foundation)

I'm not on any medication

I am a college student

I feel so empty and alone

I feel worthless and hopeless, and nothing seems truly fun anymore

I have so many things coming up (exams and papers), but I can't motivate myself to do anything and I'm so worried and stressed out

I just cry all the time and it hurts so much

I have no one to talk to 

I just want to die but I'm scared to even attempt 

my parents don't know about this, I'm scared to tell them how I truly feel

I recently self-harmed on my arms, not very deep, but various lines enough to bleed a little and now I feel ashamed and worried that someone will see them

I feel extremely terrible and I feel like sleeping all the time which is strange because I make sure I get enough sleep all the time

I haven't been able to eat proper meals unless I'm with other people, otherwise I eat snacks which are closer to me 

I have friends, but they don't know I feel like this, I mask everything with a fake smile all the time 

I don't trust people very well, I've had some friend problems in the past in which I've stopped being their friend, and now I don't know if it was the depression that isolated me from them or whether I was right to let them go, sometimes I wish I could fix these broken relationships but other times I feel like I shouldn't.

I have talked to my school psychologist before and they didn't really help as much as I wanted, but I also didn't want to get real with them and tell them "I want to die" and say that I recently self-harmed or was thinking of doing so, because I was afraid of what they would do aka possibly send me to a mental hospital (like I said my parents don't know about this) 

I just want to talk to someone and get the help I need but I don't know how

I feel so bad that I don't even think therapy will help me

I feel so stuck and life really sucks at this moment

Please help

2

Melody

Whatever you do, I would advise you talk to your GP, show them a copy of above this will help them decide on the best way forward to help you, so you can move on.

I gather you are over fifteen, now sixteen etc, if this is the case you can  discuss your health concerns with your GP on your own.

Get your diagnosis and move on

BOB

3

I agree with Bob, you need to talk to your family doctor and lay all your cards on the table. If you feel that bad it's time to do something.

There is good medication out there today to address Depression especially, but also anxiety. Medication is only the first step, but it'll take the edge off so you can follow up on the rest.

Diet, exercise, THERAPY and medication can all address these symptoms, but you need to take the first step. I'm 63 now, but I was diagnosed with clinical depression for the first time when I was 38-and then only because my wife insisted I see a Psychiatrist. She saved my life, I have little doubt i would have taken my own life somewhere along the line without getting the proper medication (20 mg of Paxil daily in my case).

These new med are not without side effects, but when things are that bad it's really worth it to use them. They are NOT like the old meds that made you feel a little 'dopey', you can function very well once you get over the initial side effects. I have a PhD in electrical engineering and work on Electric Cars for one of the Big 3, I have to be able to function at a very high level at work. This medication allows you to do that.

Don't delay another day Melody26450! When you are feeling that badly you need to jump on it and people are far more understanding than you think. Depression/Anxiety are big problems in modern society, they are not uncommon. Best of luck!

4

Hi Melody - sorry to read you are suffering. It must seem overwhelming - all these aspects that are out of balance, where does one start? Well, it is overwhelming - mental illness tends to distort our perception of events/things around us, and if we could "think" our way out of it, there would be no need for doctors and the expanding mental health awareness among communities.

The first step would be to tell your parents. If you are not successful there, how about writing what you feel and giving it to them? Another copy for the school psychologist perhaps? The next is to see your doctor and explain what is happening. There will be issues with hormones given your age, but once you make that step toward help and understanding, you will feel empowered and will learn coping skills and how to recognise any triggers. Don't sit alone with this - help is out there if you ask for it. If your urge to end everything is unmanageable, present yourself to the emergency department of your local hospital. You need to open up about this to effective adults who will assist you.

5

Hi melody Im a 15 year old girl and I kinda know how you feel. a lot of times I feel worthless and like theres literally no hope for anything good to come out of my life and that im empty and my brain doesnt work and i hate myself so so much. Let me tell you one thing: everyone will say to focus on loving yourself and never change yourself, but I think you should change yourself all you want if it makes you happy. make sure you always have a goal even if it seems so far away; thats what keeps me going. Ex: Im gonna get a tan this summer, im gonna get my hair done next week, etc. Find small things that weirdly make you happy and do it as much as possible, and when you're not doing it or you're somewhere when you cant just look forward to it. Also, I attemted suicide before by taking a lot of pills, and it didn't do anything exept make me feel sick and sleep for a long time. I also told my mom because I was scared after I did it and she got so mad at me and started yelling at me and I regret it so much! I know you must be sick of people telling you just wait it'll get better, but I really think it will. See your doctor and maybe you can find a medication that helps you with your depression and lack of motivation! A therapist also really helps. I've been through like 20+ therapists and it took me years to find the right one but she has helped me through a lot. I'm so sorry to hear you're feeling like this and I hope you overcome it! xoxo

6

I know how you feel and I'm really sorry . I started having panic attacks and pretty severe depression after my mom unexpectly passed away last year. Ive always had anxiety but didnt really know what it was until a few years ago but its gotten really bad lately to the point I cant hardly sleep and have no motivation because of feeling so empty and hopeless. Ive lost interest in all my hobbies and that even makes me feel more sad. I gained alittle weight over the last year , not alot but to me when I look in the mirror I just want to cry . I feel so ugly all the time . I dont even want to go oit in public. Its an awful feeling . And like you I dont trust very many people or feel comfortable enough to talk about the way I feel . I do tho have a really good friend who I talk to about all this and she too is going thru a lot of the same things. I dont know how to help you I just wanted you to know your not alone . I really hope things get better. And I do believe they will for us both.