Hi,
I posted something like this similar to this a few days ago. When I was around 14, my brothers were annoying me, you know the usual kind of thing. Back then I didn't have a phone so i text my mum through my phone saying, 'oh god, they're driving me crazy - i want to kill myself' - I was young, so evidently i was joking. My mum showed my step-dad for some reason, he gave me a knife and said "Go on kill yourself."
I'm not sure if that's when everything spiralled but I was considerably fine after that. Then came year 9 where my parents decided to move abroad - I hated it. I was 'home schooled' although it was merely me teaching myself. Then we came back to the UK during the summer and I had to somehow study all of my GCSE's (three years worth) in a matter of months which was very stressful.
Then, I somehow got into college. My parents let me do six-form in the UK whilst they went abroad. For months, especially when i was abroad, I felt so sad and miserable, I just assumed everything would get better when I was in the UK again.
It didn't.
I'm not a very emotional person, if people cry; you won't see me bawling my eyes out. However, my mum arranged to take me to the doctor's during the holidays because of my irreguar periods. Then i found out i had polycystic ovaries. I was quite upset about the possiblity of not having children but i wasn't that distraught.
Over the first few months of college everything was somewhat okay. Except i always felt this numbness settle around me - at times, I'd feel so upset that I just felt numb. I'd stare at my computer screen and just do .. nothing.
The next few months grew worse, I would miss college because I lacked the motivation to face anybody. I then searched up how i was feeling and found a bunch of depression tests. I didn't suspect i had it, despite getting very high 'marks' in the online tests.
I wouldn't say anything above really contributes to how i've been feeling. At times, I'll be at home and I'll just burst out crying despite not knowing WHY i'm crying.
I loathe nights because I can't sleep at all - sometimes, it'll tak me 3 hours to fall asleep and even then, I'll only sleep for a few headaches whilst recently getting a lot of headaches.
I tried telling my mum about how i'm feeling, she's still abroad and she just brushes off. I know that depression is genetic, which makes me wonder if i have a higher risk of getting it because my mum had it at this age.
Do I have depression?
I've looked at all of the symptoms and I have 98% of them but I'm also not sad ALL of the time.