Herpes isnt the main issue in why i would rather not be here 1. I dont know if i have it for sure yet 2. My herpes “scare” was just the icing on too the cake for me. Long story short ive had a pretty shitty life. Shitty parents shitty childhood just ■■■■. Ive been depressed since high school but something inside me always kept pushing on because it the right thing to do?? I thought once i went to college and got away from my toxic family I would be okay I would be free. no.. the depression just tagged along with me to college which impacted my grades and has me two years behind. AS SOON as i start doing better getting my health in order BOOM a doctor tells me i have herpes. Since then even tho testing has come back negative and im suspected to have lichen which can mimic herpes (still not sure though its a waiting game) my eyes have been opened not only of other true colors but the true colors of myself. I learned people dont give a ■■■■ about you especially when you have something worth being degraded for. i also learned I dont give a ■■■■ about myself. I spent years trying to fix myself just to end up as nothing. A useless person with no one. no friends no family nothing but a fucking herpes disgnoses and depression. I have nothing to offer the world and no one gives a ■■■■ about me. Even when i told my sister about my possible disgnoses she let her bf go through her phone see my vagina pictures i sent her and he threw it in my face. im hurt im extremely sad and this is years of pent up sadness the herpes was just the fucking icing on the cake. This world is ■■■■ in reality from wars to poverty to racism to child molesters ITS FUCKING ■■■■ AND i rather not be here contributing to the ■■■■
You already got a death date set. It’s coming sooner or later. Don’t make it happen at your own expense when it’s literally already gonna happen eventually. The fact that death is inevitable also means that life is literally pointless & nothing you really do matters at all, but thats the best part. Enjoy the ride you were put on until its time to get off. And in the meantime, there’s no point in sulking in things you can’t change. HSV happened. Your shitty sister & her boyfriend happened. Oh well, moving forward, can’t change or control it now. What can you control? Whatever the hell you decide to do moving forward. You got this, you’ll be ok… all you gotta do is stay until it’s time to leave.
