My name is Nina and I'm 16, turning 17 in one month. My entire life I have worried about almost everything and I have always hated being around people and talking to people on the phone. It scares me. Especially since I'm always say "huh" all the time because I can't really make out words on the phone and I feel like I just push people away with that. I only have two friends and I feel like I can't trust them and my family and boyfriend. My boyfriend is pretty much just like me, just the male version. I know I should probably talk to him, but I don't because I don't trust him 100%. We've only been together for almost 2 months(I know that's not long at all). I feel very comfortable with him though and he has had 2-3 year relationships so I'm sure we will have a future together. He's not a cheater and we both have gone through the same stuff in relationships. But I still can't tell him certain things that I grieve about. My family is just a bunch of back stabbers and my parents AND friends always judge me when I vent to them about my worries and my insecurities and hopelessness. All they say is that they are there for me and that I am not fat. In my eyes, I look fat and I know most of the fact is because I am big boned. But still, I don't have a flat stomach or thin calves, so I'm very bothered. I also am insecure about my body hair and breasts. I don't think I will ever love those things about myself...I've tried to be confident and more positive because I am always negative about everything, but I have no motivation AT ALL. I do online schooling and I have been having the worst grades because I just can't focus on my school work and I end up playing spider solitaire or just going back to sleep because lately I've been sleeping so much and that's all I ever want to do. I just got home from visiting family a few days ago and I didn't want to hang out with my family. I ended up sleeping in until noon unless my parents made me get up. Even after I got up at noon or later on in the evening I would feel extremely tired all day and want to take a nap. I also have been trying to look for a job, but at my age it seems nobody wants a teen of 16 with no experience. I want to move out next year because May 4th of next year I will be 18 and this summer I plan on doing 3 classes so I can jump ahead to 12th grade next year. I plan on moving to California for training to become a paramedic temporarily because I was going to be a bartender instead but I figured that wasn't enough to get myself on my feet since rent is expensive over there. My dream is to become a singer but I know that won't be my career just like that. So I'm just going to be a paramedic until I know I'm completely ready. I keep worrying because I want a brand new car by the time I graduate but I obviously won't be able to have one since I'm not old enough to have a credit card...and also I have no job to build credit even if I did have a credit card. I just feel that if I get a used car then I will need to repair it a ton and I won't be completely safe. I'd rather pay a 3 hundred and something car payment and be safe than pay tons of repair bills and have a chance of dying. I'm extremely scared to drive. I feel like I will crash into someone or someone will crash into me. I hate when people get super close to the car when they drive. I can't even switch to different lanes because I'm scared I will hit somebody. Also, since the time I was trying to be more confident, I tried to stop complaining because I do that pretty much 24/7 without realizing it. But I feel hopeless...I can't help myself when I feel alone and live with my parents who are negative all the time and complain twice as much as me and argue everyday. I don't understand why they don't just get a divorce. My dad claims he loves my step mom, but I know he doesn't because of the way he treats her. He cheats and calls her names. I just don't know what to do. How am I supposed to better myself when I feel so useless. I can't help myself at all. I've tried within the past 6 months and it's so hard. How do I do it when I live with negative people? My real mom is negative and I have the same problems she does. She's depressed and has anxiety herself. So living with her wouldn't help either. I am actually forcing myself do become a paramedic because I watched a tv show and I really liked the environment and I hate blood and talking to people, but I'm forcing myself. I'm extremely scared to work with people who complain all of the time over the phone. That's why I won't do any online jobs and working at a store is nerve racking with a bunk of people around. Someone please help 
Within the past 6 months I've cried every day and I even cry out of nowhere in public and I can't control it at all. I hate crying in front of people, so this is weird for me. I feel like anxiety rules my life. I think about death a lot but I'm still here because I know it will be hard on my boyfriend since he loves me a ton. I don't love him as much as he does though because of some stuff that happened last year. And lastly, I also feel extremely alone because EVERYONE i know excluding my boyfriend and best guy friend, ALWAYS preach to me to go to God about my problems and worries and become happy with him, but I'm not a Christian anymore because of some experiences I've had with another religion. I haven't told my family that I'm not one anymore because I know they will all be disappointed. I plan on telling them when I turn 18, if I don't worry so much by then.
I feel for you at the moment. It must be a difficult time for you. You are living in your own world of fear that you have created yourself. Go to the library and take out books on meditation and yoga. Learn to control your symtoms by concentrating on your breathe. Also take out some calm relaxing new wave music from the library and listen to the music as well as learn to control your breathe. Anxiety causes shortness of breathe as a fight/flight syndrom. You need to control this by focussing on your breathe. Diaphragmatic breathing helps you develop a greater amount of oxygen into your body and you will start to feel better. Meditation is a good process to learn as you can switch into this mode of relaxation and feel everything calm inside of you. It will make you feel so much better and you will start to see life in a totally different perspective.
Take control of your body by learning to cope for yourself. No one else will do it for you, so go to the library and learn about meditation. Take action and help yourself resolve your own issues. You are very young and you need to take care of yourself. This is a good way to learn coping strategies when times get tough for you. Yoga is also a very good activity and see if there are any groups to join in your area, otherwise read books about these 2 activities that will do wonders for your body and your health. Good luck!
Most important , is to talk to someone not involved in your life, an old teacher you liked, therapy, a family member, or maybe one of your boyfriends family members.
An adult you can trust, who has had experience in life.
Also your nearly 17, not 37 dont take every thing so seriously, when someone or something make you mad or angry, shrug it off, be carefree while you can. It seems you have picked up a bad habit, of seeing everything and everyone is against you. We all do it from time to time, and unless we have people to tell us snap out of it, we keep doing it. Honestly talk, talk, talk. eat well, and exercise (walking, 20 mins) 8 weeks from now you'll be revitalised, and ready for anything
As the saying goes, A problem shared is a problem halved
And come to this site to vent off or for advice, and well done for doing so in the first place Goodluck
You sound like a wonderful person that is reaching out for help. Learn about deep breathing through guided medititation books in the library Yoga and the breathe. This will help you learn how to control your breathing, or better still join a community group on yoga or meditation, where you will be around people with similar problems. Check at the local hospital notice board and see if they have any classes that may help.
This is the first step in learning how to help yourself get better! You will start feeling better when you can control your own breathing and listening to calming new wave musice helps with the calming affect on your body.
I have been through this myself. Taking medications does help, but it is not the complete answer. you need to look after yourself and this can only be done by taking care of your own needs