Hey Ruth.
Wrong what u r doing.
You need to think that anti depressants are not the enemy. Like you due to the circumstances in my life I had to go on them. I went on fluoxetine and used it for 5 yrs, after my baby boy died. Then I thought it was time to get off them as I felt more in control. I went on St. John's wart and it helped as well.
Then got off them too.
Unfortunately life is constantly throwing things at you that are hard to be able to deal with.
We women are strong and try to be in control, but every superhero needs a boost.
People with a health issue will become reliant on something. Mental health is a health issue and the only way you can deal with it is by looking after it. I have a friend who is bipolar and she took a while to accept that she had to be on the meds. When she would come off them she would say hey! Look I'm ok. But believe me she would go on a rampage.
The fact that you are not only dealing with depression alone at our age by not taking them you are not doing yourself any favours.
Menopause/Peru menopause takes a massive toll on you. Like pregnancy your hormones are all over the place and after it as well.
Look I am not advocating for people
To take tablets but sometimes due to the circumstances in your life, menopause, family life, relationships, work and so on it becomes unbarable to be able yo think straight.
In regards to the sex drive, that is down to menopause as well. Perimenopause kills your libido. I stayed 6 yrs with no action due to it. Once I became fully menopausal my libido came back. Also because I met my yummy man. Like u in September last year I went cold turkey and came off fluoxetine. At first felt great but then work, kids' issues, problems witty sciatica, stomach issues began to mount again and I went down hill. But this time it was anxiety and there isn't anything worse than feeling anxiety. Anxiety also comes from menopause. I remember my mum suffering as I was and I said no way. Went to the GP and she prescribed me citalopram. Small does but does the trick.
Afraid of becoming addicted to something is hard, but people are addicted to something in some sort of way. Alcohol, chocolate, fags, eating, sports, video games....
As I said perimenopause is the worse part of the journey, menopause a bit calmer nonetheless the circumstances in your lie aggravate how you feel and sometimes u don't even need circumstances, you just fall
Into a pit. You go on meds come off the circle starts again.
If you have on and off depression it will
Continue on and off, like a switch something will trigger it off and boom! Back I the pit.
Believe me no amount of shopping, great family life, job, etc.... Will work to switch it off. Depression is like a black cloud that is constantly over your head. Like a black cloud when the son comes out it fades and u feel better with the sun on your face, but it is always in the background. Only you can find a away to deal with it. Like your GP said give it a chance, or find an alternative to help yourself.
You have to think of your well being, because if you are on and off ok things around you will be the same.
I had a friend and my sister who were dead against it. But circumstances made them seek help and they are both on something and they just caved in.
Unfortunately we live in a reality where crap happens day in day out and we carry more than we can. The stresses we need to deal with are overwhelming. Driving is stressful, loads of idiots on the road. People at work stress you out, kids etc... I am on 20 mg of citalopram and it is the only tablet I take nowadays. Sex drive dries out with menopause but it comes back.
Give it a try if you really see that you can't cope. Your sanity and well being is worth it.