I feel like I'm driving my family away!!

Women's health
1

These last few months I feel like I'm a monster. Today my husband even spoke of divorce if I can't stop this obsessive behavior of thinking he's doing things he swears he's not. He is a truck driver and is gone for weeks and all I think about is that he's doing things out there that he shouldn't. He's been a truck driver for over 20 years and I never had this feeling before until I turned 50. I know he's spoken to his ex-wife of 30+ years just recently. He says he told me she contacted him via text and he says that when he told me about it that I said I didn't care if he spoke to her. Now, I don't remember saying this to him, but he swears I did. Later, I found her name on his phone and went ballistic!!! He didn't act guilty and was even surprised when I lost it. He said all they do is text once in awhile and it's all innocent. I told him to stop and he said, "No problem" and gave me his phone to let me block her. He even let me send her a text to tell her to stop texting him. He was perfectly fine with this and said if he'd known he would never had done it to begin with.

Now all I do is doubt everything he tells me and want to check everything he has to make sure other things aren't going on. He's apologized profusely and even told me to go through his stuff any time I feel like it if it makes me feel better. Now we've been going around and around this for about 3 months now and he's totally done with all this. I will be fine one day and then the next I'm doubting everything he says and accusing him of all kinds of things. I'm not sure if this is peri-menopause or the fact that I found his ex's name on his phone that has started this craziness. I feel bad because just as he thinks we've gotten everything hashed out and we start acting normal again, I will hit him again with accusations. WHAT DO I DO??? We have an autistic daughter and another daughter that still lives with us and we both worry about them. But I know he's at the end of his rope and frankly I really don't blame him. I just don't know what to do since we have no health insurance and I can't see a doctor.

 

2

I am so sorry!! It's very hard to do regular life when the emotions are so out of whack. In all seriousness, if your husband has not given you any reason to doubt his faithfulness, then trust him. When those feelings come try to hold them captive. Write them down if necessary and then throw it away! Think about what is good, right, and TRUE! This too will end!

3

It's an innate women's intuition that if you suspect something from your husband it's probably right. In your case, since he quit talking to her because you put it an end to it, it's natural for you to feel insecure. If you want to save your marriage, then keep the insecurities to yourself, voicing them makes him feel you don't trust him, which in turn, he may start talking to her again because you don't trust him anyway. Also, I recommend you find self-esteem books to help you overcome your insecurities.

4

Thank you for your advice. And I have never felt like he's doing anything before this. I keep wanting to go back to the days before I found out that she texted him because I don't remember feeling this nutty then. I know she contacted him first via Facebook, but I keep imagining him looking her up first (even though he didn't even know her married name). Why do I keep wanting to think the worst lately????

5

You really need to go on HRT.

6

I agree with if I don't stop accusing him he'll go out and do it because "why not". I know he's never done anything before but now I keep imagining that he has. I'm just not sure what has triggered such craziness lately and I'm scared everyday to wake up and have to deal with it. It's EXHAUSTING!!!! Thanks for your advice.

7

I appreciate your advice, but unfortunately we won't have health insurance until next May that will pay for that. Thanks anyway.