Hello. My name is Anthony. Last year I was in an emotionally abusive relationship that left me feeling completely helpless. I was constantly manipulated and put down, but I stayed in the relationship because I was more afraid of being alone then moving forward. I was always doing something wrong according to my ex and i never felt more trapped in a relationship in my life. She would threaten suicide and humiliate me in front of anyone she could. I had to watch everything I said so I wouldn't be berated. I was under constant stress and was just waiting for it to finally come to an end. Eventually it did and my ex ruined some of my property. The stress was unimaginable. I have since then found a significant other that treats me well, but recently I feel as if I'm unable to connect with her. I feel like i need to apologize to her for who I am no matter how many times she tells me she loves me and I don't need to be sorry. I feel emotionally numb, and like I'm destined to fail. I have been smoking pot because it makes me feel better in times of feeling too ashamed of who I am, but my parents found out and has only led to more stress. A couple weeks ago my father almost died in my arms from an accidental medication overdose. My brother has a heroin problem which led to him losing his home and his kids yet he constantly manipulates my mother and causes many fights within my family. Since my parents have found out about me smoking pot all I hear is how I'm going to end up like a no good failure like my brother. I feel detached from everyone else like I'm living in my own bubble. Sometimes I break down and have intrusive thoughts. There always seems to be a sense of dread or stress lingering. The thought of therapy has crossed my mind on several occasions but my parents don't know much about how I feel or much about my previous relationship. Often times when I'm feeling broken I tell myself that there is nothing wrong, I don't need therapy and everything is just in my head. I guess I'm just looking for an outsider's opinion...
you have been through a lot. Don’t try to tough it out by yourself. You deserve better. If there’s anyway to get therapy or counseling please do that! This is very difficult to do alone. You need someone to give you some support in guidance.
we all have to be fighters for ourselves otherwise nobody else will. I’m sorry you have to go through so much. Nobody should be making you feel poorly about yourself. You are special in this world and a counselor will help you realize that.
i don’t know your age but if you are in school, you can speak with a counselor there. They can always get you some further resources and remember whatever you tell a counselor is confidential.
if you are not in school, you can always find free or very low cost counseling in your community. you can try googling that. Sometimes churches can offer counseling or steer you in the right direction.
of course you feel broken, anybody would in your circumstance. It’s not all in your head, it’s actually happening and your feelings are real! we are here for you! Take care of yourself! 
hi sorry hear this its not nice here if you want to chat i get severe anxiety and i feel lonely my partner got brain damage and i have no one to turn to
im very sorry you went through such a bad relationship. it has most likely left you with a bruised self esteem. i think the emphasis on not being alone is where you could start. i think a therapist would be very helpful in figuring out why you cannot be comfortable being alone. sometimes being alone is where you need to he to heal. also, your family does not sound supportive. if you still live at home i would encourage you to move out. i think in addition to therapy, you might consider looking into pursuing hobbies that make you happy. taking classes at a rec center, getting involved with groups of ppl with shared interests, a film club, book club, etc. i definitely think therapist is the way to start though. dont put it off bc it might really help you. hoping for the best for you
Hi Anthony,
Im really sorry to hear youre going through such a hard time.
I would suggest you definitely need to try therapy. Some you can share with what happened to you and they can help you to get through all those tough feelings and ways to cope.
Its all about self healing, you need to let your emotional wounds heal.
Smoking pot doesnt make you a druggy unless you have to be high all the time and cant function without it. My OH smokes to wind down from a stressful day and also to help with his back pain.
I hope you start to feel better soon 
Hi Anthony, you’re not alone! I know exactly how you feel and I pushed it all down. You know there’s no overnight cure, but trying to accept what happened rather than pretend it didn’t happen can really reduce the impact it has on your life over time. That’s what I’ve found anyway
It’s hard but getting on with your life and accepting everything in your past, will make you feel so much better.
Hope this helps