I finally admit I have a problem and am desperate to change- can you help

General health and lifestyle
1

Hi, I'm 28 and have been making the same mistakes with alcohol for the last 10 years.

I stay dry all week but that doesn't mean that I don't think about alcohol or want it all the time. At the weekend I binge and have started hiding my alcohol intake from everyone. My family and partner have expressed their concerns but I've batted it away.

Once I have a drink, I change and become aggressive and want to be on my own. I drink until I fall and say the most awful things to my other half ( non of which I remember) and I've never had enough. I always want more and so hide wine around the house .

I have ruined every single occasion over the last 3 years including my wedding day. This weekend I disgraced myself at a wedding and have no recollection of anything. I'm desperate to change to save my marriage and my health. I'm tired of the shame and upset my actions cause everyone. Can anyone help me ??

2

Hi and welcome,

There are many ways to get out of this situation, and the key is to do some research and find the one that you think will suit you and your situation the best.

Your options range from methods to help you reach complete abstinence through to moderation management. 

As well as the usual traditional methods that you will have heard of, such as Alcoholics Anonymous and the 12 Steps, there are some other support groups such as SmartRecovery.

There are also medical ways to treat your issues with alcohol.  Medications exist such as Campral, that has very high success rates in helping someone remain abstinent.

Another treatment is called The Sinclair Method, which is what I used.  This is a treatment that involves taking a medication called naltrexone one hour prior to when you drink.  This switches off the 'more, more, more' signals that scream in your head when you drink.  Working with this medication, you can reduce your drinking - down to abstinence if you wish - over a period of months.  Utlimately, this method works to completely extinguish your triggers and cravings, allowing you to live a normal life.

A short write up is here, so you can look to see if you think this will suit you.  It isn't for everyone, but then nor is any method, so as I say, do some research and then try what you think will work best for YOU and your situation.

https://patient.info/health/sinclair-method-for-alcohol-use-disorder

3

The good thing is you recognize this at 28.....The bad news is..alcoholism is progressive...I too noticed my problem very young...I started to have relief from it and went back.

There are various methods you can try using medication.

I am suffering too at the moment...so not feeling like I am a very good advice giver...

The only thing I can tell you is that people will be around to talk to you.

 

4

Well done for coming here and knowing you need help. Joanna has summarised things very well as to your options. If you don't drink every day and don't get withdrawal symptoms than the Sinclair method might well work for you. If at all possible it might be worth keeping track of exactly how much you drink, so u know where you're starting from. I also suggest you Google alcohol use disorder, because it is a disorder, not a weakness or lifestyle choice. But that isn't to make excuses, just to understand how the whole thing works. I wish you all the best. Let us know how things work out for you.

5

Hi Giverny. Good reply from Joanna and great to see you here! I drank for 30yrs+ AND stopped 3 1/2 yrs ago. it can be done. Best of luck from Robin

6

Thank you Joanne for your detailed response. I've promised I'll quit or cut down so many times but have failed to do so. I am scared to go to my GP as it will be on my record. I've replaced drugs with alcohol and am taking it to the extremes. I have bi polar disorder and other mental health issues and so worry about taking medications. Just want to break the cycle.

7

Hi Misssy, sounds like you are having a really crap time at the moment but you still reached out to me in my hour of need which shows what an amazing person you are.

Please try and stay dry today. I used to binge on drugs and alcohol and not eat or sleep for up to 5 days with the view that if I stopped it would hurt too much. Also please don't drive, not just for your own sake but for the sake of other road users - it's not fair on them if anything happened. It's just not worth it.

Hope you're ok today 😀

8

Thanks Robin. wish me luck.

9

As long as your Bipolar and other issues are being treated, then The Sinclair Method works very well alongside them.

Perhaps have a chat to the professional who helps you with these?  Having alcohol issues is very, very, very common in those with other mental health issues, so it will be nothing that he or she has not seen before.

If you do not wish to have it on your NHS records, then there is the option of a private doctor who (if suitable) can prescribe you medications not on your NHS records.

And lastly, just something to consider....  Alcohol issues are progressive usually.  This means that although you don't want it on your records, it will most certainly end up on there if you end up being treated if admitted to hospital or if you end up having to see your doctor for any other issue in the future that is contributed to by alcohol.  Much better to bit the bullet now and seek treatment before the decision is taken out of your hands.

10

Hiya

always gees to see a new friend on here. So well done you for recognising you've got a problem at a young age, 28 and doing something positive to tackle it. Joanna and Paul turner are the experts on here.

Joanna has given you great advice, so you can with help, get your life back on track. I've certainly been where you are, I've ruined family birthdays, special occasions etc, so I know how you feel. Guilt, ashamed, embarrassed are just a few emotions. Being told what you've said and done as you can't remember is quite high up there too.

the good thing is you want to change and you can. It won't be easy and you may well relapse and have blips. Robin, a regular helpful bloke on here, am sure he won't mind me mentioning him gave up completely. He had young twins and wanted to be a family man.

I used to drink heavily many years ago and then stopped completely for four years. I've had therapy, cbt you name it I've tried it, apart from naltrexone and nalmefeme used in the TSM which Joanna talked about.

i have gone back on campral, an anti craving drug, which when taken properly without alcohol really does work. RHGB is the campral expert, who I'm sure will give you some good advice.

no-one will judge you here, you can say what you like, ask what you like and you will get help and support. You won't shock anyone here as we've, well most been there and understand exactly how you feel.

youre Young, you want to change, can manage during the week, you just need some guidance and support.

good luck

11

i have been an alcoholic for about 45 years. I lost my job, my wife of 25 years, Everything. But there is free help for alcohol problems, not just here,on this board. but in person. Google your local Alcohol Agency, send them an email asking for help. In Plymouth it is Harbour Drug and Alcohol Services. They will allocate an alcohol counsellor to you, to talk to and get help. You may be able to get a medical detox in a rehab. They are good places, run by people who understand. Best wishes.  . 

12

have you tried contacting alcoholics anonymous?

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I did Richard. They run 12 Step meetings in most town and cities .They read from the BIG BOOK. The meetings are free, usual held in a Church Hall. It's alcolics helping other alcoholics by sharing  experieces in a group. Personally I find it a bit semi-religious, but that suits mamy people.Lot's of get well with AA.

14

I go my GP. They are supposed to keep what you say to them cofidenial. and not judge you. Ask yours what any information you give your GP be used for. And before you give information, to you GP ask who will be given any information about you. Only tell the GP what you want to and need to get the help you need. Best wishes. . 

15

did it help you though? incidently I think the founder was into religion so that is probably why it is like that.

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Well yes, it did help me. I met lots of other alcoholics to talk with and compare notes with, and tips too. /i thing you can take the semi religious stuff if you want to., or leave it. 

17

Hi All, coming up to my second Friday night with the prospect of no alcohol which is the day I find the hardest as I've always associated Friday with that 'Friday Feeling' and the idea that I deserve to have fun and get off my face.

I have told many of my friends and family my intentions to stay alcohol free and they have been really supportive- although they don't see my alcohol consumption as much of a problem. Although my wife who sees the worst of it does.

I feel really positive since giving it up completely as I have managed to give up smoking at the same time and have not had any shameful and guilt consuming feelings of regret after a binge. My life is better without alcohol, but I hope there will come a time when 1 or 2 will be enough because i absolutely love the taste with food.

Will try and keep you up to date and thank you all for your support thus far.

 

18

Bravo!  I used to get a different "Friday Feeling" at your age and as i got older.

While sitting in my cubicle at work on Fridays I would listen to people planning their "fun" weekends....all their plans and I knew deep down that as soon as I left the cube...I would be in the trunk of my car starting my weekend binge...which led to many dissappointments for all.  So on Fridays in my cube secret TEARS would slide down my cheek.

I never knew if I would make it back to work on the following Monday or call in with some excuse to not work...when all the reason would be was that I drank from the minute I left on Friday until the minute before bed on Sundays.

I think if you plan on ever trying to have 1 or 2 with dinner that you should really get a prescription for Naltraxone which will limit your intake...because I think otherwise...based on your experience of past drinking experiences YOU unfortunately won't be able to only have 1 or 2 once you begin to drink.

Cudos on giving up smoking...that is HUGE.

Honestly, you seem not as determined at this moment as you did when you wrote a couple of Fridays ago...don't let your brain trick you into thinking that "ok, you have done this and you will just manage 1 or 2"....I've done that WAY too many times....enough to let you know...the "alcoholic" brain can be very persuasive and tricky.  Get the Naltraxone...then plan your next dinner drink.

Thanks for reporting back on your status.

19

Struggling like hell this bank holiday. Feel like i'm the only person in the world not having fun and i've cried so many times this weekend because i actually hate my life. Forgotten all the reasons I gave up drink- and i guess they weren't my own reasons they were to keep my wife happy and now i'm desperately unhappy trying to make her happy in the process. Feek like running away where i can just be myself, where no one can control me.

20

Oh no!  giverny....?

I know everyone hates this question...but....are you on an antidepressent?  It sounds like alcohol has really depressed your central nervous system.

It doesn't sound like you are happy about NOT drinking and that is not good for you.  I'm sorry you are feeling this way...

But? You haven't drank in 16 days? And you don't feel better physically?  I totally understand wanting to run away from everyone and I HAVE done that in the past.

I used to get myself hotel rooms and drink myself silly.  And the only thing that did for me...was make me more depressed because I knew eventually leaving that hotel..I would be under the influence potentially hurting someone while driving...and I was ALONE and drinking and becoming more depressed.

I did that MANY times.Thank you for responding...I don't want you to feel alone...I think your feelings are natural since you were PUT in this position to quit and it wasn't really of your own choice.  That kind of situation usually doesn't work for alcoholics. 

Alcohol is powerful....I'm worried for you and your state of mind.  I'm glad you posted...but, not happy for you about how you feel