So i have just turned 16 last month November and i have been feeling quite unusual.I am in a boarding school and i just came home the first week of November when i started have this feeling.That feeling you get as if something is going to happen and your heart start beating fast which makes breathing feel hard,i have been crying almost everday and having a hard time falling asleep at night so i stay awake up until 4 to 5 a.m in the morning which results in me sleeping throughout the day.I had been hospitalized in July this year after I had blacked out or fainted.It all happened when i woke up in the morning around 2a.m and i took my phone from the nightstand to check the time but my hand couldn’t stop shaking.It wasn’t the first time this happened (the shaking hand)i always thought it happened if i didn’t sleep properly or when I’m feeling nervous.But that night while i was holding the phone it dropped from hands and i blacked out.My heart started to beat fast and I could feel i wanted to wake up because i knew what was happening was abnormal but i couldn’t wake up so i welcomed the darkness.When i woke up my older brother and parents were standing by my bed and i was confused what was happening.My mother said i was bleeding through my nose and i was making a noise as if i wasn’t sleeping comfortably or i was struggling to breathe.I looked at my pillow and it was quite bloody which made me panic and i told them what happened.My mum said i was going to sleep with her in their room but then when we were about to sleep my feet started burning up and i couldn’t breathe so they took me to the hospital.When i arrived at the hospital it was about 4a.m and while the doctor was asking questions i blacked out again and this time around i woke up around 1p.m on that day.I spent the night there and got discharged the next day and given Propranolol 10mg which i took one in the morning only.After i started taking it i felt better even when i thought something that i would cry thinking about but somehow i was calm or would i say numb rather than feeling panic.But what i noticed was i had lost some of my memory (you know that feeling like there is something you forgetting that you can’t remember and then spend most of the day trying to remember it).When i looked at it i thought the only thing that landed me in hospital was because i was generally stressed.I mean at that month the previous month before it my mum had been involved in a car accident and had to have an operation on her leg and i was the only one taking care of her.I mean my dad was at work during the day and came home drunk every afternoon and my brother disappeared everytime during the day.I was worried who was gonna take care of her when i go back to school as schools were to open after the coronavirus pandemic and she couldn’t do anything by herself with help so i was stressed.2 weeks later after returning to school my pills got finished and i didn’t go back to the doctor as instructed for a check up and for another pills so i stopped there taking Propranolol.After that i was my self and i didn’t have any problem until i came back home in November.I started having difficulties like insomnia,not being able to breathe,my mind feeling full of thoughts and crying almost the whole day.Sometimes i have this unexplained anger against my father,sometimes flashblacks of the 3 sexual assaults i had gone through since i was 5(which i never talked about) or just feel sad for absolutely no reason.It got to a point where i bang my head hard on the wall repeatedly to stop the overthinking.I also have started having suicidal thoughts and started researching “physician assisted suicide”,anxiety, depression, bipolar but all these have almost all common symptoms and i don’t wanna self diagnose.Nowadays i always feeling like i can’t breathe or i ain’t breathing properly and can’t stop myself from monitoring my breathing every minute.I don’t know where i can get help cause i know my parents wouldn’t understand not to mention my brother.Please help me find clearance what i may be suffering from cause i feel like my brain would explode any minute.
Hi amanda51253,
We note from a recent post which you have made to our forum that you may be experiencing thoughts around self-harm. If we have misinterpreted your comments then we apologise for contacting you directly. But if you are having such thoughts then please note that you are not alone in this, and there are people out there that can help.
If you are having these suicidal thoughts then we strongly recommend you speak to someone who may be able to help. The Samaritans offer a safe space where you can talk openly about what you are going through. They can help you explore your options, understand your problems better, or just be there to listen.
Their contact details are on our patient information leaflet here: Dealing with Suicidal Thoughts: Where to get help, which also offers lots of other advice on how you can access the help you may need.
If you are having such thoughts then please do reach out to the team at the Samaritans (or the other people detailed in our leaflet) who will understand what you’re going through and will be able to help.
If you are based outside of the UK.
The Samaritans is a UK based charity, but they also have suggestions for how you can access help in other countries.
Please have a look at this page https://www.befrienders.org/directory
Patient
Hi Amanda. So sorry to hear you are going through all this. It may well be that a lot of what you are physically and mentally experiencing comes from anxiety but I would also encourage you to get checked out by your doctor. You say that you are not sure what is going on and you don’t want to self-diagnose. That is a very wise decision. There are, however very many competent and knowledgeable professionals out there who can help you. Please dont feel embarrassed about contacting and speaking to someone. Most people go through episodes like this in their life. It really is not uncommon. I know. I am 67 and have been through many rough patches in my life but what has always helped me is realising that there are other people out there who do understand and can help. Whether that is a doctor or a counsellor, we all need help in life when things get on top of us. Please get in touch with someone and talk to them. Anxiety and depression often go together (I’ve had both) and are very difficult to cope with on your own. You don’t need to. Seek help.
Anxiety can feel very disturbing and uncomfortable but know that although it feels awful it cannot harm you in any way. You can be all right again. It may sometimes feel like you are going mad, but, believe me, you are not! It is just anxious thoughts playing with your mind. You will be okay. It is also very, very common and there are methods to help with it. Find some help and you may be surprised to find how quickly you can feel better again. Pray if it helps, meditate if you can, have a warm bath and occupy your mind with something else if possible, reading, netflix, crossword puzzles, anything. You will be all right. Wishing you peace xxx
What you need is some good sleep. Once you have good sleep the issues will be less effective on you. Not enough sleep can impact brain function the next day. You need to put your mind at ease and see a doctor.