i honestly dont know what to do....

Mental health
1

Im hoping that by writing this down, it will help me take stock, and look to move on.

Im really struggling at the moment.  With everything.

I dont feel like anything is going right, in any part of my life.  Im in a job that i hate, where im massively taken for granted and underappreciated. im lonely, and so desperatly unhappy.

Im applying for jobs left right and centre, and ive had a few interviews, but im never successful, theres always someone whos that little bit better. After putting so much effort it, the rejection letters are a massive kick in the face.

My boyfriend of two years has upped and left me in search of a better life.  After two years of being treated like crap, dealing with his suicide attempts, depression and debt, hes moved on. And i cant.  Hes gone off to try and turn him self around, and ive been left, with a massive hole that i dont know how to fill. It wasnt a happy time, and i deserved so much better, but now i cant help but think that if someone like that doesnt want to be with me, then there must be something seriously wrong with me. The thought of him meeting someone else, and him having the relationship that i always wanted with him, makes me feel sick. Towards the end of our time together, i slept with an ex, and it made me feel great, for about a day, then i just felt guilty and worthless. I dont know why the thought of him with someone else bothers me so much, when ive done it, but it does.

No matter how hard i try, nothing is going right. 

Ive stopped seeing people, and going out, because im to miserable, and would rather sit at home and over think things, and im fed up of being told to cheer up and get over it. Im full of self doubt, and noone seems to understand just how much this is affecting me. Im fed up of pretending to be fine, hence why i stay at home. SOmetimes i can barely find the effort to get dressed, which doenst matter as im not going to see anyone anyway.  

Everyone is moving on with their lives, and im just here, stuck, not even floating.  Theres not a week that goes by without engagement or baby news, and im genuinely happy for my friends, im not jealous, or bitter, it just makes me realise how far away from having that myself.  

I dont know what i can do to get out of this hole. i just want things to start going right so i can try and start living my life and putting all this behind me. ive tried talking to my closest friends about it, but they have their own lives and dont want to be lumbered with my problems, their answer is to tell me to just forget it, hes a dick, and that it will all be ok. but i cant see how, and i dont know how to change my way of thinking, id rather just stay in bed and try and sleep it all away.

 

2

My sister is also going through with the same problem. We were totally confused that what has to be done to her or how we can take her to psychologist. Finally we did concelling online with doctor. It has helped us a lot to understand her.

3

Holy crap no wonder you are depressed!!! Usually one of those things would be enough to send a person into deep despair, but you have been hit with a bunch at once sad

YOu have classic depression symptoms from the feeling guilty all the way to the sitting alone thinking to being too tired to get dressed.

Good job coming here and writing. You are among people who totally understand. (It is 12:09 pm and I just woke up and still am wearing my pj's lol). Now the next thing you need to do is to call your doctor and set up an appointment to tell them what you told us. You can also google CBT or REBT and look for books on battling depression to learn more. Then come back here smile

4

Thank you for doing this! So many people don't have anyone to care like this. smile

5

Thank you.

I know I need to start taking steps to sort this and not give in to it.

I Just need to realise that there is no shame in going to the doctors. This is nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about. Might take me a few days, but I'll get the balls to do it. It's easier to talk to neutral parties I'm sure... Thank you for replying to me...

6

Doctors have seen it all. And this is no worse than going for to discuss some type of genital issue...it is embarassing but then they help you smile

7

Welcome to the club! I in almost same situation except i dont work for 1 year and a half now! I split to my boyfriend, which i was very inlove, he was workhoolic and always his job was first, i felt unhappy and we split. Then, i made another bf for few months. didnt work, as i wasnt prepared. After that, surpriseee.. 4 times in the hospital , diagnose bipolar, but also depression. Depression comes and goes.

Now, it started again, feeling exacly how u describe it. Even taken shower it's hard, low energy, isolation and feeling the time stoped for me.

Im 33 y o, most of the women at this age have kids and husbands etc. I can barely wash my teeth...I have facebook account and everyday u see marriages or how my baby is going.As u said it's not jelousy, it's just a feeling of profound unhapiness, and asking yourself if you will ever have this.

Maybe it's middle age crise, anyway it really really sucks.

8

Lol I am the same as you, no kids no husband and barely brushing the teeth..that last part made me laugh 

 

9

I was like you a few months ago , go to the gym it helps 

10

Always someone out there for everyone good luck 

11

Don't get nervous about the continous rejection, instead boost yourself and try for the best. As well as don't think about the guy who left you, as he is happy in his life and have moved on. Why you are thinking about him and wasting your time and carrier? Meet friends and make a new start..