I live with a step son who has most of the traits of "psycopathy"
A term not lightly used but I need to show his behaviour is not.."Normal teenage behaviour"
He is now 18.
He lives here more like a cuckoo than a child.
He has stolen and continues to do so without remorse. His 16 year old brother is blamed and the clever manipulative inferences are used to adeptly move the attention of his Father from himself.
His brother now dislikes him intensely and wishes to move out of the home away from the constant,wearing actions of his older sibling.
we shall call the 18 year old K.
His Father is a patient man, mild mannered and generous. He is determined to try to get "K" back on track. he cannot understand why such a bright,potentially talented child has gone so astray. he blames himself.
He has forgiven serious actions such as stealing his money by using credit card..stealing the car...stealing valuable items...
He often uses the excuse for inaction of "Not enough proof"
K dislikes me intensely.. I think because I have not left the family home...and because I have always challenged his actions and have refused to be cowed by them.
Over the years he has manipulated members of the family into thinking I am "Too strict" and "I hate him"
This of course has led to serious differences between my husband and myself. So much so that I nearly left home . However I was determined that, a then, sixteen year old child would not run me out of the home I had built and away from a husband I love.
Once when he ran away he said he would only come back if I left..Family members suggested I did move out to"give him space".
For the sake of his brother and sister I refused.
From then, there has been an uneasy truce between us..I firmly believe that my action of ignoring his behaviours apart from a "Motherly" comment has been the only way to protect my sanity against his mind games.
Of course his behaviours have directed the attention even in this article to others!! Making me appear to be the person with a problem...
of course I do have a problem but when he is away...all problems vanish.
His siblings also notice the lightening of the atmosphere in the family home at his absence.
He cannot hold down a job. he has stolen from places of work...but it was never his fault.
He does not learn from mistakes.
He gains all he needs from the family home, Food, shelter,luxuries,holidays (He has to come with us because we cannot trust him alone in the house...stuff vanishes...from food to expensive electrical equipment)
To outsiders he is polite,charming, hard working, caring...
His room does not reflect this..he showers only when he knows it is beneficial to him. The bathroom when used is left in a mess...and I mean a mess..
His room is a "dungeon" of dirt and chaos...more so than the normal teenage room...( I have mothered 5 children and this is definitely not normal)....
But it is so difficult to explain the differences ....
I stopped worrying about his room years ago when I realised it was becoming a battlefield between us...and he had no remorse or even anger at my attempts to encourage him to live in more organised and clean surroundings....in fact he was very good,and still is, at getting his Father to blitz his room when the smell starts pervading the house.
The desire for gaining something..either material or his father's undivided attention, leads him to become overly diligent and helpful..once the room is cleared he will spend hours decorating the walls with posters...mildly ponographic...and shocking...to raise comment... His Father's reaction is " He really is trying, look how hard he is working to make his room nice"...But it reverts within a few days...
He will actively place himself between my husband and I walking between us ...taking his full attention..
On holidays, eventually , he will try to widen his perceived rift between us and accuse me of "Ignoring" him...
Last holiday I was approached by my husband yet again, he explained K was really upset because I was ignoring him..the three of us sat down to discuss this with me being the accused.
I asked him to explain exactly how I was ignoring him, and he said" You did not say how well I flew my kite"
I gently suggested that at 18 he was rather too old for me to be standing behind him and applauding on his ability to fly a kite and that I was not ignoring him but letting him enjoy his freedoms and pleasures as a man without me being a mother hen.
He really could not argue and I believe that my husband then saw there was something not quite right in his son's arguments.
Since then there have been no more direct accusations against me and I have been able to live with the uneasy truce.
I could go on.. but really I need to conclude...
Living with a person such as this will gradually wear you down to the detriment of family relationships...and worse it will make you feel that it is YOU that is in the wrong..YOU have the problems...YOU are to blame..
My advice is to be strong for the sake of more vulnerable members of the family. They in turn will find their own ways to cope or leave for unfortunately there is no easy solution, the K's of the world will never change their personalities.
Have faith in yourself and your actions.You are not becoming senile, you have not misplaced those things..you are not a bad parent or partner, you are a the survivor of one of the most difficult social situations imaginable.
Read all you can. Understand your situation.
Most importantly....be kind to yourself and think about what is good for you...and act on it.
Take care and may you find peace .
This message was automatically imported from the original Patient Experience
