I look like a zombie

Mental health
1

Hi guys,

not sure if I post this in the right thread, as I’m not sure if my problem is connected to anxiety.

Let me start from saying that I do suffer from anxiety most of my life (severe childhood trauma) and I’m a 30-something guy. As I know that anxiety can screw up almost anything in the body, I assume that could be the cause.

My problem is that I often look like a zombie. My eyes are dull, my skin is VERY dry (I have dandruff even on my eyebrows) and my face swells a lot. On a bad day (almost every day now) my face looks like something between pretty strong allergic reaction and hypothyroidism. I checked myself and I don’t seem to have an allergy and my thyroid results are fine. I increased my water consumption a while ago and it didn’t help. I also struggle with losing weight for the last 3 years or so. It’s not a ton to lose, but about 10-15 kg (20-30 lbs). I also have very little energy. I can walk long distances, but struggle to get up from bed every day and I’m unable of doing any exercise above walking. I also got extreme sugar cravings, which I try to control, but from time to time I binge on junk, where one binge can go up to 3000 kcal.

I also have an embarrassing problem with my penis. It tends to get really small and I have no idea what triggers it. I’m an average dude, never been well-endowed, but I’m not tiny neither. When my penis shrinks, it looks dead. The head hides as close to my belly as possible and it also gets much smaller. Sometimes even purple and wrinkled. My testicles almost never hang low, but my sack gets loser when I relax. This is a problem to me, because my self-esteem goes down whenever I’m in a situation when someone sees my penis. My erections are usually fine though. I’m a gay male and I have comparison - never seen a penis shrinking like mine does. What’s weird is that I sometimes literally see it shrinking or growing (I’m talking still flaccid) without any reason. It drives me nuts (no pun intended) when it shrinks for no reason that I’m aware of.

In the past, I had this problem of looking like a zombie too, but it wasn’t as frequent as it is now. Now, I’d say I look like that 90% of the time. What I found to be a temporary remedy is either forcing myself to exercise or get a nap, but napping works just sometimes. In the past, I could usually take a nap and I looked totally different afterwards - with shiny eyes and less bloated. My lifestyle biggest sins are not enough exercise (because I handle it really bad, however I also walk really long distances), sugar consumption and worrying too much. Other than that I don’t have too many bad habits. I’ve never smoked, I don’t drink much, I don’t engage myself in stressful situations. I also tend to become a zombie after things like reading a book in a public place. It’s almost like my subconsciousness tried to control the situation and drained my energy.

Have you guys heard of symptoms like that before? Do you think it could be anxiety doing something to my body? To me it seems to be something related to hormones, blood flow or oxygen perhaps?

Please don’t tell me about Body Dysmorphic Disorder - I know what that is and I don’t have it. Doctors often mention it, before I show them photos of my face in different states. Then they know it’s something else, but they never know what that is, sadly.

2

have you had a complete blood work done? Checked for diabetes? If all of that is clear then there’s a good chance your symptoms are due to anxiety and or depression. Anxiety and depression can cause hundreds of different physical symptoms., including dark circles under the eyes, tiredness, dehydration,
One thing about sugar is that it can damage every cell in the body. It also causes inflammation throughout the body. Basically it’s a poison.
When I had gastritis I had to stay away from sugar which was very difficult because I crave carbohydrates. But after about three weeks or so I got used to it in my stomach inflammation went down . I felt so much better overall! Now anything with more than a small amount of sugar taste too sweet for me.
the Single best thing you can do for yourself is get some exercise. It will help you feel better, it boosts your immune system, help you control your weight, reduce your risk of heart disease, help your body manage blood sugar levels, improve your mental health and mood, etc. you don’t have to go out and run 5 miles, just walking at a moderate pace at least 30 minutes a day for 3 to 4 days a week would benefit you greatly!
if you do feel anxious or down, speaking with a counselor can be very beneficial! They can help you manage this.
try to get in the habit of a daily routine not just exercise but everything. repetition strengthens the mind. And don’t give yourself excuses to not do something.
positive Changes take place when you go beyond that little voice in your head that says
" you don’t have to do this now. Do it later. "I do hope you feel better soon

3

have you had your testoterone levels checked

4

I had some blood work done, including cortisol, sodium, potassium, glucose, thyroid hormones - all were fine. Is there something else in particular that you’d suggest checking?

Speaking of sugar, the day after I binge on sugar, I usually have flaky skin on my inner palms and some hard skin on my feet. But sugar almost never makes me nauseous.

I do walk way more than 30 minutes a day. I basically walk everywhere, I don’t own a car and don’t use public transportation much. Yesterday, for example, I went for a 15 km walk (more than 9 miles) walk in the evening. After coming back home, I looked better than before. But in the morning I looked actually worse and I felt sluggish too. Exercise makes my muscle stiff, angry and I feel something like very mild panic attack when I’m in that state.

It’s really like most of the advice I get don’t work in my case at all. Many people tell me: exercise. I’ve had multiple periods in my life when I forced myself to exercise regularly and it made things worse in a long run. But I do force myself to do it anyway, these several-hours-long walks show that I do have a will power I suppose. I do any form of exercise to look better, because the way it makes me feel doesn’t feel right. Walking is the only one that I actually enjoy.

I’ve read several books related to possible causes of my state and the one that resonates with me the most is “Waking the Tiger: Healing Trauma” by Peter Levine. He described the mechanisms of trapped energy in the body after trauma. I feel like that’s the case with me, “trapped energy” sounds like it. And exercise can’t help it, even though it sounds like it would. My body doesn’t release energy as it should, that’s for certain. Too bad his form of therapy, called Somatic Experiencing (which I tried with two different specialists), didn’t do anything to me, or perhaps was performed wrong.

5

I did a while ago and it was perfectly normal. Do you think I should do it again? And perhaps something else?

6

Another possible cause would be something wrong in the blood (like fungal infection). That would explain why exercise makes me feel so sluggish, as the blood flow is stronger. I’m going to do the home test for candida once again tomorrow. I remember I did it in the past and it was positive (the saliva produced vertical strings in the glass of water), but then I had a blood test, which didn’t find candida in the blood. Not sure how precise these tests are. I wish there was Dr. House in real life, who would actually care to find diagnosis and help :slight_smile:

7

i think its worth a shot. but you are your owm advocate. keep fighting for a diagnosis.

8

Today is my third day without sugar. I must say I look a bit less like a zombie, but in the morning I looked terrible and had no energy. Well, if sugar detox helps in the long run, then it’s very likely it’s a fungal infection I guess.
It’s a great feeling when other people notice you and smile to you. I consider myself a quite attractive guy when I’m not in a zombie mode. I almost forgot how it was to be noticed.

9

Bump.

10

Another bump.

Today I look terrible. I really don’t know what triggers this state and it’s making me wanna cry :frowning:

Yesterday I walked a lot and tried to relax during that walk. I also ate quite a lot of chocolate, but that’s not a rare thing for me. Other than that my day wasn’t anything special.

My hands are extremely dry today, but I cleaned my apartment a bit in the morning. One possibility is that some detergent causes my hand to be so dry, but can it also trigger the face swell?

I read about the fight-flight-freeze and reminded myself about the freeze mode. One of my main theories about my well-being was that I’m in a constant freeze mode and then I forgot about it, but obviously nothing changed for the better. I have 100% accurate symptoms of the freeze mode, but that’s something I can’t talk with any doctor or psychologist with, as they are not familiar with it. I feel hopeless at this point.