Everytime. Everytime i try to help myself by finding/ gathering information to assist me in getting better i get kicked in the face. I'm sick of being seen as an idiot and today it happened i realised i AM an idiot, i tried having a conversation , polite, and i got slammed down for F**k all, apologies for bad language. Now my headache is enhanced beyond belief. Guess what? I actually want to go crazy, i don't even want to control this anymore, i want to shove my medication down somebodys throat and see if it makes THEM feel any damn better. I get persecuted for being 'me', i get persecuted for finding stuff out to help me, i get persecuted for trying to FIT in, i get persecuted for being 'amended'. i'm actually so angry i'm shaking and the stupid repetitive noise in my head is getting all mixed with the damn noise outside. I'm sorry this is not a great post. Is there anybody on here who can tell me that they've had an excellent education and still had their efforts rebuffed by professionals? At least i would stop thinking that me not excelling academic wise wouldn't make a difference.
i feel the same way a lot of times and being around people makes it worse for me
Let's run away together...
You try though Alex, right? Do you get all mixed up with trying and thinking screw it? Are you meds?
You just made me laugh
Hi Nick
Thank you mate for sharing with us all in here your reality of today.
You desription is very good and acurate about where and how I have certainly felt at times.
Is this anger and frustration directed at just professionals or others around you as well.
let me give you an example of my recent issue with professioanls who are supposed to be there for me, but probably have never actaully expereinced what I suffer from daily deep, deep and dark distress which is called Anxiety.
My anxiety has not just multiplied with my housing Issues where I am forced to live in a home where I am victimized non stop, where myt Landlord hates me being thier tenant and would like to see the back of me as they claimed for over 18 months I am a compuslive complaintant, and named me as a Vexatious teanant, instead of getting the issues dealt with they stopped doing literally everything for me and have allowed the abuse from 2 awful neighbors to contine, if things were not bad enough they were soon to get even worse last year with mold growing in my bedroom that was thick , very black and wet , my Landlord left me staying in my home with allready comprimized health and immune deficency , knowing I was diagnosed with lung infection early in 2014 and did nothing about repairing the bedroom which was covered in mold.
Every one else did what they could for me but again the Landlord, the so called Professionals ignored the facts that something like this was a real threat to my life.
it took 234 days to get the works completed when i am told in my tenant handbook that they are obligated to do the job with priority.
I asked for ssupport from them and all I got were threats.
Now in regard to the Mental health professionals sitting finally with a Dr of Pysciatry who was not interested in the reasoning that I was there after a 3 year housing battle where I was left to cope on my own without any proper support.
I was at this assesment to ask for a Social Worker , late in the day but to me something I felt was missing and i was unable to understand why I had been left to cope on my own for so damn long.
I was told after the 1 hrs of questioning that I should not have any great aspirations with the idea of achieving my goal of gaining a Social Worker by any means , I asked why and her answer was she felt there have been many periods in my life where I have been confrontational towards others .
Do you know what these words did to me , sent me straight back into despair.
The cant even recognize peoples cries for help instead she said to me how she felt it would be much better for me to continue having appointments to talk about my issues and those confrontational issues with more pyhsc's.
I could not believe all my efforts to ask for help, all my efforts to seek support and here I am with so called Professionals who did not have the capability to understand my basics.
Ie my despair and utter frustraion and alenation where by I have literally been left out in the cold on my own with no support for anything.
I stood up for this appointment and put my coat on my cold body as tears ran down my eyes and walked out of this appointment, there was nothing I could say that would entail on these professionals actually ever understanding my distress , my hurt, my pain , my anger and my difficulty of having to work things all on my own.
May I at this time encourage you to not fall into further despair and disapointment.
Know even while out there in the mainstream society you will not be understood.
But let me assure you in here you are in the right place and are understoof so easily as many of us have been where u are at right now and felt just as you feel right now which led you to sharing it all with us .
I simply dont have all the answers but one very real way to relieve yourself of these immediate feelings are to tell all those negative thoughts to leave your head, if you have some headphones tune out of the world around you and listen to some calming and relaxation music.
Tune yourself back into the real you.
Dont be pursuaded by the lies of the beast which tells you that thier all right and you are all wrong.
Try to work then on your breathing and start as I do to think one by one of all those attributes and gifts that you are bestowed with in yourlife
And find your worth in all this.
Know your valued firstly by understanding your own self worth and importance and then by those who know you so well through out your life
Have faith and find yourself and know peace and a calmness thats so much at the opposite scale of all those dreadful feeling that are inside right now
Step by step, inch by inch , its all going to take time.
But my dear friend , it all begins with you.
Cyber Hugs
peace and calmness is there waiting for you right now at this very time
I wish you so well
PJ
I was being kinda serious, but I'm glad it made you laugh. x)
I'm sorry PJ, that sounds incredibly horrific what you have gone through/ going through, your words mean a lot and thank you for sharing some good wisdom with your advice, i appreciate it, you are right i need to get a hold of myself, I'm actually so angry my gut feels like someone is punching it over and over. Thanks PJ, Alex, Karmabean (lets go somewhere where there are mountains, blue sky, blades of green grass, ocean close by and other human population of nil ), thank you everybody and i hope that you too find some peace, Nick.
For sure Nick
trust me your answers lay withon you, they are there inside and are waiting for you to find those answers.
i would be interested in hearing more from you as it appears you too have a wicked sense of humour mate seeing your discussion with others in here, the idea of escaping to the mountains where green grass and oceans meet sounds like my ideal place of escape too.
Spare a thought for me if you will this coming Thursday as i did not go on to tell you the landlord has chosen to decide to attempt to have me removed from my home by taking a case of repossession to the courts.
I am in court this coming Thursday.
Its terrifying and I was having dreams and real thoughts of me collaspsing during the 4 hr trial and making a complete fool of myself, this led to me doping myself out for 7 days straight and I have been back on my feet for 8 days since this time.
I am feeling ok now and am grateful that I came across others through this site who have removed those isolation thooughts from my head which I felt for such a long time.
professionals are just that professionals in what they have studided through college and universtity , but there are no greater professionals than knows who have lived it.
PJ
PJ, i really hope the court hearing goes in your favour, this site indeed does hold many amazing people. I should not have blasted all professionals, infact without 3 i'd be a complete 'go to the mountain and stay the Hell there!' candidate. Thank you again, and will keep you in mind on Thursday. Nick.
Nick I understand you frustrations. I am well educated, have a Masters of Justice, and worked for the government for thirteen years. After I had surgery three years ago I still had chronic pain and it took six months to convince my GP to send me in for an ultrasound. The ultrasound picked up the problem but even now when it has been proven that the condition I have will cause chronic pain, the GP's still don't take it seriously. My GP will also not prescribe me a benzo like valium because it is addictive. That same GP diagnosed me with GAD, Panic Disorder and PTSD. It is just ridiculous. So yes, I completely understand your frustrations and no, you are not an idiot.
SkyeBeth,
I have to agree with all your comments to Nick.
Just one thing I am fascinated by .
What is a Masters of Justice?
It sounds really intersting
I may even google it right away before you answer me.
lol
I just cannot stop thinking of the amount of injustice there is in our world today.
So you have me thinking here.
And as for Professionals you are so right but then again they cannot allways be right can they.
And they never can or will get everything right
they are mere humans as we all are.
Many if not all of the answers funny enough lay within our own selves.
is just knowing where to pin point them and finding direction towards where the answer actually is.
Have a wonderful evening
PJ
Hey PJ. In Australia we have Bachelor's Degree, Honors Degree, then a Master's followed by your Doctorate or Phd program. I studied for four years followed by one year in which I completed a thesis to gain my Master's in that course.
wow thats pretty intense and amazing.
I still need to find out what your work entailed as I am not inteligent enough on an educated level to know exactly what your job in that feild would entail.
I am bron in Melbourne , and was recenlty out there for the first time for 8 years visiting family.
I can really say it was a hliday as I arrived off the flight pretty sick in a wheel chair and spent 3 different periods in the Alfred Hospital there.
The one thing I am grateful for was to have my family close by to me.
I have desperately missed thier presence through out what had become a living hell for 3 years here.
I am soon to begin to get resolve from my serious issues starting with a court trial as my Landlord attempts to have me removed from what should be a home.
Have an awesome day there.
PJ
Hi Nick. You are NOT an idiot. No way. If you were, you wouldn't be here.
I have a degree in Nursing and also in Anatomy & Physiology. Two degrees - not bad for someone with my issues.
I was beaten by my ex boyfriend. One day I went to talk to Occupational Health and begged for some help, saying I felt full of craziness. I got told to work it off.
Arwen, im reallly sorry that scumbag did that to you, i hope he gets his come uppance. 'Work it off' how can they say that to you when you openly tried to deal with what you were going through? Then again occupational heallth are 'business drs' right they care if you function for work and not about you. I'm passing on the cyber hugs from yesterday, hoping that you and everybody has a good day
well said Nick
your awesome mate and it encouraging to see sense in here .
I like your approach to the issues we are up against and the stigma that comes from the outside world and the often patheic rsponse we come up against when we actively seek and ask for help for the so called professional world who again have little idea in reality of what it is we are actually expereincing.
Your a true freind and comrade to all of us in here
PJ
Nick,
I'm new here. However, having spent over 40 years suffering with depression I am not new there :-)
I believe it's healthy for us all to have hope. Without hope there's nothing to look forward to. But poor mental health has a way of reducing hope. I lost hope two years ago. It was the first time I had.
I say poor mental health reduces hope. In reality for some of us it removes it.
I'd like to suggest something please. And before I go further may I apologise for my trite and patronising approach. It's an old wound and one I find myself apologising for often.
I say suggestion loosely.
This afternoon I have an interview for a permanent position in my chosen field of skill. Less than two weeks ago I would not have been able to attend due to mental health issues.
Nick. There is hope. There always is. Sometimes we can't see it. Sometimes we are so exhausted we can't function as a normal human.
In less than 2 weeks my mental health issues of 40 years have come to a close. I am still in some shock. I cannot believe it. I have been to hell. I have all the usual issues associated with long term mental health issues. Large debts. My relationship in tatters. Nowhere to call home. You know the score I'm sure. I've had an interesting journey.
What I can offer Nick is a little cyber support. I am a genuine person. I'm not a troll and I know a little about what has put me back on my feet.
Would you mind if I asked you something please Nick. What are you diagnosed with please? And what medication are you taking.
Sorry to sound so intrusive, especially as I am a newbie. The purpose of my question is to find out if you are suffering with issues that are similar to mine. And if you are I could share the methods I have used to get my life back. And I have got my life back Nick.
I hope you don't think I am a troll. I'm not.
Nuttymut :-)
SkyeBeth, thank you for sharing with me and for waking me up a bit with your sharing of education and still having problems in regards to finding info/ or tests/ xrays, ultrasound to find out what may be the cause. Im sorry you're suffering with the pain, i don''t know what GAD stands for hold on.. search engine lol... oh, what on earth? So you suffer pain from this condition and get told you have GAD? And panic disorder and PTSD? Christ. You actually had a test and diagnosis and yet they did that? i'm a little bit of a mess right now usually i do better than this i'm sorry, i'm so tired. I hope that you continue to fight for some pain medication that works for you, if you like you can pm me your condition, i'll have a look at some options for you, i like to learn so the offers always there. Thank you for saying i'm not an idiot, cyber hug to you.
Nuttymutt welcome to the site, there are amazing people here who i'm sure will welcome you. Congratulations on your new position, i'm very happy for you, pleased i should say, Thats exciting a new job, role of responsilbility, im waiting for meds to crash in so i sound bit groggy, apologies. Diagnosis wise i will but i also suffer with the fact i have to say outloud anything about being ill i want to puch my self in the face, i'm working through that lol. Are you an angry person, i dont think you come across like that, meds, a few, we'll be all wanting to hear how you turned your life around it would be great to read a positive tale of conclusion or how to live with our condion, thanks Nuttymutt