I'm really scared in going backwards, feeling really bad again, been like it for about 4 weeks, don't seem to get through a day without feeling bad. I have the doctors Thursday but really scared as I don't like them. She is the one who I saw first, but what if she thinks I'm wasting her time. I'm so negative I'm also scared of pushing people away. I'm doing that now, they are getting fed up of me. Don't know what to do, scared of every think.
The fight gets harder and harder, it's so tough to get through the day.
I feel like I want to cancel Thursday but I'm not coping. What if she does nothing and I'm like this all the time.
I wish I could run and just sleep, life is like climbing a mountain everyday. And the more I climb the more tired I get.
Getting panic attacks back too. Oh life....
Does it get any better? I'm so tired don't know how much longer I can keep going for.
Don't keep going to docs that's what we pay for I've been at least 12 times in last 4 weeks but that's what they are there for go and see a different one of your not happy
You can do anything if you try I'm usually so independent but in always letting my mum give me a hug now which I never did I also broke down with the doctor
I know exactly how you feel. There are times that I want to back out of doctor appointments. Just take a deep breath and go. It's better to go and find out about something than not to go at all. Good luck.
Hi Blackkhole, first thing first change your name as that just starts you off on a negative trip you need to focus on recovery and understand there will be light again even though you feel helpless at the moment I remember this feeling of pure fear and no sign of solution and then I went on Citalopram which after a few month sis really helping I feel normal most the time had some side effects to the drug however I would always trade that with the better state of mind it has enabled me to have.Your doctor would have seen hundreds of patients with depression/anxiety you name it they should be equipped with a process of treatment for your case you are paying them to help you it’s not a waste of their time!!! Plus more importantly if you feel he/she isn’t interested then go someplace else and get the help you deserve J The people you think are being pushed away must understand the symptoms of your illness and why we do what we do! The main thing from this is to be positive it won’t get worse unless you let go of hope hang in there you have done a great job so far so get the help and start getting back to you again take care!!
Blackhole: I had a strange thing happen to me today...I have fought depression/anxiety my whole life, and I can usually keep it under control with my meds. What you have to understand is that as far as we all know, if you are prone to depression, it really never goes away completely. You have to keep it under control. I woke up happy as a lark...I am retired, so i don't have to get up and go to work. I watched a tv show, not particularly sad, but all the sudden, my whole body felt like it was in that black hole again. I got under my covers with my three dogs, plugged in the heating pad, and that is where I stayed all day long. I don't even attempt to figure out what causes depression to rear its ugly head, but what i do know is...it has a mind of it's own, and it will use every excuse in the world to come back...guns a blazing...what we have to do is fight it...OWN YOUR DEPRESSION....tell yourself...ok, you're back...now, I'm getting rid of you again...Be strong, and expect set backs...that is the only way we can fight this terrible disease called depression...You are not alone by any means.....HUGS.