I'm 33 single mother to two girls age 16 and 8 I'm so low in myself my taughts are getting the better of me that I just can't even sleep with overthinking, basically I've always suffered with depression from early age, and through out life just been used and abuse to the point I'm sick of myself that I don't see or release thins till its to late, my mother died when I was 5 day before my 6 birthday, my father then became an alcoholic and use to beat my brother and sister then 3 different people sexual abused me before I was 12, I became an out of control teenager start drinking drugs until I got pregnant at 16 I turned my life around and everything was good until I met my next partner who was toxic and abusive that I end up loosing my home went to woman refugee then homeless I don't have any relationship with my brothers or sister I actually have nobody in this world to turn to that really cares about me, Ive build back up best life possible for me girls but then my daughter left me to live with her dad I'm so full of pain and hurt I just don't get what's the purpose to all this suffering only reason things been so bad at one point I sold myself for money to feed my kids I'm so broken so teird feel so stupid that I'm not stronger or better role model for my kids keep thinking if they they will repeat the cycle I'm lost with no energy to try fix myself I'm lost in a world I don't understand or have anyone to talk to I hate myself so much, I don't believe in pills and I've studied addiction studies and psychology trying understand, I no life has its up and downs but I just can't seem to get up this time, I'm now in love with someone who does love me back I'm breaking down crying all the time I'm scared that I'm just a horrible person and my kids be better of away from me coz I'm damaged I I'm trying everything to be best for them but inside I'm dying slowly
Hi Sarah.... it sounds like you have been through much suffering in your life. please know that there is ALWAYS hope! And that hope comes from our creator. I don't know if you are a prayerful person or not but I will be praying for you to find the peace and joy that is possible if you believe. Just take one day at a time and BELIEVE things will get better! I know it can I have had struggles too but through faith and TRUST in our LORD things get better. Say often ALL IS WELL and in time it will be.... you'll see! GOD BLESS YOU! 0
hi sarah...it seems to me that this new love is healing you...and sometimes healing is a very painfull process...because it forces you to fight off your deamons and no longer hide away from your problems...it takes a while but things will get better...you are worthy of love remember that....dont forget your worth never...you are not a horrible person...think about all u been through...and u are still standing....you are unbelivebly strong...and u dealt with things that would of broken other people...but your a fighter dont give up now...the best has yet to come...your prayers have been answered....you have found true love...let this person love you and treat you the way u deserve to be treated....this person will break down all of the defensive walls u have built....accept his/her love....with regards to your children they are not better off without you....you grew up without a mother u know deep down they need u even if u arent prefect....sometimes teens like to blame their parents for things that arent really their fault...they need to mature and make their own mistakes...so then they can apriciate you...and even if the cycle repeats itself...u havent failed....it is not your fault...stop blaming yourself for things that are out of your controll....they are people at the end of the day and they will make mistakes along the way...all u can do as a mother is to be there for them....i apologize for spelling mistakes i have dyspraxia and dyslexia...your pain will ease in time...dont give up on yourself.....x
Sarah - don't get on your knees and pray. Get off your butt and see the doc. Meds may be issued to balance your mood - they are a tool not a crutch. Get a referral to a psychologist and deal with all those issues you have shoved down inside you. Stop thinking some partner is going to fix you - they can't. Healing yourself is a process. It will take time. It will be difficult. But you will learn about yourself and acquire coping mechanisms that are not self-destructive. Avoiding the issue merely allows it to fester. It will be the most valuable thing you can do for yourself - and your daughters.
Sarah, Like you I have chosen not to live my life on pills. For some it works and thats is fine! But believe me if you "fight all your battles on your knees you win every time"!
I completely agree with you Wayne. Meds can help you to feel better whilst you sort out your issues with counselling. You might not agree with meds but surely this is better than thoughts of topping yourself? x
hi sarah, aw bless you could do with someone to love you for you! you need to emotionally get lots of support and now! i don't know if you have had any support in the past but you could desperately do with some now. your girls still need you and maybe for a good few years to come. i nearly jumped because i felt completely ill and had done for months, well years. i also couldn't get pregnant and the sense of guilt was totally overwhelming and still is. i felt i'd ruined everyones lives, it took 3 different people to stop me jumping! i didn't know where i was going, what i was doing and had hit true rock bottom. in terms of your emotional difficulties p.m me.
Thank you to all those kind souls that took time to read and respond to my post, after I wrote that post I new that this feeling low has to change, I went the doctor and prescribed anti depression, quiry quote, I told her I was having suicidal taughts, and I'm feeling anxious and depressed grand she done me prescription, now with a month supply of anti depression sleeping tablets and xnanx as relaxer, what's stopping me taking the lot of them when I'm have a suicidal taughts, no that I'm going to, I just kinda taught when seeking help the kinda just hand you a method to kill yourself, instead of asking why you think your depressed what going on with you maybe we can look and see if there's positive ways of changing it without me putting more posion into your body, yoga, another way I do understand I'm also in the position that I actually need them to stable myself emotionally, and take back charge over my life stop letting vampire suck my energy start focus once I can focus my mind on myself and my kids then I believe in hope I believe in myself even if I don't feel self worthy, and amazes me it's from this post that has pushed me up to fight for life again so thank you all from the bottom of my heart coz I never felt real love but by responding to me was just excalty that and love hope and peace ✌️
Sarah...I am so glad you have someone special in your life ,but as Wayne said , don't depend on someone else to fix you. That will set you up for another fall. That 8 year old needs you. Spend special time with her...girls day out, in home movie with pop corn ; go for a hike together and finish with an ice cream cone . Be 8 years old yourself once in awhile. Remember, you are never too old to have a happy childhood so have it now. The best to you.
Hi again Sarah - Good on you seeking help and beginning that new journey of self discovery. Hang in there, give it all you've got, it will be rewarding. We are always here to talk.
I really appreciate all of you who took the time to respond to me, I'm taking things really slow with myself grounding myself and trying be aware much more in my choice and decisions and I must say I woke up this moring clear head and excited to start the day I chooce to live and hand to my heart for my babies there my strength and over the last few days since stood back start looking at myself and where and what has to change but I wish you amazing joyish day peace ✌️
Hey Sarah, I know how you feel, been there, done that. Still depressed. I can't tell you what to do except take one positive step each day even if it's a little one. You are lucky to have someone love you, focus on that and the fact that Jesus loves you too. I cannot explain that. I don't know how or where or why He does but I believe He does. It is written that we know we are God's children when we go through trials. I am going through serious trials too. Lost every member of my family, lost best friend, lost 3 other friends who weren't friends at all, and the remaining folks are all sick and in bed. Facing serious health problems, a bad job and likely being kicked out of where I live because of the health problems. I urge you to take one positive step one day at a time. Talk to anyone who will listen. You can write to me, I will listen.